A Million Miles Away(30)

Peter laughed at her disbelief. Kelsey realized her mouth was wide open and she snapped it shut, blushing. “I know you don’t watch much TV, but Willy Wonka is, like, a classic film.”

“It always freaked me out. The little orange men? Come on.”

They used to freak Michelle out, too. Kelsey couldn’t help but feel a little smug. “They’re supposed to freak you out. They scare the characters into doing the right thing.”

Peter, who had been sipping his coffee, spit it out all over his lap. Between laughs, he said, “I was going to say that’s the wrong way to go about it, but then again, I’m in the army, so that might be hypocritical.”

As Kelsey laughed, watching him clean up, she heard a click behind her. “Kels?”

She turned around.

Gillian stood in the doorway, letter jacket over her arm. “You can’t say no to pizza.…”

Kelsey snapped the laptop shut. But she wasn’t fast enough.

“Was that—?” Gillian walked into the room, pointing at the computer. “Who was that?”

“No one,” Kelsey said, which was the wrong answer. Any answer felt like the wrong answer.

“That was Michelle’s boyfriend,” Gillian said, her eyebrows furrowing. “The soldier.”

Gillian had seen Peter the night of their party through Michelle’s door. But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was how guilty she looked by hiding him. Oh no.

“Yeah, but—” Kelsey began. She could feel tears coming on. She blinked them away.

“Kelsey. Calm down.” Gillian’s head tilted, puzzled. “Why did you end the Skype call?”

“You startled me.”

Gillian’s lips pursed. She didn’t buy it. She was a smart girl.

“So what’s up? What were you guys talking about?”

“Just Michelle stuff,” Kelsey said. She gave the long sigh she gave her parents when she didn’t want to talk, but with Gillian, her breath came out uneven and forced.

“That must be tough,” Gillian said.

“Yeah.”

“You want to talk about it?” Gillian asked.

“Not right now.”

Gillian made a dismissive hmm. Kelsey usually told Gillian everything. But where could she start when the beginning was the end of Michelle?

“He’s—he’s not taking it well,” Kelsey continued.

“Well, at least you all were laughing when I came in,” Gillian said slowly, not meaning a word. “When did you tell him?”

Kelsey could feel the air get more still, muffling her. “I—soon, I mean, recently…”

“He didn’t find out from the news?”

“He hasn’t read it.”

The details dawned on Gillian, now visible in her face, tightening it.

She had figured it out.

“He doesn’t know?”

Kelsey tried to breathe through her nose. “Know what?”

“Don’t play dumb. You were talking to Michelle’s boyfriend.”

“It’s not a big deal.” But Kelsey’s jaw, which had started shaking, said otherwise.

Gillian took a step toward her. “Does this soldier guy not know that Michelle is gone?”

Kelsey stared at the carpet. The more she lied, the worse she looked. So she didn’t lie. “No. He doesn’t know.”

“Does he know he’s talking to you?”

A pause. “No.”

Kelsey finally looked her best friend in the eyes. They were still narrowed, but just as much in question as in anger. “Why the hell would you do something like that?”

When Kelsey opened her mouth to speak, she found her throat was caught again. The tears were back. “I didn’t know how to tell him,” she got out. “I’m sorry. I know it’s bad. But I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to make things harder on him than they already were. He’s putting his life on the line, you know? And—”

Gillian shook her head, as if she couldn’t bear to hear anymore.

Kelsey wanted to go further, to explain, but she knew the words would make it sound even worse. She had never stated the facts this way, not even to herself: With Peter, I can pretend it never happened. And I like talking to him. He makes me laugh. We were having fun.

Gillian’s voice brought her back. “I know you miss Michelle, but this is crazy. You have to stop.”

Kelsey sat back down at her desk, and looked up. “Of course. Yes. I will.”

“Kels. You’re playing with fire.”

“I’m not doing it to hurt anyone,” Kelsey offered.

Gillian scoffed. “Oh, yeah? How does Davis feel about that?”

Kelsey said nothing. A hardness formed inside her. It was the initial shock that ruined it. She had no time to plan for something like this, an interruption like this. “Davis has nothing to do with it. You don’t understand.”

“No, I really don’t,” she snapped.

“I’ll stop.” Then, at her back, Kelsey pleaded, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Gillian turned, her eyes roaming around the room, trying to process. “Yeah.” She nodded, but she couldn’t look at Kelsey. She didn’t want to look at Kelsey. “See you Monday.”