A Kingpin Love Affair: The Complete series(39)

The last woman I had ever truly loved left me.

My fists clenched as sweat formed on my brow.

Stop. Don’t think about it.

I ran my fingers through my hair, my head in my hands. Don’t think about the past. Don’t allow it to take you under.

I watched as she walked away from me. I watched as she went to the car. That was the last day I ever saw her. Her smiling face turned toward me as she got into the car and drove down the driveway. I should’ve been with her that day.

“Stop…” I whispered helplessly to myself. I couldn’t relive the past when I had so much to live for in the future. I lifted my eyes to Isabella. I had her. I had this life.

“Jared?” I could hear her voice as if it were real—as if she were truly here with me. I knew she wasn’t though—I knew that because she was dead.

“You’re not real.” I pushed the voice away, not wanting to hear what it had to say. I just wanted it out of my head.

“I want you to know that I loved you more than life itself. That when I passed over, my only thought was if you could make it without your mommy.” I squeezed my eyes closed. No, no!

“Life has a way of changing things, people really. My death should’ve made you stronger, not weaker.”

I placed my hands over my ears.

“I love you, Jared, but it’s time to let go. Let the past be the past. Find love and happiness with someone else. I want you to love with all your heart and never let go. I want you to love as if you have no fears, nothing to live for but the heartbeat of the person next to you. Remember where you came from and tell your father I love him. He’s done an excellent job of raising you.”

“It’s not real, it’s not real,” I repeated it in my mind, yet I could hear her voice over my own thoughts.

“Please…” I begged, wanting it to stop.

“I love you, Jared,” she whispered into the air, the feeling of mist against my cheek surged through my body.

When I opened my eyes, my beer bottle had fallen to the floor, my head leaned against the wall behind me, my eyes focusing in on the ceiling above me. There was wetness against my cheek trailing down my face, so I lifted my hand and wiped it away.

Tears? How could I be crying—better yet, why?

“Remember me…” The wind howled outside the window. Memories of my mother invaded my mind, and without warning, I found myself going into the living room to pull out old photo albums from our time spent together.

Blowing the dust off them, I opened the first one. An old picture was on the front page, worn from the years. It was one of my mom, dad, and me. A smile had formed out of nowhere and my heart swelled, filling with so much love.

I flipped further through the album, my fingers moving of their own accord. From my first steps to my first lost tooth to a picture of my mother and I walking into the sunset. Through the pictures, I traveled back in time.

Tears fell from my eyes without hesitation.

Tears from a funeral I never cried at.

Tears for a mother who I had lost all too soon.

Tears for a man who spent years being someone he wasn’t.

I continued to flip through the photos, watching every memory I had with her come to life right on the pages. It was when Isabella’s hand rested on my shoulder that I realized just how caught up in the memories I truly was. I hadn’t even heard her enter the room.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” I said gruffly closing the photo album and wiping away any remaining tears that had stained my cheeks.

“Shhh…” Her voice caused my eyes to drift closed. She crawled up onto the couch next to me, her body molding to my own. Her warmth enclosed me, causing the darkness inside of me to brighten just a little bit.

I smiled knowing the reason I was changing had everything to do with her. Still, a new fear was finding a way to the surface. I could feel her pulling away from me and I wasn’t sure why. Every time I asked if something was wrong, she had said no.

“I think…” I started to talk and then stopped. Was I ready to tell her I was starting to fall in love with her? Or that I was already in love with her? We hardly knew one another. At least we hardly knew the good in one another. We knew all the flaws and the damage that had been done, but we didn’t know any of the good.

“What?” She blinked, staring up at me. She was beautiful, full lashes, plump lips and a face that didn’t need makeup to enhance its features.

“I think I’m in love with you.” The second I let the words out, I could see the wheel inside of her head moving. What was she thinking? Did she feel the same way? Only our breathing could be heard as she sat beside me, unmoving. I wondered if she was going to speak or if her heart was feeling the same anxiety mine was.

“Jared, you make me feel something I never have in my entire life. You make my heart beat faster than it ever has, and you make me feel normal. Whole. Not only that but loved. To me, you’re the home I never had.”

Tears formed in her eyes. We were two halves of a whole set out on a journey to find one another through the darkness of life. It didn’t matter that our paths were littered with different things, obstacles, or struggles. All that mattered was we had found one another at the end of the tunnel.

“You’re mine,” I whispered to her as I pulled her body into my own. It had taken me a long time to realize this, but she was the one thing I never knew I wanted.