Beauty and the Bull Rider (Hotel Rodeo #3)(17)

“I’m sorry. That’s not how I meant it,” she said. “I’m saying that just because we have an urge to do something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.”

“It doesn’t mean it’s the wrong thing either,” he countered.

She bit her lip. “I can’t do this, Zac.”

“Why not?” he asked. “You want a baby, don’t you?”

“But I don’t want a relationship. I told you from the beginning I’m not looking for that. I only need sperm. Sleeping together would only complicate everything.”

“How?” he asked.

“When it doesn’t work between us?” she asked. “What then? Could you deal with being an absentee father?”

“Whoa there!” He raised a hand. “That’s quite a leap you’re taking. If we were to do this, Delaney, if we made a baby together, what makes you think I’d want to be relegated to the shadows? I’d want to be a real father. I’d want to take my boy fishing, teach him to ride. I’d want to be an equal part of his life.”

“What if it were a girl?” she asked.

“Girls ride horses and fish too, don’t they?” he replied.

“You’re putting the cart way ahead of your horse, cowboy,” she answered with a nervous laugh. “Do you honestly think you’re even ready for fatherhood?”

“Maybe making babies wasn’t something I particularly wanted to rush into, but I like kids well enough. I always figured I’d have a few of ’em when the time was right.”

“You don’t think you’d ever want kids with someone else?” she asked.

“I’m thirty-four and I’ve been with a lot of women in my time,” he replied. “And I’ve never even thought about it before now. So maybe you see why I’m operating under the assumption that it is going to work, and better than either of us could ever have imagined.”

“Why would you think that?” she asked.

“Because we just got a small taste of it.”

“Great chemistry doesn’t guarantee a great relationship, Zac. Believe me, I know this from past experience. And there’s no good reason for me to try it again.”

“Unless you’ve changed your mind about the sperm bank, it seems to me you don’t have many options. Do you think a better offer is going to come along?”

“Probably not,” she said. “But just because you offered doesn’t guarantee you’re a viable candidate, Zac. Did you know sperm banks reject ninety percent of prospective donors? If you’re serious about this, you’d need to submit a sperm sample for semen analysis.”

“Semen analysis?”

“You know, the same stuff they look for in breeding bulls—sperm count and motility. There would be no point in pursuing this any further if there are any fertility issues. And then there’s also genetic testing.”

“You mean you’d expect me to just jack off and give it to you?”

“Not quite,” she replied. “That would require me to transport it to the clinic. It would be much better if you went there. The success rate is highest when it’s fresh.”

“Sweetheart, fresh wouldn’t be an issue if you’d just consider doing this the old-fashioned way.”

“Ain’t gonna happen, Zac. Now that we’re clear on that subject, I understand if you want to withdraw your offer.”

He studied her for a long moment, looking uncertain. “Is that what you want me to do?”

“Makes no difference to me,” she replied with a shrug. “But I figured it would be a game changer for you. It would be for most men.”

“I’m not most men,” he said. That was true enough. Most men skipped outta dodge at the first mention of kids. “And I’m willing to sacrifice a few million sperm cells, if that’s what it takes to get what I want.”

Her gaze searched his. “What do you want? I don’t understand why you offered to do this. What’s in it for you?”

“I told you what I want. Now I want to know why sleeping together is such a problem for you?” he asked. “You can’t say you’re not attracted to me ’cause I’ll never buy it after that incredible lip-lock.”

She bit her lip. “I just think it’ll overcomplicate things.”

“How?” he asked.

“Okay, let’s just suppose we were to go down that road. What if I don’t get pregnant? If it doesn’t happen for me, you’re the winner and I’m the loser.”

“You’re looking at it all wrong,” he said. “There’s no winner or loser in this. There’s just two people trying to meet each other’s needs. Nothing in life is a sure bet, but sometimes we need to take chances in order to get what we want.”

She knew he was right, but she didn’t know if she had courage enough to try again. Her only other option was to go it alone with an adoption. She’d considered that alternative as well, but the waiting list for an infant was a mile long, unless she went out of the country. Although she’d consider that route if she couldn’t conceive any other way, she ached for the entire experience of motherhood, of feeling a baby growing inside her.

“I don’t know, Zac,” she said. “This just isn’t the way I planned things. Please. I need some time to process all this.”