Always Have: A Bad Boy Romance(56)

“Yeah, she was with me,” I say. Now that I’ve admitted the truth, I can’t seem to stop. “It was everything, Selene. She was everything. I’ve loved her for as long as I can remember, and I finally had her. She was mine, and we were so good together. I wanted to tell you. I was such an idiot for lying. We wanted to wait until the time was right, because we knew you’d be upset. But the right time never seemed to come, and I kept lying. Fuck, that was a stupid thing to do. I’m sorry we lied to you. I should have told you from the beginning.”

“Wait.” She leans away from me. “You’re saying you guys were actually together. Like, in a relationship, together?”

“Yeah.”

“Not just sleeping together?”

“Yes.” I sit back and lean my head against the cushions. “It was so much more than that.”

“But you guys broke up?” she asks. “I’m so confused.”

My head f*cking hurts. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I promised you.”

“Promised me?” Selene asks. She gasps, putting a hand to her mouth. “Oh my god. When I talked to you that day, you were already with her … and you thought you had to break up with her for me?”

I don’t understand why she sounds so panicked. It’s not like she’s the one who got her heart smashed to pieces. “What the f*ck was I supposed to do?” I ask. “You made it clear that you couldn’t live with Kylie and I being together. You’re my sister. How was I supposed to choose between you?”

Selene puts her hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Brax. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I never would have said that if I knew.”

I stare at her. “What the f*ck are you talking about?”

“I was always afraid you’d hook up with Kylie, like all those other girls,” she says. “You’d have sex a few times, and get bored or whatever it is you do. She wouldn’t be able to go on being friends with you after that. What was I supposed to think? You don’t exactly have a history of commitment.”

I look away, my gut churning. I thought I was getting better, but this conversation is making me feel worse all over again. “Look, you don’t want us together, that’s fine. I’ll do what I have to do. And Kylie will come around. She’ll get over me, and the two of you will be good again. I’ll stay out of the way so you can still be her friend.” I stand up and go to the kitchen. My glass isn’t empty, but I want more anyway.

“No,” she says.

“No?” I ask. “What more do you want from me, Selene? I gave up everything for you.”

Tears leak out of the corners of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” I ask.

“This is my fault,” she says.

“No, it isn’t.”

She sniffs. “Okay, it’s mostly your fault, because you lied. But it’s a little bit my fault. I didn’t want to hurt you like this. Do you really think I’m that selfish? That I’d make you leave her?”

I put my glass down on the counter. “It’s not about being selfish. Kylie is important to you. You needed things to stay the same. Of course, I screwed that up, too. I never should have told Kylie I loved her. I should have just kept pretending I didn’t.”

“You really love her?” Selene asks.

“Yeah, I do, Selene. I always have. But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Of course it matters. Braxton, what are we talking about here? Love? Like, the real kind?”

“Yes, the real kind.” I don’t want to talk about this.

“The forever kind?” she asks.

“I would have loved her forever. I would have married her.”

Selene’s mouth drops open. “What did you just say?”

I take a big gulp of Scotch. Holy shit, I just said it, didn’t I? I’ve never said it out loud. But I mean it. I put the glass down. “I would have married her, Selene. In a heartbeat.”

“This is huge.” Selene slowly stands up from the couch. “This is the biggest thing that’s ever happened to us.”

I shake my head. “No, it isn’t, because no one is marrying anyone. I broke her heart, remember? I did exactly what I promised her I wouldn’t do.”

“So?”

“So, she hates me,” I say. “She told me she never wants to see me again. And trust me, she meant it.”

“What are you going to do?” she asks.

“Do? I’m going to drink Scotch until I’m numb. I’m going to stay as shit-faced as possible until I have to go back to work, and then I’m going to try to survive this. Even though I don’t particularly want to.”

“You aren’t going to fight for her?” she asks.

“There’s nothing left to fight for,” I say. “I broke us both.”

“Then put the two of you back together,” Selene says. She walks over to the other side of the counter. “We need a plan.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” she says. “And you aren’t getting drunk either. We’re going to get Kylie back.”

“We?”

“Yes, we,” she says. “You did this because of me, and she won’t see me either, so we both have apologies to make. But we are going to fix this, Braxton.”