Always Have: A Bad Boy Romance(65)
But the things in his life that made him who he is when the story begins fit perfectly with the story I was envisioning. It’s all about Kylie. He’s never loved anyone else, and no one else will ever compare. But hell, he’s a guy, and from a young age he had girls falling all over him. So he’d try one out—take her out, sleep with her, whatever. She wasn’t Kylie. So he’d move on. After that kept happening, people in his life saw him a certain way. Oh sure, that’s just Braxton. He’s such a player. He loves hot women, but nothing lasts.
He lives that way for a long time, wearing the mask. Being the guy he thinks “his girls” need him to be. The man underneath was who really got to me as I was writing Braxton. He is fun and a little cocky. But he was also deeply wounded when his parents died, and he’s spent his entire life hiding that part of himself. He shows his true self to Kylie in bits and pieces—tiny glimpses she’s not sure how to interpret. There’s a depth to him that she doesn’t expect, and it disarms her every time. He wants to let her in so badly, and we see him try a little here and there.
Kylie’s loved Braxton for as long as he’s loved her, but she keeps that buried deep inside, not even acknowledging it to herself. It feels too dangerous to her, and who can blame her? She’s seen him go through a lot of women, and she assumes that’s just how he is.
In a lot of ways, Brax and Ky are already halfway to being a couple at the beginning of the book. They know all those little things about each other that couples would know. They have a comfort level with each other that is the result of years of friendship, and it skirts the very edge of something more. Ordering for each other at restaurants. Sharing food off each other’s plates. Passing a cup of coffee back and forth without even thinking about it. I added moments like that very much on purpose. The characters don’t think much of it, so as a reader, it might not have stuck out. Kylie doesn’t protest when Braxton takes her coffee out of her hand and drinks it, for example. He hands it back and she drinks some, because it’s something they would do all the time. Tiny moments like that were designed to show that they’re so comfortable with each other, they do things that usually only romantic couples will do.
No wonder their dates never feel comfortable with their friendship…
Kylie wants something real. She feels like she’s outgrowing her let’s party life and wants to be with someone who has potential for a future. She has a good relationship with her father, and he taught her a lot about how she should be treated, simply by example. But she still has a hole left by her mother. She feels hurt and abandoned, and what she wants more than anything is the security of being loved. Despite what happened between her parents, she doesn’t question the idea of love. She just doesn’t see it right in front of her, in the form of her best friend.
This book, for me, was about highs and lows. Writing it was very much a roller coaster. The highs are pretty high. Braxton is desperately in love with her, and I was rooting for him to be with her from the beginning. Kylie’s self-revelation that she’s in love with him only made my desire to bring them together stronger. And when they do finally take that step—when Braxton’s greatest wish becomes reality—OMG, the high. He’s so happy. She’s so happy. It’s all so good and wonderful and did you maybe want to stop reading right about there?
The first time I had to take a break and breathe through my emotions as I wrote was when Brax lied to Selene about being with Kylie. I literally got up and paced around the room a few times, thinking, “Damn it Brax. Don’t do it. This is going to be so baaaaad later.” (And yes, I realize it’s weird that I do things like that. I’m the one writing it, and it all only exists in my head at that point. Whatever. I’m okay with it.)
And when it came time to write the big crisis—the moment when Braxton breaks up with Kylie? Fucking hell, it was hard to write. I didn’t want it to happen.
But that’s what I mean about highs and lows. The highs made the lows harder, but ultimately it made the ending more satisfying.
I love this book, probably a little too much. It will always be special to me and I’m really glad I took the time to write it (it was literally the book I wasn’t supposed to be writing for a while – it was not actually on my writing schedule, but like I said, sometimes the book demands it!). I hope you enjoyed it too!
You’ll see a little more of Brax and Ky in an upcoming novel (releasing November 2016) entitled ALWAYS WILL. Obviously I had to write about Selene. Can she find love? I guess we’ll find out…
Thanks for reading!
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About the Author
Claire Kingsley writes smart, sexy romances. She's in love with love, and finds inspiration in the stories of broken people who find love and healing together—with a generous dose of steam.
She can't imagine life without coffee, her Kindle, and the sexy heroes who inhabit her imagination. She's living out her own happily ever after in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and three kids.