A Kiss of Fire (A Kiss of Magic #2)(62)

“I could not! I am under guard constantly!”

“You are a very powerful woman. Even I can see that. If you wanted to be free, nothing would stop you.”

“Mariah, my maid, would stop me. For I cannot think of leaving here without her.”

“So. If I were to provide a way for you and your lady maid to be free tomorrow, you would go and never look back?”

The answer should have been a resounding yes, yet she hesitated. She didn’t know why she hesitated, but she did. It confused her. Of course she would want to be free! She would be happy to escape this place…wouldn’t she? To escape this hauntingly determined and struggling people, to put this machine of delicate checks and balances behind her and get back to her cold and lonely, well-run government seat?

The conflicting thoughts and emotions only served to bewilder her more.

“Yes!” she yelped aloud. “I don’t want to be here! I would leave in an instant given half a chance. But that chance is not about to come any time soon so it is a moot point. It only frustrates me to think of it.”

“And even if you could escape, he would only hunt you down again,” Fatima said.

“Yes.” But why did that thought excite her so much? Thoughts of being chased down, swept back into his powerful embrace and then carried off back here, to his home. To his bed. The thoughts made her weak and wanting, made her confused and desperate for clarity of thought.

“And perhaps you would be glad of it,” Fatima said knowingly.

Tears came to Ariana’s eyes. Tears of pure frustration brought on by the perplexing contradictions in her desires. He was getting to her, she thought with infuriated temper. He had promised he would wear her down and he had. If she didn’t escape from there soon, she would end up throwing herself at him. She knew it. She could feel it.

“I don’t want him,” she whispered. But even she knew it was a lie as she said it. Knew it was transparent to the woman seated across from her.

“You don’t want to want him. But you do. You want him very much. So much more than you want to admit to yourself. But you are afraid. Afraid of what it might mean to you. What it might mean to him.”

“No!” Ariana surged to her feet, pacing out of reach of the other woman. “I am merely a conquest to him. I will not become a man’s concubine! Of little value until I breed an heir! I will not be one of many.”

“Is that what you think? That you would be one of many?”

“Of course I would. I only have to sit at table with his brother and his five women to see I would have no real importance in his life. That as soon as he tired of me he could move on to a fresh new woman and in this society it would be allowed!”

“So we are back to your fear of him growing tired of you. Perhaps you should explore this more in your thoughts. Does my son appear to be the sort of man who would tire of a woman he loves? Does he appear to be the sort who would change his feelings the way a Weath shaman changes the weather? Do not judge him based upon his brother’s temperament. I know you do not respect Vich—no, it is all right. My younger son does little to recommend himself,” she said when Ariana would have politely argued. “But I know you see the tremendous difference in a man like Sin and a man like Vich. Vich is motivated completely by self-gratification. Sin…the only thing Sin has ever done to gratify himself was to take you.”

Ariana swallowed as her heart began to pound with her excitement at the thought of being the one thing Sin had ever wanted for himself.

“If my son had wanted other women, other concubines, then he would have taken them by now. He is a healthy man in the prime of his life…a man in need of an heir to inherit his kingdom. Yet even though he has been desperate for that heir, he has made no move toward getting one. Not until now. Doesn’t that say something to you?”

It did. It said a great deal. Hearing Fatima put it that way shed a whole new perspective on Sin’s actions. Could it be true? Did he really love her? Would he love her to the exclusion of all others?”

“But in his desperation for an heir,” Ariana said, “he would throw me over if I could not produce one.”

Fatima tsked. “If that is what you think of my son, then perhaps it would be best if you leave.”

Ariana realized that she didn’t think that of Fatima’s son. That in her heart she didn’t think he would use her so ill. He was a man of honor and respect who usually put the needs of others before his own. He would not have risked everything only to turn his back on her.

Ariana’s heart fluttered in her chest, her stomach tightening. But what did it matter if he loved her? It couldn’t make a difference when it came to her people and their needs.

Yet, for the first time she petulantly didn’t want to consider her people’s needs. She was tired of constantly putting their needs above her own. She was a healthy, red-blooded woman. She had the healthy appetites and desires to match. Yet she constantly denied them for the sake of her people.

But what good to her people was a woman who never knew what love felt like? Who never knew what it meant for her to be treasured above all others? Sin had proven to her time and again that he would do anything for her…who else had ever done so much?

No one. No one but Sin.

Ariana didn’t realize it, but her pacing was growing more frantic with her every thought. Her hands ran up and down her thighs, desperately needing some kind of tactile sensation. In fact, her whole body was in need of tactile sensation. She had been humming and at the ready for days. Tuned to a perfect pitch by masterful, loving hands.