Beyond the Horizon (Sons of Templar MC #4)(34)
“You sure you don’t need a couple more days off?” Jude asked, eyeing me skeptically.
I knew I didn’t look like me. My long hair was teased into a messy ponytail. My eyes were rimmed with dark liner I never wore. My clothes showed more than they concealed. I was wearing Bex’s skin tight oil coated jeans and a teeny white crop top. Like I said, comfort came from the uncomfortable trapping of this adopted persona.
“I’m sure,” I replied firmly, giving her my fake smile. I was getting mighty good at it. I almost convinced myself it was real.
She peered at me once more. “Okay,” she said finally. “I don’t do mushy shit, but I did lose my mom young.” Her hard eyes softened a smidgeon. “Know what that pain is like, Lily. Feel for you girl.” She gave my arm a quick squeeze.
Jude was pushing fifty and the years weren’t kind to her. I wasn’t talking about her looks, she looked five years younger than she was. Her inky black hair was free from any gray strands giving away her age. Her skin was perpetually tanned, and wrinkles touched the corner of her eyes and mouth. If she looked five years younger, she dressed fifteen years younger. She was wearing a tight red tee with a plunging neckline, tucked into tight black jeans, her spike heeled boots coming up to mid-calf. She was wearing enough silver jewelry to sink the Titanic. None of that betrayed what she had endured in her life. It was her eyes. Demons danced beyond them.
“Thanks,” I replied quietly.
She nodded briskly and turned to retreat back into her office.
I took a breath and braced for all the hugs and sympathetic words that the girls had for me as soon as Jude left. The women I worked with were all nice, lovely in fact. That was the problem. Lovely people offered sympathy. Sympathy reminded me of what I was trying desperately to forget.
“You’re so strong, Lily. Coming back to work so soon?” Skye squeezed my hand once she released me from the hug, her eyes kind. “I’d never be able to do that.”
“And you look great,” Emma added from beside me, her made up eyes scanning my body. “Different, but great.”
“Not that you didn’t look great before,” Skye added quickly, narrowing her eyes at Emma.
Emma’s eyes widened in confusion. She had no filter and wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box, but she had a good heart. Both girls were bubbly, beautiful and not afraid to come to work in what was little more than underwear. Which was why they always raked in more tips than me. Prior to tonight, I’d never shown this much skin, wore this much makeup, no matter how desperate I’d been for the money.
“Let’s get ready for a big night,” Emma winked, lining up shot glasses.
Skye handed me one. “To Lily’s mom,” she said quietly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and clinked the tiny glass against theirs. I savored the fire of the alcohol as it burned my throat and numbed my fingertips. I immediately grabbed the bottle and filled up our glasses once more, lifting mine to them and downing it.
Both girls held their still full glasses and regarded me in amazement. I never drank at work. They did. Everyone did. It wasn’t frowned upon by Jude, hell, she encouraged it. Especially when the customers paid for our drinks, which they routinely did. As long as we could still pour beer and string together sentences it was fine. I was happy for that particular job benefit right about now.
The bar we worked on straddled the invisible line between the ‘good’ side of Tasman Springs and the ‘dodgy’ side. That and our reputation for having pretty young bartenders wearing little to no clothes flirting with the customers. That meant our clientele was always mixed with drunken frat boys and rougher, more dangerous men. We didn’t have much trouble, probably because Jude was well known and respected, and she had a shotgun behind the bar.
“To a big night,” I muttered, holding up my third glass.
I sat on a nearly empty bus at three in the morning, blearily regarding the empty streets passing me by. My mind was fuzzy at the edges, I wasn’t blotto, considering I’d switched to water halfway through my shift. I may have been taking to my new lifestyle like a fish to water, but I was yet to find the ability to drink like a fish. I was a lightweight. I also needed this job. My money was getting dangerously low, and my expenses were dangerously high. Oblivion was tempting, but homelessness was a deterrent. I was right on one thing, my tips drastically improved with my new wardrobe and drinking habits.
My eyes flickered down to the screen of my phone. I’d missed Asher’s call tonight. I’d been working, but I didn’t know if I could speak to him after the way we left things the previous day. Despite what he made me feel, the pain speaking to him ushered in, I missed the sound of his voice already. I took a breath.
Me: Sorry I missed your call, I was working. Talk tomorrow? I paused typing while chewing my lip, then added xxx
Kisses at the end of a text may have been a stupid thing to obsess over, I’d lost my virginity to the man for goodness sake, but I still felt a strange closeness about the gesture. I didn’t put kisses at the end of any other text message, apart from with my mom and Bex. That and I rarely texted anyone but my mom and Bex.
I jumped when my phone rang in my hand, the sound seeming louder in the quiet bus.
“Hello?” I whispered, feeling self-conscious about being the obnoxious person talking on the bus. The woman in the nurse’s uniform a couple of seats down, and the homeless man across from me didn’t seem worried.