Always a Maiden (The Belles of Beak Street #5)(59)

“You said that you’d make me beg you to ruin me.” Her eyes were wide and glittered in the light. “I could not bear the idea of Lord Farringate…touching me…”

In spite of everything, he’d closed the distance between them. The last time they’d been together she’d thrown her arms around his neck. He didn’t realize how much he wanted that until she didn’t do it. But she had wanted something from him too. Not his proposal, but the pleasure and passion he’d implied all along that he would show to her.

He’d tried being circumspect and a gentleman, but she’d wanted a rogue. Hell, he was done with resisting. Done with paying homage to her innocence. He was done denying the urges that had begun the minute he put his hand through the tear in her dress and touched her stays.

He ran his hands up her arms. Her flinch kept him from jerking her to him. He still had questions, but he wanted her too much to turn away.

The fates must be laughing up their sleeves at him. He’d spent years treating women as objects of his desire with no meaning or promises beyond momentary pleasure in his seductions. It was perhaps only fair that Susanah only wanted him for sex. She didn’t want to bear his name or live by his side.

“I know you don’t want me”—her breath shuddered out—“the way you want other women.”

“True.” He didn’t want her the way he’d wanted women in his past. He wanted her to be his wife. He wanted all of her. He wanted to make love to her in every sense of the word. Even so, if it was too late, he didn’t want to know. He wanted to pretend that this night meant so much more. That it could be a beginning. He couldn’t risk asking questions when the answers might break his heart.

But he wanted her too much to turn her away.



*

Susanah was appalled that he’d admitted he didn’t desire her as he desired other women. It made her feel shredded into tiny bits. She should have asked him if he was still willing to marry her. Or if he would marry her without knowing if she would still be an heiress once her parents learned of what she’d done. But he’d taken so long to come to her room that she’d given up and donned her nightgown and went to bed. She suspected she knew the answer to her questions, but to hear it out loud would be unbearable.

“Susanah,” he murmured into her hair. He pulled her against him. His body was so warm and familiar. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman in my life.”

She didn’t believe him. After all, he’d looked at Annabelle in a frank and appraising way just hours ago. It had been enough prurient interest that Ashton had stepped closer to his wife. Evan had flirted outrageously with his dance partner at Almack’s. But Susanah didn’t want to quibble. It was the kind of thing he probably said when seducing a woman.

“Are you certain this is what you want?” he asked softly.

She nodded. It was only a small part of what she wanted. But she wanted him in a huge way. Her knees were wobbling, and she was shaking. Fear and need tumbled around in her and made her feel more alive than she knew what to do with. Maybe she would find the courage to press for more in the night. If they were to be intimate, perhaps it would be easier to ask the questions or to confess her hopes.

“Say it, darling. I need to hear you say it,” he said tightly.

“Yes, I want you to ruin me.” Such simple words that barely scratched the surface of her bone-deep need.

He bent and scooped her up as if she were no more substantial than a child. A jolt of surprise and something more titillating whooshed through her. Then he strode toward the bedchamber. The only thing she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and hold on.

Reaching the edge of the rumpled bed, he gently eased her down. “I need you more than I need air to breathe,” he said.

The whispered words made her ache because she so wanted them to be true, but she knew they weren’t. She didn’t inspire that sort of passion in anyone. But while they were what she wanted to hear, the words cut deeply. She pressed her fingers against his lips. “Don’t talk.”

“Susanah,” he protested, pulling her hand down, then brushing his lips against hers in a soft gentle kiss. It was like the joys of heaven and the temptations of hell all rolled into one. He stroked her hair back and studied her with an intensity that made her falter.

She felt so raw and exposed. Could he see how much she’d hoped for him to say he’d marry her, he’d take care of her, and he’d love her until the end of time?

“Don’t ask me not to speak.”

“Just tell me what I need to do to…to…please you.” Her face fired and she had to look away before she blurted out that she loved him.

Evan gave a low frustrated growl. “Darling, the way to please me is by allowing yourself to be pleased.”

She didn’t know what that meant.

But he’d stood up while she remained on the bed. She had a horrid moment of fearing he would leave. She reached out for him.

He tossed off his jacket and his cravat. Those items and his waistcoat landed in a heap on the floor. He unbuttoned the falls of his evening breeches and then they fell to the floor. She couldn’t help her gasp as she realized what this meant.

He paused giving her a questioning look.

He was staying. He would finally show her the keys to passion. A shudder rolled over her and her mouth went dry. Trying to pretend that she was ready, she scooted to make room for him beside her.