A Place in the Sun(73)

I think therefore I am (not pregnant), Georgie

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I slammed my laptop closed and reached for my box of crackers. Now that I thought about it, when Andie was pregnant and had suffered from morning sickness, she’d sworn having an empty stomach made it worse. But…that didn’t apply here…since I wasn’t pregnant.

I was on the pill, mind you. I took it every day—well I had forgotten once a few weeks back, but the chances that I’d happened to miss a day and had begun to ovulate had to be astronomical. The odds were on my side. My stomach, however, was not.

I munched on another cracker, letting it dissolve in my mouth as I stared off at a point in my room, right at the corner. I wanted to freeze time, to live in denial as long as possible. I’d never been pregnant before; maybe this was just a simple stomach flu? I did feel a bit lightheaded.

Oh bloody hell.

If it was true, my brother was going to freak out.

My mum would moan on and on about me being an unwed mother. The scandal would likely do her in and then I’d have to shoulder the weight of having killed my own mother. How’s that for grief, Gianluca?

Oh god, Gianluca. I dropped back onto my bed and shielded my eyes with my forearm. I had absolutely no clue what he would do if it was true. The worst part of me feared that maybe he’d assume I’d done it on purpose, like it was some twisted plot to trap him into staying with me forever.

I knew it was silly, he would never truly think that, but how could I not worry?

He’d been busy the last few days. He hadn’t come to work at Il Mare and had mentioned a bit of work he had to do up at his villa. I’d gladly shoved him out, telling him to take as much time as he needed to sort out whatever it was he was doing. I needed time away from him, time to think and wrap my head around my feelings.

Now, I had this thing to think over…this massive, impossible, 100% unlikely…yet maybe possible THING Andie had just torpedoed at me.

It was all too much. I tried to take in a deep breath, but my lungs constricted, fighting me. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was having a proper panic attack. I had to get out. I couldn’t die in a bed, alone, with saltine cracker crumbs scattered across my chest. Too pathetic even for me.

I stood and reached for the jacket on the back of my door. I slipped on a pair of sandals and left. Evening had rolled in and the air was chilly outside. I had nowhere to be, but it felt good to get out and walk. I went up to the train station and bought a ticket to La Spezia. I sat alone and stared down at my fingers twisted together on my lap.

We passed village after village and the train filled up. I listened to the sound of the passengers, more attuned to the children aboard than ever before. A mom and infant even took the seat in front of me, and I thought it was a real sign from God—up until the infant saw my face and started to wail.

Oh baby Jesus.

I was doomed.





AFTER A LONG walk around La Spezia the night before and loads of sleep, I’d really come to my senses about things and had concluded that everything was fine, whether it wanted to be or not.

Sure, I’d strolled into a pharmacy in La Spezia and picked up a dozen pregnancy tests, but they were more for drama than anything else. The real problem was that my brother had married a mental patient, and I thought it was best if we all focused our energy on getting her the help she needed.

She’d emailed me a few more times overnight, but I didn’t read them. Instead, I munched on a few crackers—which were really helping with my stomach flu—and sat back on my fluffy pillows with a paperback cracked open. In the last hour I’d only managed to scan half a page, but I’d heard that literacy tends to come and go in adulthood. I wasn’t worried.

Another email from Andie pinged on my laptop and I read the subject line: PEE ON A STICK, YOU STUBBORN IDIOT.

See what I mean? Shockingly unstable, that one.

Still, she might have had a point. I had literally bought out the village’s supply of pregnancy tests. I could have sat outside the lone pharmacy, waiting for a couple to go rushing in, then price-gouged them on their way out. Since I owned a monopoly, I figured it wouldn’t hurt my position to get rid of one or two.

I thought I really might take one then. I opened my bedside table and reached for the pink and white box, but then I heard footsteps in the common room and Gianluca’s voice filled the bed and breakfast.

“Georgie?”

Oh god.

I slammed the drawer closed and jumped up to conceal it. Gianluca opened the door after a gentle knock and I feigned a big, easy smile.

“HEY-OOO there.”

He furrowed his brows, clearly suspicious. “Wow. Hi.”

“Hello again.”

He laughed and shook his head. “What are you doing in here?”

At once, both of our gazes fell to the open crackers sitting on my bed.

“Are you feeling all right?”

“Yes. I was just reading…and I wanted a snack.”

It was the truth, technically.

“Right well, c’mon. I’ve got something to show you.”

I frowned. “Where? Honestly, I’ve got to stay here and…”

He shook his head and reached out for my hand, all but dragging me from my room. My stomach flu had flared up earlier, but the crackers had settled my stomach for the moment; I just had to hope they would last for a while.