All the Lies We Tell (Quarry Road #1)(53)

The truth was, no matter what she and Ilya might want, no matter how hard—or not—each of them worked, the shop wasn’t making money. It wasn’t going to make money. It was always going to hover on the bare brink of bankruptcy, especially if Ilya, as he was certainly wont to do, intended to keep seeking out bigger and more extravagant items to sink into the quarry’s chilly, spring-fed depths so that the few people who did visit it for local dives could be entertained.

Maybe, she thought, it was time to let it go.

All of it.

And then what? For the first time in a couple of decades, she allowed herself to contemplate what she could do or where she could go. What did she even want? What had she ever wanted?

She didn’t know and really never had. Oh, in high school she’d thought here and there about being a teacher or a nurse or working in human resources, idle considerations based on the results of standardized career-placement tests. None of that appealed to her now.

She’d spent her life doing nothing because her sister had never had the chance to do anything, and the realization twitched her hand so hard she knocked Theresa’s envelope onto the floor.

“F-f-f-f-f,” Alicia muttered, biting off the curse before she could finish it. She picked up the scattered papers and shuffled them back together.

“Trying to keep yourself from putting money in the swear jar?”

She looked up at the sound of a familiar voice. Her heart leaped, catching in her throat at the sight of him; she thought it always would. A dozen more years could pass without seeing him, and she would still find it hard to breathe the first moment she saw him.

“You caught me. I’m trying to be more ladylike.”

Nikolai laughed. “Good luck with that.”

She tossed a crumpled piece of paper at him. “Bitch.”

“Jerk.” He grinned and ducked out of the way from another paper missile. He bent to pick up both bits of trash and tossed them in the can with his free hand. The other held a suspiciously delicious-smelling, grease-spotted paper sack. “So, what’s up?”

Alicia leaned back in her chair. “Why don’t you tell me? Since you’ve shown up unannounced again.”

He looked embarrassed. “I guess I could call or text first, huh?”

“You could. But no worries. I’m just trying to keep this place from falling down, that’s all. The usual. Your brother’s back to work, by the way.”

“Yeah, he was gone when I left this morning.”

She waited, but that was all he said. She hated having to drag out the words, like pulling a splinter from a wound. “Nikolai.”

“So, I feel like an *.” Nikolai held up the bag. “I brought doughnuts from the Donut Shack.”

“Far be it from me to turn down a doughnut,” Alicia said, but made no move to take the bag, or motion for him to take a seat. “But I’m kind of over the whole doughnut thing.”

He got her. Always had. His gaze flashed. He held the bag up higher, but his voice dipped lower.

“Yeah? You sure? They’re really . . . really good.” He let the tip of his tongue dent his bottom lip for a second.

She was absolutely not going to fall for that bullshit. No way. Alicia lifted her chin, gaze steady on his, not giving away even the tiniest hint that she’d just imagined that tongue someplace else.

“Oh, I’m sure they’re delicious. I’m sure that even a day or so ago you might’ve convinced me to gobble up the entire bag.” She paused to narrow her eyes but couldn’t stop the corners of her mouth tilting into a small, tight, and humorless smile. “But like I said. I’m over it.”

Nikolai opened the bag and peeked inside, then at her. “Mmmm. Just one? Just a taste?”

“Nah,” Alicia said coolly and leaned back in her chair to prop her feet on the desk. “I’m not hungry.”

His face fell. He closed the bag and set it on the edge of the desk. The good bakery smell was enough to make her stomach rumble, but she pretended she hadn’t heard it. Nikolai obviously had, though, because his crestfallen expression turned sly.

“Sure I can’t convince you?” he asked. “Just one little bite?”

Alicia tilted her head to make sure he saw how she was looking him up and down. Then, she shrugged. Without taking her gaze from his, she said, “Too many sweets make my stomach hurt.”

“Allie.”

“You know, I prefer to be called Alicia,” she answered in a clipped tone. She set her feet on the floor with a thump and turned toward her computer, putting her hands on the keyboard not only to wake the monitor from sleeping but also to hide the fact that her hands were shaking.

“Alicia,” Nikolai said in a low tone full of apology and longing.

She didn’t turn. She let her fingers hover over the keyboard, though the truth was she couldn’t focus on the screen in front of her. She gave up after a second, folding her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers together. She didn’t answer him. He said her name again. Rougher. Raspier.

At last, Alicia twirled in her chair to face him, but that wasn’t enough, so she got to her feet to walk to the side of the desk. She took the bag of doughnuts and thrust it at him, forcing him to take it. Making him back up a step toward the door.

“Don’t bring me something you’re not ready for me to eat,” she told him. “Don’t do that to me again.”