Aleksey's Kingdom (A Royal Affair #2)(10)
Aleksey shook me one more time. He looked as if he wanted to hit me, and I winced slightly in expectation of this. “Why did you do that? You stupid fool, Niko!”
I think my jaw dropped in outrage, and he smirked. I snapped my mouth shut, annoyed at being teased, given I was in pain, confused, stunned, and heartbroken. He dabbed at my wound until I held his hand off and climbed unsteadily to my feet. I leaned against the tree for a moment and felt his arms come around me, his lips to my neck. “Tell me what is wrong. For I thought I had murdered you. And that would have upset me no end. I would take days to get over killing you so.”
“Would you?”
“Well, a couple of days. I am not hard-hearted.”
“But you are a liar, aren’t you? You have deceived me.” I turned in his arms and held him off.
“What do you—”
“Don’t. It’s beneath you.”
He held his head. And in that one moment I saw all my folly. I had only been playing with the thought of his betrayal. I had not really believed it. If I had, I would not have carried on a normal day—brought him to see the bears, brought my new bow. If I had truly believed he had betrayed me, there would be no familiar days again. For either of us.
The realization hit me like a blow, and I staggered, more wounded than I had been from the fall or the blow to my head. He looked up, startled, and caught me, his eyes wide with fear. “God, what is wrong? You are entirely white! Sit down!”
I collapsed more than sat, my heart beating so rapidly I was surprised I could not see it moving the fabric of my shirt. “You have lied to me!”
He nodded sadly, kneeling alongside me. “I’m sorry, Niko. I didn’t mean it. Truly I didn’t. But the temptation was too strong. I couldn’t resist! How could I? I mean… given what you are.”
Oh God, he killed me, and then he stabbed me again to hurt more. “What I am? Am I that terrible?” I had imagined him tempted by the irresistible—not running from something repulsive. The first, I could forgive, understand—after all, had I not already reasoned he was only at the beginning of this journey and had all such temptation ahead of him?—but to tell me he found me abhorrent and was running from me… that was too awful to hear.
He moved to sitting cross-legged and put his hand on my thigh. “You know you are, Nikolai. I just could not resist. Do you see?”
I looked off into the distance at the darkness of the forest. “Do you think I will just acquiesce? Do you understand me so little after all we have been to each other?”
He lowered his eyes. “Well, I expected some grumpiness and complaining, but then you are grumpy about everything and complain about everything. But I knew I’d be able to talk you round. I did not expect you to throw yourself off your horse and injure yourself for sympathy, however.”
I creased my brows in disbelief, which made my scalp bleed again. “You think this is funny? You joke about this?”
“Well, you are a little bit comical, yes. I wish I could get to the water. Your face is awful now. They may be there when we return, and though I want them to be terrified and in awe of you, I do not want them to run screaming! Although that would be very amusing to watch.”
I thought the blow to my head had done more damage than I’d realized. I could make no sense of this at all. He was leaving me. That was all I could focus on. I grabbed his arm before he could rise. “He is coming here? To fetch you? From me?”
“Huh? Well, yes, I was going to tell you. But you have been bad-tempered with me all day, and so you made me feel guiltier than I already was for agreeing to this without telling you, so I did not tell you. If you see what I mean.”
I did not. “Aleksey. You are leaving me for someone you met in the colony, and he is coming here, to our cabin, to take you from me? Is that what you are telling me? Because if it is, I will kill you both—and I will not do it quickly.”
His eyes widened, and he was silent for a long time, thinking back, I assumed, over everything we had said and done that day. Finally he ventured, “I think we have been talking at cross-purposes.” Then he flared into anger, just as quick a mood change as I remember from Hesse-Davia. “You thought I would leave you?” He punched my arm, then did it again, harder. “You thought I betrayed you! You don’t trust me! My God, you don’t trust me!” Then his face crumpled, and he stood abruptly and gathered up the horses’ reins.
Suddenly he came back and aimed a kick at me, which I thought was a little unfair, as I was injured and not as quick as I usually was to dodge his fury. I winced as his boot caught my unprotected thigh but snagged his ankle and twisted him to the ground, then lay over him, one sure way that, being much heavier than he, I could keep him trapped. “You agreed you’d lied to me, Aleksey! This is not all in my mind!”
“Oh, whore’s breath, Nikolai. Get off me! I lied about the party we are putting together to go to the falls. Get off me! I have already agreed we would both join them—but I am not going anywhere with you now, because I do not like you. Get off me!” I rolled to one side but kept hold of his arm, despite his very real desire to be away from me. I couldn’t entirely blame him for wanting this.
“You have volunteered us for this rescue party. That is it? That is what has made you guilty and silent and to get out your jewels and play with them.” I frowned. “That sounded more wanton than I intended.”