Because You're Mine(47)

Ceol ran through their entire repertoire in the next two hours, and Alanna’s fingers throbbed when they finally put down their instruments.

Jesse wiped his perspiring forehead. “I’m ready for something to drink. Any chance you have some Club Orange?”

Liam’s favorite soft drink. Alanna told herself not to overreact. Jesse had likely picked up a taste for it when he was in college with Liam.

She forced a smile. “It does sound good, doesn’t it? Afraid all I have in the fridge is the typical American fare. I think I saw Coke and Sprite on the shelves.”

“A Sprite will have to do then.” He fell into step with her as the others trooped downstairs ahead of them. “How are you feeling today?”

She slowed her steps so the others would get far enough ahead not to hear their conversation. “Fair enough. A bit sore. One question though, Jesse. Why were you here last night? You never explained. It seems a bit dodgy.”

He frowned and looked away. “I needed to talk to you, ask some questions. I feel drawn to you, Alanna. Like there is something between us.” He stopped and rubbed his head. “I keep getting flashbacks of memory. Were we ever lovers?”

She hid her shock. “We dated briefly, but just as friends. I met Liam through you.”

“Maybe that’s it.” His expression and voice held doubt. “I feel I know you so well.” He rubbed his head.

“It was only through Liam. It’s your imagination, Jesse.”

“It’s not just the memories of you,” he said. “My friends and family tell me that I was agnostic and wouldn’t set foot inside a church, but I find myself drawn to St. Michael’s. The quiet, the sense of holiness there draws me. Was Liam religious?”

Liam had loved that church too. He’d made a visit there for morning mass every day they stayed in Charleston. She backed away from him and wished the others were closer. The delusions this man held might make him capable of anything.

She began to walk toward the steps again at a faster clip. “I think you need to be talking to your therapist. I’m sure the explosion has caused these strange memories that aren’t real.”

“Maybe,” he said. “But that’s why I came last night. I wanted to ask you if we were closer than anyone else knew. I-I almost feel as if Liam is haunting me.”

The blood drained from her head, and she felt faint. First banshees and now this strange blather from Jesse about a haunting. If Liam were going to haunt anyone, wouldn’t he hover close to her? She wanted to strike Jesse with her fists and make him take back his crazy talk.

The dejection in his voice lessened her anger. He had suffered plenty these past months. He had to reconstruct his reality based on what other people told him. Between all the surgeries and the physical therapy, his life had become a roller coaster ride of pain and dark mists. She knew he’d stayed with his parents for a time while they tried to recover all the explosion had yanked away.

Had this man tried to kill himself and take Liam with him? The detective seemed so certain, and this crazy talk reinforced the possibility in Alanna’s mind.

Sometimes she thought Liam wasn’t really gone—that he was out there somewhere calling for her. She knew Liam was in heaven, but she wished she could believe some aspect of her husband lived on in Jesse. That she could gaze deep into his eyes and catch a glimpse of the man she loved. To know he was gone from her for the rest of her life was more than she could bear to think about.

She eyed Jesse again. “What are you saying? That you think Liam has possessed you?”

A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Something like that. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Or maybe the love he had for you imprinted on me somehow. I don’t know.”

She had to keep a grip on reality. “Our only real connection was our mutual love for Liam. What do you remember about the explosion? Anything?”

He shook his head. “My past is just blank. I only know what I’m told. But I’ve been having these dreams . . .”

“That’s all they are. Just dreams. Your regrets showing up from your subconscious.”

“That’s what my shrink says, but it feels like more. I want to get to the bottom of it.”

“There’s nothing to get to,” she said, her voice sharp. “I’m sorry, but we’ve never even kissed, Jesse.” They reached the bottom of the steps. “I’ve heard you had been thinking about suicide.” She bit her lip, wishing she could pull back the words. He’d been opening up to her and she’d likely cut off that flow of confidence.

He caught her arm. “Who told you that?” His fingers bit into her flesh. “It was that detective, wasn’t it? Adams. He thinks I’m too stupid to notice how he’s been following me around. I know what he’s told you—that I wanted to take Liam out with me in a murder-suicide thing. It’s not true!”

“How do you know if you can’t remember?” she asked, keeping her voice neutral.

“I’m not crazy!”

His raised voice frightened her, and she managed to get her arm out of his grip. “Of course not,” she said soothingly. “I wasn’t saying you were.”

“That is what you were implying. That I’d try to take out my best friend, a guy I’ve loved like a brother since I was seventeen.”