Adored (Masters and Mercenaries #8.5)(12)

His hands were fists at his sides. “I’ve been fighting to avoid this for six months, Laurel. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this. God, am I ever going to grow the f*ck up?”

Tears pricked her eyes and she tried to smooth out her skirt. It was a mess. She was a mess. She could still feel him inside her. Her mind was complete chaos, but her heart was a nasty, aching mess. How could he not have felt what she felt?

“I’m going home.”

He finally turned to her, but he wouldn’t look her in the eyes. “Yes, I think that’s a good idea. We can forget this ever happened. We can go back to the way it was.”

Go back to the way it was? Hardly. But she’d learned where arguing with him got her. It got her screwed. What he didn’t realize was that she argued and fought with him because she cared about him, wanted the best for him.

Now she wanted to curl into a ball and cry because she’d been wrong. She’d thought if she could get him to make love to her, everything would fall into place.

Stupid. She’d been so stupid.

And she might pay the price. She tried to remember when her last period was.

“Laurel?”

She couldn’t look at him. They hadn’t even taken off their clothes. She’d thought at the time it was because they’d been too much in the moment, but now she knew he’d never had plans to slow down. She’d been a quick lay for him, a way to burn off the tension of the day.

He’d warned her. He’d told her he wasn’t good enough for her. She could see now all the times he’d practically begged her to leave well enough alone. He’d told her he was too old for her, too damaged, and she hadn’t listened. Even tonight he’d given her shot after shot of leaving well enough alone, but she had to poke the beast.

She’d learned her lesson.

“I’m fine, Mitch. I just want to get home and take a shower.” Her voice sounded hollow even to her own ears. Devoid of emotion, which was a complete joke because she was weeping inside.

Please hold it together. Don’t let him see you cry. Don’t. Don’t make a bigger fool of yourself than you already have.

“Laurel, I didn’t use anything.”

She was not having this conversation with him. “It’s fine. It’s not a problem.”

For the first time she heard some relief in his voice. “Good. That’s good. The last thing we need…”

She was out the door before he could finish that sentence. Yes, she’d been an idiot. There wasn’t some soft Mitchell Bradford waiting under the surface. All of that had been spent on his two ex-wives, and all that was left for Laurel was a man who meant it when he said he didn’t want another commitment, didn’t want to even try to love her.

Or maybe he simply couldn’t. He sure as hell had never lied to her about wanting marriage and kids. He’d been plain about that. He’d never lied.

She’d lied to herself.

She grabbed her purse and her computer bag. “I’m going to take tomorrow off.”

He was standing in his doorway, his shirt untucked and his eyes grave. “All right.”

“I’ll call and cancel the glass on my way home.”

“Why? I thought it would stop the natural light or something.”

She shook her head. “It’s your office. You’re the boss. I’ll cancel it and you do what you like.”

“Laurel, why don’t we have a drink? I’ve got some Scotch. We f*cked up. We should talk about it. Please, I’ll let you handle the glass and stuff. You’re better at that than I am. Come and sit with me and we’ll talk about it.”

He sounded so lost, like a little boy who didn’t know what he wanted but he knew he didn’t want to be alone.

She forced herself to turn away. “No. I need to go.”

He followed her out the door and down the stairs. She didn’t argue. He’d always walked her to her car. He wasn’t going to change. Mitchell Bradford didn’t change and it would do her well to remember that one rule of the universe.

She waited for him to shut off the alarm and then stepped out and into the parking lot. Her Honda was sitting next to his massive SUV. Even his car could rip hers apart.

“Laurel?”

She unlocked her car and turned to see him standing in front of the building. “What do you want, Mitchell?”

It was the question she should have asked before. She’d gone into her whole relationship with him asking what she wanted and having one answer—him. She’d never asked him what he wanted for the simple fact that she knew. He didn’t want her.

He stared at her. “I’m so sorry, Laurel.”

She nodded and got into her car. When she looked in the rearview mirror, he was still standing there.

She drove off, determined to never make the same mistake again.





Chapter Three



Two weeks later Mitch stared at her through the big bay windows of The Legal Defense Aid office. Laurel was talking to some kid, probably right out of law school. He was tall and lanky, with a handsome face and stylish clothes. He probably didn’t wear the same white shirt and black slacks day in and day out. Laurel smiled at him, her face vibrant. And then she turned to her sisters, obviously introducing them to the man. Lisa smiled and gave Laurel a wink that let Mitch know she liked the new guy.