Alight (The Generations Trilogy #2)(79)

I walk down the ramp and stand next to him.

“Good evening, Bishop.”

He’s staring out toward the Observatory.

“They should be back,” he says. “They should have been back an hour ago.”

His voice is heavy with dread. The emotion is contagious. I was so busy watching Bello, trying to find the truth, that I forgot a trip to the Observatory is much faster on spiderback than on foot. Coyotl, Muller and Beckett should have already returned.

A cold feeling thrums in my belly and chest. I missed something, but what? My brain is trying to make a connection—not the muddy sensation of recalling Matilda’s memories, this is something else. I missed something new, something that has nothing to do with my creator’s life.

“Go after them,” I say. “Take a spider, with Bawden and as many kids as you want.”

He starts up the ramp. “And if they aren’t at Bello’s ship, how long should I spend searching for them?”

With Bishop and Bawden gone, Farrar will be the only older circle-star we have left—just Farrar and twelve-year-olds to defend the shuttle. That’s not enough. I think of when we ran out of the Garden and abandoned Bello. It was a hard choice, and I hated myself for it, but it was the right choice.

“If they aren’t there, then come back without them,” I say. “As fast as you can.”

He runs into the shuttle. I stand where he stood, looking out toward the Observatory. Please, let them be all right.



Moments later, Bishop runs down the ramp, Bawden and two young circle-stars behind him. Only Bawden carries a musket. Muller had one as well, which means Bishop is leaving three muskets here.

In seconds, the four of them are mounted and on their way. I watch the spider scurry over the vine ring, then sprint down the darkening streets. Out ahead of them, no sign of Coyotl and the others.

There’s something about Bello’s ship I missed, but what? I can’t put my finger on it. She’s a Grownup, I know it. It’s time to lock her up. Just because I won’t act like Matilda doesn’t mean I can’t do something—time to stop being so nice.

Pounding steps on the ramp behind me. O’Malley, in a panic.

“Em! Get in here! Aramovsky is calling for a new vote!”

I turn my back for one moment, and he does this? I’m almost glad, because he’s moved too soon—many follow him, but not enough. He should have waited until hunger swayed more people his way.

I stride up the ramp and into the coffin room. Aramovsky is talking, turning, his arms outstretched, doing what he does so well. But he will lose this vote, then I will use that victory to block him from making another. He’s finally made a mistake.

And then I see Bello—she’s standing right next to him, whispering when he pauses. She notices me, stares at me, a cold hardness in her eyes. No tears this time. She smiles, sending a chill through me.

Aramovsky steps onto a closed coffin. He spreads his arms, and his voice booms.

“Someone has to speak out loud what all of us are thinking,” he says. “Do we need new leadership? The majority of us—the people from Deck Four—never got a chance to vote at all. It’s time to fix that.”



He locks eyes with me.

“It’s not that Em didn’t do her best,” he says. “But perhaps the job of leader is too much for a circle, too much for an empty, too much”—the corners of his mouth turn up in a grin of victory—“for a slave.”

The word hangs in the air, pressing down, pushing at locked memories. I see hundreds of faces go blank. I see eyes widen and heads nod. For everyone, even the kids, the mention of that word opens up flashfires—they know.

Gradually, all eyes turn to me.

The things I’ve done right, they suddenly don’t matter. My leadership, keeping the group together, getting us off the Xolotl, learning the mysteries of Omeyocan, making contact with the Springers…none of it matters.

In an instant, with a single word, they see me as something different than I was. They see me as less.

I have to stop this, right now.

“I’m not a slave,” I say. “None of us are. Just because the ring on my head says I’m Service, or the double-circle says Aramovsky is Spirit or the half-circle means O’Malley is Structure doesn’t mean we have to be those things. We make our own choices!”

I look to O’Malley for support, hoping he will back me up, but he just stares at me, openmouthed, like I said something wrong—something horribly wrong.

“Spirit,” Aramovsky says. “Structure…Service. I just now remembered what the symbols mean, but you…you already knew.”

Bello’s little grin. She told him. She knows the symbols’ meanings because she’s a Grownup. She told him what to say.

Nearly three hundred people are staring at me. A hundred different lies jump to my brain, but none of them make it to my tongue. There is a brief moment where I can say something, deny that I didn’t keep information from my people, and then that moment is gone.



I am convicted by my own silence.

The eyes glare at me now. Even Spingate’s, her expression somewhere between betrayal and outrage. Not telling me the truth is the same as lying to me, I said to her.

I’m guilty of the same thing.