Alterant (Belador #2)(30)

“Of course not.”

“Then why have you not ordered the only O’Meary descendant to go through a mind probe?”

Brina tried to form words to answer the ridiculous question. “Because we have no reason to doubt young Conlan O’Meary’s loyalty just because his da was rotten to the core.”

“Then there should be no issue with having Vladimir Quinn probe all areas of Conlan’s mind, right?”

How could this woman suspect the O’Meary boy? But Brina knew which battles to fight, and this was not one. Macha clearly wanted Conlan investigated. “I shall see it done.”

“That sounds more like a Treoir leader.”

Brina heard the warning and realized she had to prove to Macha she would always put the future of the Beladors first, even ahead of her own happiness. To prove she thought as a leader, Brina said, “I believe the humans suddenly turning into beasts and killing are not the same as our green-eyed Alterants.”

“Why?”

“Because neither Tristan nor Evalle shifted and killed humans.” Brina risked bringing up a sore topic. She’d argued against imprisoning Tristan the first time, but the goddess had implied she’d been doing it for his safety. Then Macha had forbidden Brina from speaking about his capture to anyone.

Waving a hand as if to quash the discussion, Macha said, “Only time will tell with the green-eyed ones, but we must find out why these new beasts are surfacing all of a sudden. Instead of searching harder for the traitor who presents a weakness in your defense, Tzader worries too much over Evalle Kincaid. Which gets us back to the problem at hand.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.” Because following Macha’s train of thought was akin to tracing the journey of a raindrop in a bowl of water.

“Tzader’s a man with needs,” Macha told her as if Brina needed to hear that. “You think he’s been celibate all this time?”

Brina forced her hands to remain still and not cover her ears against words that gouged her heart. Had Tzader taken another woman in the past four years? The night she’d given her virginity to him he’d sworn his love for all time.

Their fathers had died before Tzader had been given a chance to ask for her hand in marriage.

Brina shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Me? I never accused him of anything. I’m only infusing logic into this discussion. So you would force Tzader to go on for years with no one to love if you can’t have him. You think love is so selfish?”

Put that way, Brina flinched at the possibility that she was being unfair to him, but . . . she knew the truth in her heart. “Tzader would never walk away from me.”

“No, he won’t as long as you continue to encourage him. He’s a man of honor. Where is your honor? Don’t you care about his happiness?”

“Of course I do.”

“But not enough to free him to choose another?” Macha shot back at her.

“I—” Brina swallowed, trying not to choke on the words honor forced to her tongue. “I would do anything for him . . . even set him free if that was what he wanted.”

“Then prove it by allowing him the chance to decide without the guilt of hurting you. You’re the one who brought up the issue of an heir. Were your motives pure and in the best interest of the Beladors, or only for yourself?”

Who would have thought that immortals got headaches? Brina did, and the one coming on felt as though it might lay waste to her brain.

She lifted her fingers to her temples and rubbed. Of course she wanted to ensure the future of the Beladors, but give up Tzader? Her stomach ached as if two brute hands twisted the muscles. Was Macha right? Would Tzader move on with his life if he thought that was my wish? Could I speak the words over the shouting of my heart—the words that would free him to choose?

Guilt splashed her anger with cold reality.

Her da and brothers had died defending the Belador legacy and future. Could she not be as selfless with less whining?

She’d accepted her responsibility many years ago.

But she’d always thought the children she bore would have Tzader’s brown eyes and heartbreaking smile.

Not to be ignored, Macha interrupted Brina’s thoughts with soft words of advice. “We face a growing crisis with these Alterants and leave the future of our tribe in jeopardy with each day you delay producing an heir. I am not without compassion for your situation and have a proposal.”

Brina listened with a guarded ear, but she would make any concession for the possibility of having Tzader. “I’m listening.”

“Convince Tzader you are no longer interested in waiting for him. Give him a chance to decide his future without any burden of guilt. If, once he truly believes marriage to you is no longer an option, I am convinced he still persists in wanting you, I would be inclined to reconsider my position on this matter and entertain possible solutions.”

“Really?” Brina hesitated to believe Macha’s words so easily. The goddess wouldn’t blatantly lie to her, but she could turn words into a thousand different shapes and meanings.

“Do you question me?” The goddess stilled.

The fire beneath Macha blazed and grew in fullness.

“No, Goddess,” Brina quickly amended. “I was merely surprised . . . and overwhelmed.” Could she break up with Tzader and stand quietly by if he walked away and never came back to her? “But why can’t you simply ask him the truth?”