Behind Her Eyes(56)

‘What?’ He turns and looks at me, properly looks at me, for the first time since he’s stormed inside. He frowns. His voice lowers. ‘What has she said to you about me?’

‘Oh, she never says anything other than she loves you.’ It’s my turn to sneer. ‘But I see things. I know how you treat her. How nervous of you she is. I see how you’ve been playing around with her head.’

He stares at me long and hard. ‘Don’t for a second think you know anything about my marriage.’

‘I know you have all her money. Is that why you won’t leave? The poor little farmer’s boy saves the wealthy heiress and then gets her to sign over her inheritance and never gives it back? You’re a walking Agatha fucking Christie plot.’ Now I’m angry. Yes, maybe he is right to be so upset with me, and I don’t know how I’d feel in his position – violated and cheated maybe – but he was sleeping with me behind his wife’s back, so I’m claiming that as a get-out-of-jail-free card, for now, anyway.

‘You really think nothing of me at all, do you?’ He’s pale and shaking, but his eyes are all fire.

‘No, that’s not true,’ I say, hating the way fresh tears spring from my eyes. ‘I have feelings for you. I thought maybe I loved you. Was partway there at any rate. But there is all this other stuff, David. Stuff you don’t tell me. Stuff your poor wife is too afraid to talk about.’

‘What the fuck is it that you think you know, Louise?’ His words are cold and clipped and a terrible stillness has settled on him. Contained rage. Is that a threat or a question? I’m more afraid now than I was when he was shouting. I think about how he treats Adele and I think of his burn scars and how he rescued her from the blaze. I think of the money. Were his heroics for her or for him?

‘What really happened to Adele’s parents?’ My arms fold across my chest as my quiet voice hurls the implied accusation. ‘A fire in the middle of the night and you happened to be passing. She told me about that. Her hero.’ I make a pfft sound to finish showing exactly what I think of that, even if I don’t really know what I think of that.

‘I fucking saved her life.’ He growls as he jabs a finger at me, almost stabbing me with it. I take a step back.

‘Yeah, you did. But not her parents. They died. That worked out well for you, didn’t it?’

He recoils, his eyes wide. ‘You fucking bitch. You think I …?’

‘I don’t know what to think!’ I’m shouting, ranting. ‘I’m tired of thinking about it. The pills, the phone calls, all that shit! Adele’s controlling David, my kind but fucked-up David, trying to figure the real you out in the mess of it all. I never wanted to have to think about it! I never wanted to be her friend, but I am, and I like her, and I feel shit about everything!’ I’m so upset I can hardly get a breath, sobbing and panting and fighting for air. ‘I feel like shit!’

‘For fuck’s sake, calm down, Louise.’ He takes a step forward, trying to take my arms, but I shake him off as I gasp and cry. He’s shocked by my torrent of emotion; I can just about see that.

‘I’m her only friend.’ I’m on a roll to destruction and I can’t stop it. I’m tired of having all the questions eating me up inside. ‘Her only friend. Why is that?’

‘Louise, listen—’

‘What happened to Rob, David?’

He freezes then, and I can almost feel the whole world hold a breath between us. My own breathing levels. ‘Why aren’t they friends any more?’ I ask. ‘What did you do?’

He stares at me. ‘How do you know about Rob?’ The words are barely more than a whisper.

‘What did you do?’ I ask again, but something in his face makes me wonder if I really want to know. He doesn’t seem to hear me. For a long moment he says nothing and I realise he’s not staring at me, but at something beyond me, something only he can see.

‘You’re fired,’ he says, eventually.

The words, cold and clinical, are so not what I’m expecting that I don’t make any sense of them.

‘What?’ It’s my turn to frown, confused.

‘Hand in your immediate notice tomorrow. By email. I don’t care what reason you give – make something up. You should manage that easily enough.’

I’m stunned. My job? He’s taking my job?

‘And if you think about telling Dr Sykes about our tawdry little affair, then I will show him this.’ He holds up Adele’s phone. ‘And then you’re going to look as obsessive as Anthony Hawkins.’ He leans in close to me, threateningly controlled and quiet. ‘Because only a fucking crazy person would start a secret friendship with the wife of the man they’re fucking.’ He pulls back slightly. ‘And Dr Sykes is a man’s man. He won’t care that I fucked you. But he won’t respect you for fucking me. He’ll find a way to get rid of you himself.’

I’m losing my job. Suddenly, this is all very real. David hates me, I don’t know if Adele’s okay, and now I’ve lost my job. I think back to that first night in the bar where we laughed and drank and he made me feel so alive, and then the tears come thick and fast and fresh and full of self-pity. It’s my mess and I should own it, but knowing that makes me feel worse.