A Quiet Kind of Thunder(16)

So what happened?

I was bullied for a while. I was such an easy target. There were these kids who thought it was funny to grab me and do stuff like draw on me, and they’d tell me they’d stop if I just said ‘stop’. It was horrible but it didn’t really last long because Tem was there, and people liked her, so eventually they just left me alone. The school was a lot more interested in helping me than my primary school, so I spent a lot of time with the counselling team and working with tutors outside of the main class time. It all helped. I’d got a lot better by about Year 8.

So you’re not mute any more?

Oh no, I haven’t been actually mute for a long time. I’m just really shy. Like, clinically shy. Socially anxious. I have some diagnoses. A whole bunch.

You don’t usually talk in class?

Not if I can help it.

Is that why everyone looked so shocked today?

Yeah.

What’s changed?

If I tell you, don’t tell anyone.

You know I won’t.

Tem doesn’t even know.

OK, now I feel bad. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.

I started taking medication at the end of the summer.

Oh right.

It might be kicking in. I don’t know.

That’s a good thing, right?

Yeah. Bit of an adjustment, though. I’m so used to being the quiet one.

I know what you mean. I don’t know who I’d be if I could hear.

Would you choose that, if you could?

I don’t know. I really don’t. I like my life. I like being me. I feel like I’d kind of be letting myself down – and the whole community, which I really love – if I said I wished I could hear. It would be like giving up a big part of myself. So much of what I have wouldn’t have happened if I could hear. Like, even meeting you.

Me?

Yeah. If I’d started here as just another boy would you even have noticed me? Why are you laughing?

Would YOU have noticed ME?

That’s exactly what I’m saying. I like the way things are. I like that I’ve met you and we’re getting to know each other.

Why?

What kind of a question is that?

I just don’t really get it.

Get what?

Is it because I can speak some BSL?

Is what because of that?

You didn’t answer my question. The pact.

You need to answer mine for me to be able to answer yours.

Why you talk to me.

I like talking to you.

No one likes talking to me.

Isn’t it more that no one usually gets the chance?

I have to go to class.

It’s almost lunchtime?

Then I have to go to get food.

OK cool. Where do you want to go?

By myself.

How have I upset you?

Don’t walk away from me, you know I can’t shout after you.

‘Stef.’





I decide to take the rest of the day off, even though I’m supposed to go to English in the afternoon. I have Atonement with me, so I go to Starbucks, buy a vanilla hot chocolate and spend the next couple of hours reading in the corner. I am completely alone and it is blissful.

I don’t even bother making notes; I just read until the pages run out and then I sit, slightly dazed, forced back into the real world. A couple at a table near me are trying to name all seven dwarfs, but have stalled at five. A girl on my other side is scowling at her laptop and jabbing at the keys with angry fingers. When did these people come in? What time is it?

I put the book down and pick up my phone. It’s almost 3 p.m. and Tem has sent me four messages escalating from a casual ‘Hey, I have news, message me!’ to a final, desperate ‘STEFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’.

I finish scrolling and smile at the string of messages, then type out a reply.

Steffi:

I’m in Starbucks. What’s up?



Tem:

THERE YOU ARE.



Here I am!



I KISSED KARAM.



I hesitate, waiting for the jolt of surprise to pass so I can work out what I’m feeling. Obviously I know she likes Karam, but as of yesterday she was still playing it cool. And it’s the middle of the day!

Steffi:

???

Wow! I think I need to hear the details?



Tem:

I can see your disapproval in nine words, Brons.



I’m not disapproving!



SURE. Well I’m coming over tonight,

so you can practise being excited OK??



OK!



Awsum. Right after school, k?



Was it a good kiss?



Yes.



?



I’m really not disapproving. Just . . . cautious. Protective. That’s the best friend prerogative, right?

I’m still holding my phone and I look at it, nibbling on my lip, then tap the jackbytes icon. The screen loads.

[stefstef is online]

[rhysespieces is offline and cannot receive messages]

stefstef: Sorry.

[rhysespieces is online]

[stefstef has gone offline]



Tem is giddy with happiness when she arrives at my house after dinner. She throws out a cursory ‘How are you?’ on the way to my room, but I know it’s not the time to start telling her about my sort-of argument with Rhys – was it an argument? – so I just smile and reply that I’m fine. She is too excited to notice my sort-of lie – is it a lie? – and does a running leap on to my bed, bouncing a little like a child before settling down on to crossed legs.