Baby Doll(45)

Wes thought Abby was a stuck-up bitch and hated that she was always a third wheel. They’d both driven Lily crazy with their stupid bickering, constantly forcing her to take sides. And now they were together. They were having a baby together.

Lily had wanted to scream at Wes, to ask him why he hadn’t waited for her. But that wasn’t fair. No one, not Abby, not Wes, not even Lily herself could have imagined that she would return home. She knew all of this rationally, and yet the pain was searing.

She’d been lying in bed for hours. Sky was fast asleep but Lily couldn’t stop her mind from spinning. She’d never allowed herself to wallow in self-pity, to ask why me. There wasn’t mental energy to waste dwelling on something she couldn’t control. But now that’s all she could think about. Why did she get Rick, and Abby got Wes’s love and devotion, and his baby? Why did Abby get a nice, kind man? Because I’m not worthy, that’s why, Lily thought.

Abby got to have Wes’s baby, and Lily got Rick’s. The thought made her ill, thinking back to those nights Rick would whisper his fantasies as he violated her over and over again. And here she was, pregnant with another child. Rick’s child.

“How far along am I?” she’d asked Dr. Amari at the hospital after she’d delivered the news.

“It’s early. Only six weeks. You can still terminate.”

“You mean kill it?”

“I’m saying there are options, Lily, if you want to discuss them.”

But Lily didn’t want to discuss anything. She didn’t want anything else that would bind her to Rick. And yet, when she thought about the baby, her baby, Sky’s sibling, she was paralyzed. This was her child too. Its life was in her hands. If she were still living down in that hole with Sky, she’d have fought like hell to protect it, the same way she’d protected Sky. But things were different down there. Down there, Sky had nothing to do with Rick. Her daughter was a gift, sent from above, a sign that hope could still live on, even in the darkest of places. She didn’t know how she’d feel about this child. What if it were a boy? A sweet, young boy, who grew into a handsome young man who followed in his father’s footsteps? What if he were evil? What was she supposed to do with a child like that? Lily closed her eyes. They’d been together. Abby and Wes.

Together.

Lily was sickened. One of her biggest regrets was not giving Wes her virginity. Rick stole that from her too. She always wondered what it might have been like, to wake in Wes’s arms, to experience everything she’d read in her mother’s romance novels or seen on TV. Those tender moments, sweet, romantic kisses, the mutual respect as you discovered each other’s bodies. Those things didn’t exist once she became Rick’s property. They couldn’t exist.

Lily knew she’d never sleep now. She slowly crawled out of bed and gave Sky a tender kiss. She grabbed a sweatshirt and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. Dr. Lashlee had said she’d feel cold until she put on some weight, and she was right. Lily couldn’t stop shivering.

She made her way downstairs, enjoying the comfortable silence. In the kitchen, she beelined for the refrigerator, swinging open the heavy doors. An endless array of options greeted her. Casseroles and lasagna. Chocolate pie. Brownies. Milk and beer. Chardonnay and vodka. Whatever you were craving, it was there for the taking.

In the cabin, Lily and Sky ate whatever Rick delivered. He controlled Lily’s weight religiously. “No fatties allowed,” was Rick’s mantra, which meant treats were nonexistent. She grabbed a piece of fudge from one of the platters and devoured it, savoring the rich, decadent taste. She would have kept eating, but something outside caught her eye. Lily froze. Someone was sitting on the back porch swing, rocking back and forth. She almost screamed, called out for help, but the figure turned. Lily saw his profile. It was Wes. What was he doing out there?

She thought about rushing back upstairs. Locking herself in her room again and cuddling up with Sky. But her curiosity, her desire to know more about him, got the best of her. Lily slid open the sliding glass door just as Wes looked up from the swing, a cigarette in his hand. She felt disappointed by him. The Wes she’d known would never smoke. He’d been vigilant in his training, refusing to do anything that might poison his body. When he saw her, he leapt to his feet, stubbing out the cigarette as if he sensed she might judge him.

“Lily, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s okay. I… What are you doing out here?”

“Abby took off after your argument, so your mom asked me to look for her…”

“Is Abby okay?” Lily asked. No matter how hurt she was feeling, she couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to her sister.

“She came back here about an hour ago, but she’s pretty pissed at me. I kept telling myself I should go home but I just couldn’t seem to leave. I didn’t realize how late it was. I should go.”

He gave Lily a quick nod and headed for the back gate. She’d been watching him, analyzing what he looked like now. He was cute, but not as cute as Lily remembered. It was almost as if he hadn’t grown into his matinee-idol good looks. His nose was a bit too big for his face, his hair was a little too short, and he had a thick, heavy stubble. But his eyes hadn’t changed at all. Deep gray and piercing. God, she’d missed those eyes.

“Wait, don’t go,” Lily called out.