An Alpha's Choice (Talon Pack #2)(18)

He’d kissed her.

He’d freaking kissed her.

He wasn’t supposed to kiss her. He was supposed to keep his distance and make it easier for her to die slowly inside. He didn’t want her; he’d proven that over the past year by looking right through her as nothing but a woman, wolf? a fighter—not a potential mate.

Yet he’d pressed her against the wall and kissed her like he’d meant it, like he wanted something more than a mere kiss. Though that had been no mere kiss. That had been…everything.

She’d always known when Finn wanted something he’d go for it all—as if he couldn’t help putting everything into it, putting his whole body, his wolf, his tongue. She’d heard enough stories from women who’d been in his bed. While she hadn’t clawed their eyes out for daring to touch what should have been hers, she’d listened to their tales of his prowess. Finn wasn’t a gentle lover, but he was a caring one. He f*cked like he had a purpose, and made sure every woman in his bed got off until she couldn’t walk away easily. Because it was Finn who always did the walking away—apparently, on the hunt for a mate.

Too bad he’d missed what was right in front of him on that search.

From the way he’d kissed just then though, she had a feeling he’d been holding back from those women. Sure, he hadn’t been gentle, hadn’t been easy, but there was something more in the way he’d pressed her hard against the wall. She knew she’d have bruises from his hold, from the brick at her back, and she relished it. She wanted to have his mark at her hips, at her neck. She wanted to show the world that Finn had her, and then she’d mark him as well to show those women that she had him.

Only that wouldn’t happen.

A sob caught in her throat and she forced a growl to cover it up. From the look in Finn’s eyes, she hadn’t covered it up well enough.

Damn it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Fate and mating weren’t supposed to be this difficult. Of course, she knew that was a crock considering how her friends and her brother had mated. Nothing that truly mattered was ever easy, but damn it, none of them had ever had this…this pain…this lack of anything tangible.

“Why?” she repeated, forcing her heart to slow. Thankfully, her voice didn’t crack, and she held the tears at bay.

“Because I wanted to. I needed to. I thought you were of the same mind.” Finn genuinely looked confused. Even with his chest heaving as if he needed to catch his breath, he looked so damn sexy.

He shouldn’t. She should hate him for making her feel like she was nothing, for making her think that she had a future filled with the pain of seeing him every day and not being able to have him.

“You know nothing.” She swallowed hard. “You kissed me because you wanted to? Or because you were bored? Because you’ve never done anything like that before, and we’ve been together, alone, countless times in the past.”

And every single time they had, she’d been reduced to a twisty and tattered version of herself. For that, she would hate him for eternity if she could. She’d spent her life trying to figure out how to become the person she needed to be for her Pack. She never wanted to go back to the heaping mess of a wolf she’d been at the hands of her father. Her brothers and cousins might have told her that she’d been strong under his care, but she didn’t believe them. Not when she’d cried more often than not. She might have done her best to keep the tears in and hide any that escaped so the others—and her—wouldn’t be hurt even more, but it had never been enough.

The man in front of her had slowly chipped away at the woman she’d become, and she would never forgive him for that. Her mind needed to be on the task at hand and not at what could have been or even what was. The future of her Pack, of every Pack out there, rested on her shoulders. She couldn’t falter because her wolf wanted a wolf that didn’t know what to do with her.

“I wasn’t bored,” Finn growled. “Fuck that. I’ve scented your arousal every time I’m near. Don’t tell me you couldn’t tell I’ve been hard as f*ck when I’m close to you.”

She sucked in a breath, her face heating. Damn it. She wasn’t a blushing virgin, but Finn brought out the worst in her. She knew she’d been turned on in his presence, but she’d done her best to hide it. No one else had been able to tell, that much she was sure of, so why the hell could he sense it? And no, she hadn’t noticed his hard-ons. In fact, she’d done her best to keep her line of sight away from his dick. One look and she’d be a goner. Considering she’d felt the bulge against her belly when he’d pressed her into the wall, she’d have probably fallen to her knees in praise if she’d ever dared to look.

Damn Finn Jamenson and his dick.

“Fuck you, Finn. I might have been turned on, but for all you know, it’s because I was thinking about the man I had in my bed the night before. Don’t be so self-centered and think it’s all for you.” Lies, but damn it, if he hadn’t acknowledged the need for a potential mate, then she wasn’t going to let him get any closer than he was. There was no way she’d be able to breathe if she did.

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “You had a man in your bed last night and yet you wrapped your leg around my thigh today?”

She snarled. “What if I did? It’s not like you’re a saint. I’m not mated.” Pain. Shatter. Agony. “I can do whatever the f*ck I want. Get off it, Finn. It’s never happening again.”