Bad Nanny (The Bad Nanny Trilogy #1)(98)

Hopefully he'll be gone when I get home tomorrow morning.

Hopefully he'll still be there when I get home tomorrow morning.

I sigh as the dueling thoughts fill my brain, turning onto my back and putting my forearms against my forehead as I listen to the almost disturbing silence of the neighborhood. When I close my eyes, the scene from the club replays over and over again on the screen of my eyelids.

As soon as I saw Zay in the darkness beyond the stage, I … I don't know what I felt, but it was powerful. And emotional. And so intense I could barely breathe.

“Crap.” I put my hands over my face and try to think about all this in a logical way. It's best that Zayden goes home, really. I have a degree and two little girls and an ailing father to worry about. I don't need a man in my life. No way, no how.

But I want one. No, no, I want this one.

I take several deep breaths and let the pain of the evening wash over me. It's stifling, ten times as intense as the emotions I felt when I caught Anthony cheating on me. And I was with him for three years. Three years of hanging out and laughing and going to parties and restaurants, snuggling on the couch.

Two weeks with Zayden and it feels like his heart should beat in tune with mine. The sex part aside, I love hanging out with him. And I love the way he is with my nieces, with his own. He's the kind of guy that actually makes me want to have kids sooner, just so I can see him snuggle and kiss and play with them.

But if he doesn't want me, what can I do? I gave him a chance tonight and all he did was cost me my job. Now I'm back at square one.

Alone. Jobless. Screwed.

And in love.



I blink awake to bright sunshine, looking confusedly around at my parents' white and beige living room before I realize where I am.

Oh.

Strip club. Fight with Zayden. Last day. Last day and he's gone …

My breath sucks in sharply and I surge to my feet, tearing my phone from my back pocket and checking for messages. There're about a hundred from him, asking me where I am, if I'm safe, threatening to call the cops.

I almost smile, but then the expression fades.

I slept through my class. Shit. Now I have just enough time to get back to my place before Zayden leaves to pick up the kids. After that, he'll drop them off with me and then … drive away in his Geo and never come back.

Tears prickle the edges of my eyes, but I dash them away, heading outside and locking the door behind me as quick as I can. I feel so desperate to see him suddenly that it's like I'm choking on the emotion. I'm sure it won't change anything, but I just want to see his face, maybe give him one last kiss, feel his hands on my body for a brief second.

“Crap, crap, crap,” I mumble as I sprint to the car and climb in, peeling out of there at a speed that'd probably give most of the old people living here heart attacks. In all reality, I should probably stay away from Zayden until he brings the girls home from school. He's due at the airport right after that, so he won't have any time to mess with my head, play around with my emotions, smile that goofy sexy smile at me.

I speed all the way home; it's a miracle I don't get a ticket.

When I get there, Zay's just finishing putting Sadie in her car seat, running his fingers through his hair. It's not styled at all today, the long side hanging messily over his forehead. He's wearing those knee-high Converse with the buckles, and a black shirt that says Body Piercer, Baby on it.

As soon as he sees me pull into the driveway, this rush of relief crowds his features and then he's just at my door, yanking it open wide and pulling me out and into his arms.

“Jesus f*cking Christ, Brooke,” Zay groans as he squeezes me hard enough to choke the life out of me. I don't want to admit how good it feels, how much I hate the things he said last night but still feel like forgiving him. “Where the hell were you?” he asks as he pushes me a step back and takes hold of my upper arms. “I called the police and everything. Fuckers said they couldn't do shit until you'd been missing some arbitrary f*cking amount of f*cking time.”

“You're saying f*ck a lot,” I whisper, but the way his sea glass green eyes trace over my body makes me shiver. “I stayed at my parents' place last night. I just … didn't want to be here with you.” He lets go of me with a sigh and checks the time on his phone. He really needs to go or he'll be late to pick up Grace.

“Want to come with me? We can talk on the drive.”

I shake my head and take a step away from him.

“Are you still planning on leaving today?” I ask as I look up at Zayden. He purses his lips so tight that the silver pointed studs he's wearing today poke out at me like swords. “I'll take that as a yes.”

I try to move past him, but he reaches out again and gently grabs my elbow.

“I've been thinking about this all night … and it … I'll ruin your life, Brooke. I know I will. You have so much f*cking potential. There's so much more for you out there than me.”

“Whatever.” I jerk my arm away from him and storm towards the front door. Part of me believes what he's saying, knows that this is the logical, smart choice to make. But it also sucks. And I hate it. And I want somebody that will choose me for me, that wants to be with me because I make them smile. If I'm not enough for Zayden to take a chance on, then that's okay. I can do this.