A Harmless Little Game (Harmless #1)(22)

“You’ve been treated like a nine-year-old all these years?”

“Something like that. They let me finish my bachelor’s degree online. Someone sat with me the entire time, watching every move. Every mouse click.”

“How did you manage?”

“I spent a lot of time online entering stupid contests and writing book reviews.”

She gives me a very strange laugh, her mouth twisting in a grimace.

I shrug.

Jane lets out a low whistle, then looks at her empty cup. “I need another round for this.”

“I need something stronger.”

Her face spreads with a smile. “There’s a bar next door. Quiet, with booths. No one will bother us.”

“But what about ID?”

She laughs. “ID? Lindsay! We’re twenty-three.”

In more ways than one, I’m still nineteen inside.

“Right. let’s go.”

Mickey’s Bar is about as classic Irish dive bar as you can get, with green Boston Celtics jerseys and signs everywhere. The bartender gives us a wave and we sit down in a booth. Jane orders for me, because I am apparently too stupid to know how to do this, and a plate of fried bar food arrives along with two mixed drinks.

“What’s this?”

“Cheesy french fries with bacon,” she jokes, pulling one fry off the pile of fat and dairy fun, the cheese stretching out in a long string she finally has to break with her fingers.

“Ha ha. I meant the drink.”

“It’s a Cosmo. Cranberry juice and vodka. Give it a try.”

I haven’t had alcohol in four years. I don’t confess that to her. I just take a sip.

It transports me, instantly, back to that night.

Fighting the shaking fear inside me that can’t distinguish between the past and the present, I chew my food. It tastes like gravel. Bacon and cheese-covered gravel. I swallow, then take another sip of the drink.

Jane is about to open her mouth and say something when she frowns, then looks to the side.

“Is that the same guy from the coffee shop? Is he following us?”

I turn to look.

“Don’t look! Don’t make it obvious.”

But I know exactly who she’s talking about, and I don’t care if it’s obvious.

“That’s Silas. My ‘chauffeur.’” I use finger quotes.

Jane looks at him overtly now. She lets out a sound of admiration. “He can drive me any time.”

“Jane!”

“What? He’s hot.” She sighs. “I haven’t had sex in a year, Lindsay. Not with anyone other than myself, I mean.”

I’m not sure I can handle this conversation. I’ve had my share of girl talk. Just...not in four years.

My silence hangs between us. I drink most of my Cosmo, then pick at a fry.

Jane suddenly says, “I did it again, didn’t I? Insert foot in mouth. I’m sorry, Lindsay. I shouldn’t joke about sex.”

“Why not?”

“Because...because you...”

“Haven’t had sex, ever?”

Jane looks like someone hit her in the face with a frying pan.

“What?”

“What those guys did to me wasn’t sex. It was rape. And until that happened, I was a virgin.”

“You and Drew never...”

“We, um, played. You know. Did stuff.” The alcohol is making it easier to talk about this. I want to talk about this. Need to talk about this. This is what normal people in their early twenties do, right? This is what I did four years ago. I sat around with my female friends and talked about sex.

Now I’ve gone from loads of friends to exactly one.

And I don’t have sex.

And I lost my virginity in a gang rape.

Trying to be “normal” isn’t really working so well for me.

So far.

“Lindsay, we don’t have to talk about sex.”

“I need another one of these,” I say, holding my drink glass by the stem and wiggling it. The cocktail server happens to look over and see me. She nods.

Jane smiles. Her eyes are so kind. “You’ve really been through so much, haven’t you?”

I lean back against the booth and sigh. “Yeah.”

“And now, with your father’s new campaign.”

“Right. Big meeting tomorrow morning about that,” I add, pretending to use my father’s serious, deep voice. “Gotta rally the family around Senator Harwell Bosworth so we can make America strong!”

Jane giggles. “And my poor mom will be working one hundred and twenty hour weeks.”

“As opposed to her hundred and ten hour weeks she already works?”

We share a weary smile. The server brings us both a new Cosmo. Jane looks surprised, but finishes her old one, then picks up the new one.

“A toast.”

“To what?”

“To old friends and new beginnings.”

I smile. It feels real. I clink my glass against hers and say, “I can definitely drink to that.”





Chapter 18





Jane waves to the server, a young woman about our age, and whispers something in her ear. The woman looks over at Silas, grins, and gives Jane a thumbs’ up.