A World Without You(88)

Ryan jerks around, heading to the door that keeps Harold locked inside the book closet, but I grab him, spinning him toward the exit. “Let’s get out of here.”

Fortunately, I’m able to distract Ryan. I’m not sure what would happen if he made his way back to Harold, but I definitely don’t want to find out.

? ? ?

I’m walking ahead of Ryan while he raves like a lunatic, and without really meaning to, I lead him to Sofía’s old room. All I was thinking about was the need to calm Ryan down, to quell the rage swirling inside him like a hurricane, and to me, Sofía means peace.

Gwen is already inside the room, using a Zippo to burn another mark for Sofía’s absence. I count the black streaks in the flipped-over mattress, the number of days since Sofía’s been gone.

Since Sofía died.

If Gwen had powers, she wouldn’t need a Zippo. If I had powers, no one would need to count down the days since Sofía’s death, because they would all know I could alter time and bring her back. If Ryan had powers, Berkshire wouldn’t actually be closing.

But we are all powerless.

The truth sinks in me like a stone.

We are all powerless.

“What are you doing here?” Ryan sneers as soon as he sees Gwen. The sharp scent of the burnt mattress fills the room.

“What are you doing here?” Gwen throws the question right back at him, but there’s fear in her voice. She glances behind her, at the wall. Ryan’s in the doorway; I’m near the mattress. There’s no escape for her, and she knows it. She flicks the Zippo in her hand, the flame jumping up then dying with a click! of the flip-top.

“Get out,” I say not unkindly, moving aside so she can escape.

But Ryan doesn’t move. “I said, what are you doing here?” His voice is cold.

“I have a right to be here,” she says. “Go away.”

But he doesn’t move. Ryan just stands in the doorway, challenging Gwen to magically move through him.

I shift nervously. Ryan’s all spit and rage; he wants a fight. He wants to destroy—something, someone. I’ve never seen anyone look so dead inside. The only thing Ryan wants to do is spread the hate boiling inside him.

“Listen, man, so what if the Berk closes?” I say, trying to bring some level of logic to Ryan. “It’s not that big a deal. There are other schools.”

“This school is mine,” Ryan snarls. “And I won’t let them take it away from me.”

“Well, this room isn’t yours, so get out!” Gwen shouts at him, her voice cracking over the words.

“It is. This whole building. Everyone in it.”

“This is Sofía’s room!” Gwen yells at him.

“Sofía’s dead.” Ryan says the words maliciously, violently, like he wants nothing more than to kill Gwen with the sound of his voice.

But the words don’t stab at Gwen. They don’t eat her alive like a monster. She has already accepted Sofía’s death. She has been nothing but the silent counter of the days since Sofía’s been gone.

I’m the one who hears Ryan’s words like a saw through my brain. I’m the one who loses my breath, gutted at the way Ryan can say them, like there was never any question of her death.

? ? ?

I’m the one who snaps.





CHAPTER 60




You’re scaring me. The words are Gwen’s, but I don’t know who she said them to.

I am standing in the middle of Sofía’s room. The walls move like liquid.

No, those are just shadows. From the flames. The flames on her bed.

Sofía’s mattress is on fire.

All around us is a raging inferno, climbing the walls and making the paint bubble.

The door swings, the movement from the air making the flames sway. Ryan just left.

Gwen’s in the corner, crouched against the floor. There’s blood on her lips and tears in her eyes. She looks utterly powerless, and then I realize: There is nothing of the flame inside of her. Whether Gwen has powers or not, she’s always had fire inside. Now—nothing. My eyes scan the room. The Zippo lighter is in the center of the mattress, melting through the burning cloth.

Did Ryan do this?

I reach for Gwen. She flinches.

Did I do this?

Gwen struggles to stand on her own. “Bo?” she asks, hesitating, as if she’s not sure I’m going to respond. As if she’s not sure I’m me.

I nod at her.

“We have to go,” she says.

I open my mouth to protest.

“I can’t control it, Bo,” Gwen says sympathetically. “We have to go.”

“But.”

“You really thought we were, like, special, didn’t you?”

I stare at the flames. I try to pull them back through time. You can kill a fire if you take away the oxygen; I want to take away the time it took to burn.

“I get it,” Gwen says. “If I could choose my own reality, I’d choose the one where I had powers. Where I had Sofía.”

I look at the bed again. The fire has spread. It’s in the walls now.

Sofía told me a story once, about how there was a family that had wolves in the walls. They hid behind the drywall and ate the family up at night, all because no one believed the little girl when she said there were wolves in the walls. It was a picture book for children.