Apprentice (The Black Mage, #2)(64)

It was getting harder and harder to pull away. To remind myself that when we returned to Langli it would have to end. At least for a time.

I didn't want to think about the future. I just wanted time to stop.

"Ryiah." The non-heir dropped my hand to lean in close. "You know it's not going to be easy - for either of us… Not at first."

I swallowed as I read the truth in his eyes. He was nervous.

Darren was never nervous. The realization hit me like a thick sheet of ice, my throat constricting against its numbing cold. This was real. There was no going back.

Tomorrow we would arrive in Port Langli and everything would change.

"We've planned it as best we could… We just have to make sure we don't make any mistakes." I wasn't really speaking to him. Darren was a master at keeping his emotions in check. He would have no problem continuing the charade until we reached the palace. "I – I will try my best to follow it."

Darren brushed a strand of hair from my eyes. "I know you will, Ry." He sighed. "I just wish there was an easier way for both of us." Then he pulled me back to him and held on tightly. "No matter what happens, Ryiah, I'm not going to give up. No matter how hard it gets."





****





When we arrived at the port the sun had already set and we were greeted by a wave of fog that had just begun to settle on the beach. Above us I could see forks of lightning coming from the bluffs, and though we were still too far away to see them I knew somewhere up there was Master Byron and the rest of our faction.

Darren's grip on my hand tightened in one final reassurance and then he released it. The two of us had a long road ahead of us and it started with Ian.

After I had finished putting away my pack and taken a long, hot bath to scrub away a month's grime of sea and sweat I heard the rest of the girls enter the barracks. I had just finished pulling my shift over my head when Ella found me, shrieking and screaming that I was back and that I had better tell her every last detail of my trip.

Chuckling, I told her that I couldn't. Mira had made it very clear to Darren and I that our mission was never, ever to be discussed with anyone unless we had permission from the king himself. Not even Commander Chen knew exactly what our assignment had been. Our hostage and her daughter had already been transported out of the city. Mira and the rest of the crew were riding to Devon as we spoke.

"Has Ian seen you yet? Of course not, what am I thinking, he's going to be so excited…" Ella trailed off as she noticed my expression. Her face fell and then hardened. "You changed your mind." It wasn't a question.

"Shh!" I pulled Ella to the side. I didn't want anyone else to hear, especially Priscilla. I took a quick scan of the barracks and sighed, realizing there was no sign of the dark-haired beauty. Then I cringed as I realized she was probably looking for Darren.

Ella studied my expression. "I hope you aren't making a mistake." Her eyes spoke her thoughts, but she was too much of a friend to say them aloud.

I raced off in the direction of the men's barracks, wondering what excuse I would give to find Ian inside, when I noticed the curly-haired fourth-year outside talking to Loren. The second he spotted me Ian excused himself and ran over, a huge smile on his face.

My mouth was instantly dry. There was no question Ian cared, loved me even – and here I was, about to tell him I'd made a mistake.

"Ryiah!" Ian pulled me in a tight embrace and bent low to kiss me. I pulled back, shame filling my cheeks with color as his baffled eyes sought my own. Pain, hurt, and anger took over golden green so that all I saw was a mix of emotions and then the impact of my decision.

Ian didn't know that Darren had almost died, that it had taken losing the prince for me to finally acknowledge the depth of my feelings. All Ian knew was that I had chosen him, told him I loved him, and then tossed him aside the moment I was alone with Darren. After telling Ian multiples times that I didn't care for Darren, after assuring him that I was his. That I would never choose the prince.

My words to Ella during our first year of the apprenticeship came back to me: I would never hurt Ian.

I was a liar. "I'm sorry," I whispered, hating the look in his eyes as he took a faltering step back.

"I thought you were better than this."

I cringed – Ian's quiet anger was worse than shouting. I was unable to do anything besides blurt out, "I'm sorry!" again. He didn't need an explanation. There was nothing that I could say to change the way he was feeling.

"Did he say he's going to leave her?"

I nodded. "When we get to the palace."

"It won't last." Ian drew in a deep frustrated breath and stared at me. "He's only going to break your heart, Ryiah. He's a prince – he's never going to choose you! You are lowborn!"

I opened my mouth and then shut it instead.

"You will never, ever be good enough. Not for Darren." There was so much fury in his eyes - and now there was anger building in me as well.

"You don't know him!" The words came out harsher than I intended.

Ian ignored me, continuing bitterly: "Whatever lies he told you, I hope the fleeting moments are worth it, Ryiah." Then he straightened. "When he betrays you – because he will - I hope you remember that."