Before You (Before You #1)(79)
Bre pried her fingers between them, pushing against his chest, but Cam wouldn’t budge. He needed Bre to know he loved her and he’d be there for her forever.
“No, Cam,” Bre said, shaking her head. “Let go.”
Cam dropped his arms and stepped away from her. “Okay, but I’m here for you. This is my fault. I should have realized that Jax would do this. I shouldn’t have let him in. I encouraged the friendship and pushed you right into his arms.” Cam raked his fingers through his hair. He basically handed Bre to Jax on a platter. He was an idiot.
“No, Cam. What Jax did or didn’t do isn’t your fault. I made choices, and I believed in him.” Sitting down on the sofa, Bre’s head fell forward into her hands, as she released a strangled sob. “Part of me wants to hate him, but I can’t. I still want to believe in him.”
Feeling helpless, Cam shoved his hands in his pockets. “Bre, I still want to be with you. We belong together….”
“Oh God,” she groaned through her hands that still covered her face.
“I’ll wait until you’re ready,” Cam responded quickly, not wanting to pressure her. “I know we have a lot to work through. I hurt you. I get that. I can’t believe what I did to you, to us. I feel sick. I promised to be there for you when we were kids, I intend to live up to that promise.” And he did. He may have let her down, but he’d spend the rest of life making it up to her if she’d let him.
She dropped her hands and looked him in the eyes. “Cam, I love him. I don’t want to work through things with you. We can be friends, but regardless of what happens with Jax, we won’t get back together.”
Cam paced the length of the room, uncertain how to fix this. Exhaling loudly, he turned to face her. “Why?”
“Why, what?” Bre asked confused.
“Why him and not me?” he asked as he sat down next to her. It was awkward and his heart literally felt like it’d been torn to shreds since the minute he saw her luggage at Jax’s house. But seeing her like this…this was almost worse. He needed to understand, he needed to understand her feelings for Jax. He looked at her, searching for an answer, when it hit him like a punch in the gut, she wasn’t his anymore, he could see it in her eyes.
“I don’t know. I can’t explain. I do love you, but not like I love him. With him, it’s so much more.” The air rushed out of his lungs in loud swish. “I didn’t understand the difference until recently. I feel strong when I’m with him. He makes me feel happy, whole, cherished. You’re my friend, and we’ve known each other for a long time. It’s comfortable being with you, but both of us deserve more than that. We shouldn’t settle. Well, maybe if we’re forty, and we still can’t find anyone who will deal with us, and I’ve started a cat collection.” Bre laughed lightly. He loved when she laughed.
“You don’t need to decide right now. Take some time,” he said, making one last effort to hold onto her. He twirled her hair around his finger, fearing it might be the last time he could touch her like this.
Bre swallowed hard. “I don’t want time to think. I don’t need it. Even if Jax and Katie are engaged, I can’t crawl back to you. It’s time I found myself.” Bre grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. “Let it go, please,” she implored, rubbing her hand over his thumb.
Cam stared down at their intertwined hands and he wanted to close his eyes and rewind the clock. Some time in the last year, he’d forgotten how much he wanted her in his life and he’d taken her for granted. He’d always assumed Bre would be waiting for him when he finished exploring the world, but now he realized how unfair and selfish his actions were. His behavior would haunt him for a long time. She deserved better, especially because he had witnessed how Bre’s mother treated her growing up. If he truly loved her, he would set her free. He’d do anything for this girl and if that meant handing her over to Jax, it’d kill him, but he’d do it.
After a few minutes, he sighed. “Is this really what you want?”
“Yes,” Bre said, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. “I can’t hold onto you because I’m afraid to be alone. That’s not fair to either of us.”
Cam leaned his forehead against hers, wiping away a tear that trailed down her delicate cheek. “Okay. If letting go will make you happy, I’ll do it, because I’d do anything to make you happy.” He smiled at her even though he felt like a little part of himself was dying inside. If she loved Jax and Jax loved her, he wouldn’t stand in her way. He owed her that and more. “I’d even kick Jax’s ass for hurting you if you want.”
Bre’s mouth trembled with laughter. “Thank you,” she responded with a soft voice.
Cam pressed a kiss against her forehead. “Anytime, babe.” He stood up, needing to move from the couch before he started begging her to love him. “So what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. My flight leaves around 10:30 AM tomorrow, and other than my wallet, my stuff is still at Jax’s place.” Bre leaned against the sofa back and tilted her head up. “I guess I have to call him at some point.”
“If you don’t go back soon, he’ll probably call you or show up here.”
“I don’t think so,” Bre said apprehensively.