Beneath This Ink (Beneath #2)(51)

They reminded me of the destroyed Alexander McQueen cocktail dress I’d stuffed in the trash in the emergency room. The one I’d worn while I’d crawled across a parking lot and watched a boy get shot trying to protect me. And I’d just had mind-blowing orgasms in a shower while he was lying in the ICU.

Yes, the sex had been life affirming. Maybe even life changing, if I were so inclined. But right now, I couldn’t see beyond the giant wall of guilt that slammed down between Con and me.

“Do you have any extra clothes?”

He nodded, slowly, studying me.

“You okay?” he asked.

For the briefest moment, I considered lying, giving the answer I’d given so many times before. I’m fine. But right now, I couldn’t muster the will to offer up that BS line. Because right now, I wasn’t fine.

“No.” The word came out on a raw, ragged breath.

“Shit.” Con tilted my chin up. “Did I hurt you?” His body vibrated with coiled strength. “I know I—”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s not you.” Tears pooled in my eyes, and I was too tired to hold them back.

“Whoa, honey.” He caught a sliding tear on his thumb. “You gotta clue me in here.”

I sniffled in a decidedly unladylike manner. “Trey. We just…and he could be dying.”

Con stiffened and glanced toward his phone. “Not to say that every minute I was inside you, I wasn’t totally focused on you…but if that phone had gone off, I would’ve been diving for it.”

“But—”

With a shake of his head, Con reached out and grabbed another towel off the stack and used it to rub down his chest. “No buts. If you think Trey would’ve begrudged us what we just did, then you don’t know much about kids like him.”

Swiping at my tears, my brow furrowed.

Con registered my confusion. “Not how you’re thinking. How many buddies do you think he’s laid to rest because of drive-bys and other random-ass gang shit? Guaranteed it’s a bigger number than you’d think.”

I still wasn’t following.

He continued, “When you grow up knowing that age eighteen and a high school diploma are no certainty, you take what you can and appreciate the shit out of it while you have it. Because you might not get another chance.” Gesturing between the two of us, he added, “A second chance like this? Probably unheard of.”

It made a sick and sad sort of sense.

Even so, it didn’t completely alleviate the guilt I was feeling. Or the scary idea that it could just as easily be me lying in the ICU tonight.

Con checked his phone. “You going to work today? Because if you are, you better try to grab a few hours of sleep, and then you’re going to need to get home to change.”

I thought about what was on my calendar for the day. A meeting or two about the building project. Grant application review. Working on next year’s budget. Any other day I would’ve found those things to be critical. But right about now, they were nothing that couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

I shook my head. “I’m not going to work, but a couple hours of sleep would be good. Then I want to head back to the hospital and sit with Ms. Vincent.”

“Okay.” He strode toward the door, but paused on the threshold and turned back to me. “Where do you want to sleep?”

Fatigue was muddling my brain because I didn’t really understand the question. “What do you mean?”

“You sleeping with me? Or alone?”

I’m not sure I liked that he was giving me an option. Because that meant I had to make a choice.

A voice whispered in my head, it doesn’t matter what you choose. You can’t keep him. Might as well get what you can while you can.

The logic was a little too much like that which he’d attributed to Trey’s upbringing. But it made sense.

So I gave him the truth. “With you.”





So now I’d had her—and I remembered it. When she’d frozen up after we’d stepped out of the shower, it’d been the perfect opportunity to find her some clothes, call her a cab, and send her on her way. That was what I would’ve done if this had been any other woman.

Yeah, it would’ve made me a prick, but at least it would’ve been simple.

Because lying here, holding a sleeping Vanessa, listening to her breathe, was anything but simple. This shit was getting downright complicated. Because there was no way I was ready to let her go.

When I was sixteen, she’d been the most perfect, unattainable girl I’d ever seen. And despite my current position, she was still just as perfect and just as unattainable.

Maybe if we both turned our backs on this town and started over somewhere new… but that wasn’t about to happen.

A soft groan broke through my thoughts and the silence of the morning.

Vanessa’s body jerked against the arm I had wrapped beneath her breasts. Loosening it, I propped myself up to look down at her face. Her features were tight and twisted. It was a look I’d seen way too many times before on the faces of my buddies. Hell, they’d probably seen it on my face more times than I’d like to admit. Nightmare.

There was no question in my mind what she was dreaming about. She didn’t need to re-live that shit. I tightened my arm around her, giving her a slight shake.