A Destiny of Dragons (Tales From Verania #2)(128)

“Oh?” I snapped. “You’ve got a better idea, asshole?”

“Sam, I think any idea is a better idea. You could’ve started with Flora Bora Slam and it would’ve been a better idea.”

“Hey! I only work with what I’m given, okay! Just because you wanted to drop a rock down the hole, doesn’t mean you get to make fun of my idea. And I’ll have you know, Flora Bora Slam is still considered to be one of the greatest nonspells ever created. They put that shit on shirts, Ryan. They sell shirts with Flora Bora Slam on them.”

“I’m in a calendar,” Ryan said smugly. “It’s always the most popular month.”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “You have epic nipples. I used to buy it every year and masturbate furiously to—I mean, I read it for the articles.”

He frowned. “You read… the calendar for the articles?”

I nodded. “Exactly. Oh no. Look at the time. Maybe we should just come back tomorrow. Or never. Never is good also.”

Ryan started forward. “I’ll just drop this rock down and then we can go.”

I gave a hoarse battle cry as I jumped on his back, trying to reach for the rock to stop him from calling up the gigantic snake of doom.

“Oh yes,” he grunted, trying to hold the hand with the rock as far away from me as possible. “Because that was an appropriate response. Get off me, you weirdo!”

“Give me the damn rock, Foxheart!”

“Never!”

“We playing games?” Tiggy asked. “Jump on Knight Delicious Face?”

“What? No, no jumping on Knight Delicious—”

“Yes, Tiggy!” I cried. “Jump on him! Squash him flat!”

Tiggy crowed happily as he started running toward us.

Ryan and I stopped struggling. “This may have been a very bad idea,” I breathed.

“We’re so fucked,” Ryan agreed.

“Watch your mouth, oh my gods, think of the children you ass—oomph!”

What happened next I would take full responsibility for, even if the argument could be made that we wouldn’t have even been in this mess if I’d never been born, so blame could also rest mostly with my parents. Damn them and their libido.

Tiggy slammed into us.

Ryan and I were knocked off our feet.

We landed on the ground with a crash.

Ryan’s hand struck the dirt.

The rock bounced out of his hand.

“Noooooo,” I said, because everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. “Sommeonnnnne geeeeet theee rooooooooooock!”

But alas, it was no use.

We watched as the rock rolled toward the edge.

And it started tipping toward the edge—

But then it fell back onto solid ground.

It didn’t go over.

We all breathed a sigh of relief. The gods were smiling down upon us! Oh joy, oh happy day, I could just shit, I was so happy— Then Tiggy sneezed, the force of which sent the rock careening over the edge.

“Excuse me,” Tiggy sniffed as he wiped his nose. “Pollen. Itchy.”

The gods hated us.

And we all cringed as the rock seemed to bounce off every part of the wall it could. In the history of the world, I doubted there’d ever been a louder noise. It was as if the dome was literally crashing down around us while a thousand birds shrieked and a group of children played their instruments in a concert that parents have to attend and clap and pretend to love, but really are all regretting not practicing safe sex.

Add to the fact that the large hole was apparently all the way down to the center of the world, as it seemed to stretch on for a good few minutes. I winced with every crash and bang, sure that at any moment, a nightmare was going to crawl out of the hole and come for us. It probably didn’t help that the hum in my head had all but ceased as soon as the rock began to make its way down. Which, you know.

Probably wasn’t a good sign.

Eventually, the noise fell away.

We stayed quietly where we had fallen in a tangle of limbs, Ryan on the bottom, me lying on top of him, Tiggy above both of us, propped up on his hands so he didn’t actually crush us under his considerable weight.

We barely breathed.

Nothing happened.

Tiggy lifted himself slowly.

I pushed myself up off Ryan.

Ryan stood, knees popping, brushing off the seat of his trousers.

I gave it one more moment.

Still nothing.

“Okay,” I said, sure we were fine. “Maybe it’s not even there. This was probably all for nothing. We should—”

The snake dragon monster thing roared, and then that was the loudest thing in the world.

“—run as fast as we possibly can,” I squeaked.

And then the ground started to shake beneath our feet, the trees shuddering, the flowers swaying back and forth. The birds took to their wings, flying up and circling overhead.

Tiggy didn’t even hesitate. He scooped up Ryan and me in his arms and took great bounding steps toward the front of the dome. My hands were on his shoulders as I stared behind us, tree limbs slapping against my back and neck as Tiggy grunted. Ryan was shouting something, but I was focused on the hole as it got farther and farther away. There was another roar that echoed through the dome, and Tiggy stumbled as the ground cracked beneath his feet. We pitched forward dangerously, and for a panicked second, I thought we’d go crashing down, but Tiggy caught himself at the last second, spinning out of the way to dodge a falling tree, clutching us tightly.