A Tragic Kind of Wonderful(68)

I nod.

“Aaron? Alex?”

“Paul. Nolan Paul Hannigan.”

David looks puzzled. I take a deep breath. I want to do this, but …

“Those aren’t his initials. They’re both of ours. His first name, my first name, and our last name.” I swallow. “Mel is … just a nickname.”

“But …” He stops. Then he stands. “What’s your real name?”

“I want you to know, but …”

David steps closer.

“When I was born, Nolan couldn’t pronounce my whole name. Just the Mel part, and he couldn’t even say that right. So everyone called me Mel. Later, he could say my whole name and sometimes did, but everyone had been calling me Mel for so long … He started out being the only one who couldn’t say my real name, then he became the only one who ever did.”

I pause. David takes my hands.

“Then, after the accident, I couldn’t hear it without losing my mind. Grandma Cece told the residents to never say it. I haven’t told anyone, not even Zumi. I haven’t gotten a driver’s license because … you know. Only Connor found out, him and his damn Web searches. He kept it secret for me.”

“Connor’s a good guy,” David says. “All your friends are great. Even Zumi.”

“Yeah, even Zumi.” I smile. “Anyway, I want you to know it, but I’m not ready to hear it out loud. Soon, I hope.”

“I won’t say it till you tell me it’s okay.”

I nod but don’t say anything.

“I know it’s got M-E-L in it,” he prompts. “And it starts with an A.…”

“And it ends with an A. And there’s an I in it. That’s all.”

“I like it,” he says. “I hope I get to call you that soon.”

“Me too. You’ll be the first to know.”

“I feel like you’ve given me something,” he says. “I hope you weren’t secretly hoping I’d get you a birthday present. You made me promise not to.”

“I don’t like getting stuff.”

“Doesn’t seem fair.”

“I said no presents. I didn’t say you couldn’t give me anything.”

I tip my nose up a little. He leans forward and kisses me.

It’s every bit as wonderful as the first time. And the second. And all the other times last week. I lost count.

Then he pulls back and says, “All right, I can’t take it anymore. This is a new hoodie, isn’t it?”

“How would you know? You haven’t seen half my clothes.”

He reaches behind me, peels something off my back, and dangles it. It’s a long thin clear sticker covered in black Ms.

“Oh! Oops.”

“I think someone broke your ‘no presents’ rule last night.”

“What? No! I refuse them if anyone tries.”

“Really?” he says. “Even if it’s someone who also wears black hoodies with big white letters?”

I pull on the hem to flatten it out. It says: BORN TO BE WILD.

“This wasn’t a birthday present. It’s just friends buying stuff for friends. Getting it at the party was a coincidence.”

“What if I give you something, just by coincidence?”

“Too late now—I’m wise to you. I said anyone who couldn’t resist giving me something could make me a card. You had your chance. Too late now.”

He holds out an envelope.

I snatch it from him and open it. On the front of the card is a watercolor of a woman in an old-time dress riding a bicycle. Inside it’s blank except for David’s handwriting.

Happy Birthday, Mel.

Looking forward to the other 90%.

David

“Thank you.” I kiss him. “Same to you.”

I carefully set the Magic Wand down at the base of the tower, next to Nolan’s marks. Then I grab David’s hand. “Come on.”

“Where to?”

I point ahead to the north tower.

“Let’s start there.”





Thanks to my agent, Jennifer Weltz at JVNLA, for being such a wonderful navigator in all things, providing kind honesty at every turn while enduring my tendency to overthink everything. And to our UK agent, Nicola Barr at Greene & Heaton, for her excellent representation.

Thanks to my editor at LBYR, Pam Gruber, for diving deep into Mel’s world with me to find the story I wanted to tell and bring it to the surface. To Copy Chief Jen Graham, Production Editor Annie McDonnell, Copyeditor Sarah Chassé, and Proofreader Jodie Lowe, for smoothing out the rough spots. To Maggie Edkins for the amazing book design and brilliant cover! To Kristina Aven, Emilie Polster, Jenny Choy, Stephanie Hoffman, Jennifer McClelland-Smith, and Jane Lee for their excellent PR. To Alvina Ling, Farrin Jacobs, Shawn Foster, Victoria Stapleton, and Leslie Shumate, plus Megan Tingley, Andrew Smith, and Carol Scatorchio, for putting their faith in Mel Hannigan. And to Ruth Alltimes of HCUK, for coming in early, and to Elizabeth Clifford for helping us reach the finish.

Thanks especially to the many people who share their experiences in mental health with the world and to me personally. Without such open and honest accounts, true understanding would not be possible, and certainly this book would not have been.