A Missing Heart(28)

“I’m just going to school, Mom,” I remind her.

Her lips are pressed against my ear and she whispers, “I know you’ve had a rough few months, and we never have to talk about it. But I’m proud of you for doing all the right things, even if it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to.” She could be referring to my “friendship” with Cammy or she could know about the pregnancy. It isn’t like them not to pry into my business, especially with something as life-consuming as a baby, but we’ll leave it as is.

With more tears and goodbyes, Mom walks me to the door and squeezes her hand around my wrist. She won’t tell me not to leave, but I feel it within her grip. Dad opens the door and places a hand on my shoulder. “Drive safe, AJ,” he says. I take the step outside, but Mom is still holding my arm, so I look back at her and the anguish in her eyes. I don’t want to ever feel the way she’s feeling, not again, which is why I will never ever put another child on this earth, no matter what. Dad places his hand over Mom’s and gently peels her gripping fingers from my arm and tucks her against his chest as he waves goodbye with a clenched jaw and tears coating his eyes. “Make us proud, Son.”

I walk out, refusing to look back because if I do, I might lose it too. I get into the truck and forget about the rearview mirror, but I wave.

It takes a good hour into the drive before the knot in my chest loosens a little. I turn up the music and focus on what’s ahead of me instead of what I left behind this year. It’s the only plan I have right now. I’ve never felt alone before, but right now I feel like I’m the last person alive. It’s not a great feeling, but I know that’ll change the second I pull into the campus.

Just as I’m passing over the border into Rhode Island, my phone buzzes in the cup holder. With eagerness, I grab it, hoping it might be Cammy, but when I glance down at the display, I see it’s only Hunter.

“Hey,” I say, answering the phone.

“I’m sure you just went through the whole, long goodbye spiel with Mom and Dad, so I’ll spare you of that and give you the other half of what you need to hear. Listen carefully…”

“Ugh,” I groan.

“Wait, put him on speaker phone,” I hear in the background. It’s Ellie—his right arm and fiancé. Who has a fiancé at twenty? But then, who has a kid at seventeen?

The two of them are talking at the same time, and I can hardly understand either one of them, but Hunter finally stops talking so Ellie can take over.

“How’s my little brother?” she croons.

“You’re not married yet,” I correct her. She’s been referring to me as her little brother since I was two but lately I’ve had a reason to tease her about it since she’s literally going to be family within the next year now.

“Shut it, AJ,” she says. “Listen…you’re going to have a buffet of ladies to choose from, but wrap it up and stay smart.” I hear her giggle as a rustling noise takes over the call.

“Sorry,” Hunter says. “Be glad you have a brother. Anyway, have fun. Have the best time, and she was right about the buffet of chicks.”

“Hunter!” Ellie scolds

“Chicken, there’s always so much chicken at the dining halls.” The two of them are so annoying sometimes. “She doesn’t like when I call women chicks,” he mutters. “But yeah, take the time to be free and…”

“Oh my God, Hunter. Do you want to be free in college? We can arrange that!” Ellie says through laughter.

“Do you listen to yourselves?” I ask them. Since they’ve basically been married for twenty years already, they act like an old married couple, but they also act like they can’t breathe without each other. For a long time, I couldn’t understand why they acted that way, but I figured it out with Cammy.

“Have you heard from Cammy?” Hunter asks. “Is she settling in to George Washington okay?”

“I guess so,” I tell him.

“Oh,” he says.

“If it’s meant to be—” Ellie shouts over him.

“I know,” I interrupt.

“I know how much she means to you…even if you still won’t admit that you two are together. No guy could just be friends with a girl like Cammy.” I somewhat expect Hunter to get the wind knocked out of him for that comment but he continues, “With that said, the next four years will come and go, and then your life will go in the direction it’s supposed to, so if that means you end up with your ‘best friend’ as we’ll call her, then that’s how it’ll happen.”

“Could take longer,” Ellie said. “Don’t give up hope.”

“Coming from you two, this is so helpful. With all of your lifelong experience in dating and loss, maybe you should write a book,” I tell them.

“Babe, we could totally write a book,” Hunter tells Ellie. “We can title it: ‘What It’s Like to Find Your Wife at Five.”

“Aw, that’s so cute! We should do that!” Ellie agrees.

“Yes, it would be an inspiration to all five-year-olds,” I add in. “PS: You guys need to get a life.”

“We have one,” Ellie says. “Together, forever. Awwwwww.”

“Before I puke, I need to get off the phone,” I say. They do this on purpose. They’ve been doing this on purpose for years ever since the very first time I pretended to gag when they kissed in front of me. I know they don’t act like this when they’re not in my presence, but they don’t give it up when they are. Right now, I just feel jealous that their relationship survived the odds, and here they are, planning their lifelong road to happiness until death do they part and all that crap. It’s not fair.