Acts of Desperation(59)

I tried to stop by a couple of days a week to see how Sarah was doing. We met in the lounge down from Anders’s room. I’d bring her some food, and we’d talk while she picked away at whatever I brought. It seemed that as each day past, and as his death drew nearer, Sarah became more and more distant. Her behavior was odd. She never kept things from me, but now I felt she was. I didn’t know what it could be and I couldn’t understand it.

Here was this guy who’d destroyed her life as she’d known it; he lied, he cheated, and he stole things from her emotionally that I wasn’t sure she’d ever recover, but now that he was dying, she was firmly planted at his side. I tried not to judge because I’d never walked in her shoes, but it was strange to me. Nevertheless, I was going to support her through the process for as long as it took because inevitably it was going to end.

One day when I’d finished with court earlier than anticipated, I decided to pop in to see Sarah and deliver her some lunch. She’d progressively lost weight since the beginning of the divorce, but over the last couple of weeks, she’d noticeably slimmed down even more. I thought it was stress getting to her, and my parents confirmed she was worrying a lot. They thought she was going to be fine, but something in my gut told me she wasn’t. The person I sat and ate with wasn’t Sarah; it was someone walking around in her shell. I needed to sit down and make her talk to me to find out what was really going on.

When I pulled into the lot outside of the hospice facility, I saw a car just like our firm’s parked out front. I sat with my window open, letting the warm breeze kiss my cheeks. I reminisced about my first ride in a car just like that and the moment when Jax put his hand on my thigh. Then our first kiss by the elevators after. My heart pounded in my chest just thinking about all of it. I stared blankly into space remembering, and as I closed my eyes, I couldn’t help but smile. Then it was as if he’d opened my car door and slid into the seat next to me. I almost felt him and could practically smell him in the air. Everything was so crisp in my mind that when I finally opened my eyes, I sighed at my reality. I missed him—really missed it. Maybe it was time for me to wave the white flag.

My phone rang. Dee called me with a problem that had developed with one of my cases. It took about a half an hour and numerous phone calls to iron out some wrinkles. At one point I was forced to roll up my windows and hit the A/C when sweat started pouring down my back. When I thought I had everything under control, I grabbed the subs I picked up on the way off the front seat and headed inside. I thought maybe after I left, I’d go and see Jax.

Inside the automatic doors, I was greeted by a chilled whoosh of air and the receptionist. It was too cold in there, and I got goose bumps. After saying hello, I took the walk down the pale yellow hallway and inhaled the sterile air while rubbing my arms. My silky floral print skirt and light pink sleeveless sweater wasn’t doing much to keep me warm. I should have grabbed my cardigan from the back seat before I came in.

My heels tapped against the shiny floor and echoed off the walls. They were decorated with various landscape scenes. I was sure they’d probably done all kinds of research on how to decorate a place such as this. The color yellow and landscape scenes must make people feel happy or something. But whatever their intent was with the decorations, it still felt cold and sad to me. People came here to die, and I wasn’t sure a paint color or a collection of pictures could spice that up.

As I rounded the corner, I was met with an unexpected familiar face.

“Fritz. What are you doing here?” I asked, smiling.

“Oh, hi Sember,” he said. “I was…I just brought Jax by to…deliver some papers.”

“You did?” I asked. “What papers?”

“You’ll have to ask him,” he said then glanced back over his shoulder.

“Is Jax back with my sister then?”

“Uh…yep. He should be finishing up and be along any minute. He actually asked me to get the car started. It’s a bit warm out there today and he likes the car to be cooled down when he gets in.”

I could understand that. I loved the heat, but getting into a car that felt like a sauna when wearing a suit was probably moderately close to torture for a man. They don’t get the variety in wardrobe choices that women have. “Oh…ok.” I smiled. “Don’t let me keep you then. It was good to see you.”

“You too,” he said. He smiled and nodded then continued down the hall. I walked past the lounge where Sarah and I normally sat, and when I didn’t see her, I walked up to Anders’s door. As I was reaching for the handle, the door opened, and I stared into the surprised faces of Sarah and Jax.

“Sember. What are you doing here?” Sarah asked.

“It’s nice to see you too. I got out of court early so I thought I’d bring you lunch. What are you doing here?” I asked Jax.

“We had something we needed to take care of. Here,” he said, stepping past me and avoiding eye contact. “I’ll let you two catch up.”

I stared at him as he went past and couldn’t hide my confusion. I turned back to look at Sarah and saw a deteriorating Anders looking over at us from his bed. Our eyes met briefly, and I saw him chuckle under his breath before turning his head to look out the window.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We should talk,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder then turned to speak to Anders. “I’ll be in the lounge. Be back in a bit.”