A Lover's Lament(56)

Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with all of that. So you want to know something you don’t already know about me? There’s not much to tell, but I’ll give it a shot.

Do you remember me telling you I work with my best friend, Maggie? We met in college and became fast friends. It sounds pathetic, but I don’t have much of a life outside of work and Maggie. And everyone loves Maggie—except Wyatt. They never did get along, but she’s gorgeous and funny, and she’s one of those people that lives by her own set of rules. She does what she wants when she wants to do it, and she doesn’t give a shit what anyone else says. She is the best girlfriend I could ask for, and I know that you would absolutely love her. I can totally picture the two of you shootin’ the shit over a couple of beers next to the fire pit, and trust me when I tell you that she can dish it out just as good as she can take it. I hope that one day you get to meet her.

And you want to know my biggest fear, huh? That’s a tough one. Okay, before my father was killed, my biggest fear was death. I’m sure that answer sounds cliché, but it’s true. I can remember lying awake at night, and I’d start thinking about death and the fact that once we’re gone, we’re never coming back. No more sunsets on my favorite hill, or riding Mac in the rain. Never again would I feel the burn in my legs after running, or the ache in my chest after laughing too hard. It’s scary, thinking of all the things you’d never get to experience again. Some nights, when I would think about it too much, I’d have to get out of bed and go do something to quiet my brain.

Anyway, after Daddy’s death, I’d say my biggest fear is no longer death itself but losing a person I care about. And not just anyone, but someone that owns a piece of my heart … someone I’m invested in. Losing my dad nearly destroyed me, and I’m not sure I’d survive something like that again.

I told you mine, now you tell me yours. It’s only fair ;) Always,

Katie



My mouse hovers over the ‘send’ button, and I suck my bottom lip between my teeth as I contemplate whether or not to mention the roadside bomb I heard about on the news. Is that something that I can just bring up? Because I really want to know …



PS. I saw on the news that there were a few bombings, and I’m sure that’s an everyday thing for you, but I’ll be honest … it sort of freaked me out. I’ve never known someone at war, so when I heard about it, well, it scared me, and I thought of you. And I guess … I just want to know that you’re okay, and that your men are okay, and I want you to know I’m thinking about you and praying for you. Also, I’m not sure the whole phone situation over there, but I’m always available on my cell … you know, if you ever want to call me ... (533)-224-9892





“The Fear In Love” – Don’t Look Down

FUCK THESE MORNINGS. THE ONES where I wake up after a restless night of sleep about ten minutes before mission. The ones that limit personal hygiene and add unnecessary stress to an already long day. The ones were I barely have time to take a piss, let alone check my f*cking email in the Comm Center.

I rush to get into uniform, brush my teeth quickly, and meet my guys near the trucks. They laugh their asses off as I approach, my uniform half on and sweat already running down my cheeks. I pierce a hole through them with my eyes as I finish strapping on my gear and tightening my helmet.

“You motherf*ckers can’t wake a guy up?” I yell, slamming a fist into the hood of the Humvee. I make my way to the passenger seat and look over at headquarters just before climbing in. It’s like I have X-ray vision. I see straight through the walls into the communications center and to the computer that sits there, taunting me with an unread email from Katie. I huff and sink my ass into the seat, slipping my headset on and slamming the door shut.

“Hey, what can I say, Sarge? You had one thumb in your mouth and the other one up your ass. It was just too cute to f*ck with.” Navas cackles and nudges my elbow with his boot. “I swear we were coming to get you in five minutes.”

“Five more minutes and I would’ve had to go out on mission without pants.” The Humvee pulls out of the spot and toward the gates as the other two vehicles follow behind. “Thomas, you’re the driver. It’s your job to wake up the boss.”

Thomas waves to the two men guarding the front gate as we pass through it before glancing over at me with a smile. He’s looking a lot better since our talk.

“It wasn’t my fault, Sarge. Navas said to leave you there. That you needed your beauty sleep.” He laughs and steers the Humvee onto the main road. While I’m okay with the extra sleep, I was hoping to at least be up in time to check my email before heading out on mission. Now, that’s all I’m going to be able to think about right now. Fuck, that’s all I’m going to be able to think about all day, for that matter. It’s going to make for a long twelve hours.




The air conditioning pumps out lukewarm air, which does little to alleviate this early afternoon sun. The heavy armor on the Humvees and the heat of the engine make the vehicle like an oven during this time of day. I try my best to stay comfortable, setting each hand against the A/C vents, soaking up every bit I can get. Thomas is passed out—as usual—resting his helmeted head against the steering wheel. I wonder how he can even manage sleeping with how steamy it is right now. Then again, even though there are times I can’t sleep if my life depends on it, there are other times I can pass out in five seconds using my helmet as a pillow. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, really; it’s just the way of a soldier. You learn to adapt … eventually.