A Lover's Lament(4)

Devin’s face falls and he shakes his head. My chest constricts painfully. “Pennsylvania.”

“What?” Jumping from the bed, I shake my head as my throat starts to clog. “What do you mean you’re moving to Pennsylvania? Y-you can’t move.” Clutching my hand above my heart, I rub absently over a dull ache. “She can’t just up and move. W-why would she do that? What’s in Pennsylvania?”

My chin trembling causes my lips to tilt downward, and I spin away, trying to maintain some sort of composure. Devin’s hand snaps out, grabbing my arm. He tugs until my back is pressed against his chest, and then he wraps his arms around me and props his head on my shoulder. “I hate this, Kit Kat.” A sob tears from my throat at his use of the nickname he gave me in elementary school. Tears roll down my face and I reach up to wipe them away. “Trust me, the thought of leaving here—of leaving you—rips my heart out, and if there was any way for me to stay, I would.”

My mind races with solutions, because he can’t leave. He’s my best friend … he’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. “What about Chris?” Turning in his arms, I rest my hands against his chest. Chris is Devin’s best friend, and Chris’s parents love Dev. “I’m sure his parents would let you stay and finish out the year, and—” My words die off in my throat when Devin shakes his head. “Why not?”

“Katie,” he whispers, cupping my face in his hands. “I can’t let my mom move alone. She needs me.”

“You guys don’t even get along,” I grumble, taking a step back. “She treats you like shit.” Devin’s eyes widen and I want to apologize for the harshness of my words, but I can’t because they’re true. Too many times I’ve sat talking with him over some stupid stunt his mom pulled. I’ve watched him nearly break down time and time again over the way she’s treated him and now this. Now she’s just going to rip him away from his entire life—from the only life he’s ever known?

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but it doesn’t work. Adrenaline, anger, confusion, and sadness … they’re all running through my veins at warp speed. I can’t seem to make sense of any of it, and I need some time to sort through all of this. Everything I thought I knew just changed. My foreseeable future just shifted, tilting my world on its axis, and I need to get a grip on myself before I can get a grip on the situation.

Grabbing my underwear and skirt from the floor, I slip them on.

“Katie?”

Scurrying around the bed, I look for my shirt. I know it’s around here somewhere; it couldn’t have gone that far. The power of Devin’s stare weighs heavily on my back. He’s following me around the room, I can feel it. I spot the gauzy material on the floor, along with my bra, and snatch them both up.

Devin steps in front of me as I slip on my bra. “Katie, please talk to me. Don’t do this; don’t go quiet on me.”

“I’m not going quiet.” Tugging the shirt over my head, I run my hands down the material, a feeble attempt at pulling myself together. “I just need … a minute.”

Devin’s eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. “You need a minute? No”—he shakes his head and reaches for me, but I dodge him—“what you need is to talk to me. We will work this out. It’s only temporary. I’ll be eighteen this winter, and as soon as I can, I’ll come back. This isn’t the end … please don’t think that.”

“Isn’t it?” I ask, whirling around on him. “You’re moving to Pennsylvania, Dev. That’s like a thousand miles away.”

“Eight hundred,” he mumbles.

“Great!” I toss my hands up in exasperation. “You’ve already looked it up, which means you’ve known for a while.”

“No,” he states firmly. “She sprung this on me yesterday morning. I tried to tell you earlier, but we were—”

“You know what, never mind.” I’m confused. So confused. I just gave myself to Dev and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but somehow it seems so insignificant in light of all of this. He’s leaving. Leaving. My stomach dips and then rolls as I fight back a wave of nausea.

Devin has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember, and just the thought of him not being here every day—not being able to drive over to his house and see him anytime I want, or kiss him anytime I want—makes my chest physically hurt. I’ve never been shot before, and I hope like hell I never do, but this sharp pain in my stomach must be what it feels like.

Slipping my feet in my sandals, I haul ass toward the door. Devin rushes up behind me, slamming his hand against the solid wood, shutting it before I can slip out. His body is hot against mine, his breathing ragged, and guilt ripples through me. He’s the one that’s leaving … he’s the one that has to start over, and here I am acting like this.

“Katie, please hear me when I tell you that this doesn’t change anything.”

“You’re wrong,” I say with a sigh. “This changes everything.” And by everything, I mean that nothing will be the same. I don’t mean it won’t work, because I do believe that if we want it badly enough and try hard enough, we can make it work. But it won’t be easy. It’s something that we’ll need to sit down and hash out, but right now I just need to collect my thoughts.