A Quiet Life(97)

‘Suzanne isn’t with you?’ Laura said, when she saw Joe alone, standing near to Kit.

‘She finds this crowd a bit stifling, to be honest. Says they remind her too much of her own family.’

‘Really? I thought she was—’

‘She’s Jewish, yes, her mother is, but her dad comes from a good Washington family. She seems to have got the worst of both worlds: her mother thinks she shouldn’t be working at all and her father wishes she had done something more rarefied than journalism. They certainly don’t think I’m the right man for their princess.’

Laura made sure to look interested, although her mind was running on other things. Where had Edward got to? And should she have brought down a sweater for later on? But Joe was now completely caught up in their conversation; he had never lost that ability to throw himself wholeheartedly into social interaction. He turned away from those around them so that nobody else could hear what he said, and looked at Laura intently as he spoke. ‘I just don’t know. I think she’s a great girl, obviously she’s swell, bright and beautiful and all that, but I’m thinking of going off to Europe again.’

Laura could not see why Europe would be the pull for him, but when she asked why he just shook his head impatiently.

‘I don’t seem to be making my mark here.’ As they talked, they moved away from the others and started walking down to where the waves came up over the pebbles. Laura kicked off her cork-soled sandals and he bent to take his shoes off too, when they reached the edge of the water. ‘I feel like I keep missing the boat. Truth be told, I’m angry with myself. Years ago Kit told me to get in touch with a man he knew who knew some stuff about Reds in government. I didn’t follow it up – did you see the papers today?’

Laura had not, but she knew with a dull certainty what he was talking about.

‘This Carswell just went in front of the committee and blew the roof off it – the names he’s named … to think I could have been in on that story – hey, Kit!’ Joe shouted behind him, to where Kit was standing with a young man who had a house further down the coast. ‘Did you see Carswell’s testimony today?’

Kit shook his head, and said it was crazy, that nobody could take it seriously. The young man next to him agreed.

‘That’s right,’ he said. ‘The man they’ve named at the Carnegie Endowment, I think I knew him at Harvard. This Red-baiting is getting out of hand now, you’ve got to wonder where it’s going to end. They’re going after everyone: they picked up one of the girls in my office the other day for investigation. Sure, she’s in the union – since when was it an offence to be in the union?’

‘They’ve probably got it in for the man at the Carnegie because he’s cleverer than they will ever be,’ Kit said. ‘You’re not falling for this, are you, Joe?’

Joe turned away. ‘Let’s get our feet wet,’ he said to Laura, and they went down to where their toes were nudged by the waves.

‘It’s not hard to see why Suzanne finds this crowd stifling,’ he said as they stood there, and he started to imitate the way that the young man had spoken, his high voice and dismissive tone. ‘I think I knew him at Harvard. My days, he can’t be a traitor, I think my mother knows his mother; my word, he’s not a spy, I got drunk with him last year, he’s quite a pal, you know.’ Laura went on smiling into the distance as Joe berated Kit and Tom and their friends for being so blind to the threats that might be growing for their generous, liberal instincts.

As soon as she could, she asked him why he was thinking of going travelling. ‘I’m older than you think,’ Joe said, though in fact Laura had little idea how old he was, ‘and what have I done all my life? I thought I’d get some serious writing done one day, get on to some real stories, and what is there to show for all these years? I haven’t even looked at these things that are going on now. It’s all going on in Washington now – and where am I? On the outside, that’s where – I’m always on the outside.’

Laura asked him in a light voice what he thought any of them on that beach had done.

‘But it’s different for men, you know – if we’re not doing something, it’s tough, really tough to feel satisfied.’

It’s funny how men assume it’s so different for women, Laura thought. ‘I didn’t think my life would turn out quite like this either,’ she said. Perhaps Joe thought she was referring to her lost baby; at any rate he fell silent and Laura tried to move the conversation on. ‘It all felt different in the war, didn’t it? I can’t believe that was three years ago. It feels like another world.’

‘There was so much at stake then.’ Joe sounded as if he regretted that they were no longer at war. They had walked quite far up the beach, and they turned and looked back at the group of people. Laura saw them from the perspective Joe had just described: self-satisfied liberals, sheltered from the world, unable to see the new threats that were gathering for them. But where was she in this picture? Her real existence did not register in anyone’s scheme. It was as though she herself had become a blot, a negative patch in a coloured film. Only when Edward or their handler, Alex, looked at her did her true colours show; and she wanted Edward to look up, to see her even at this distance. There he was, but he was sitting on a rock, his gaze turned out to sea.