A Deep and Dark December(90)

“Don’t tell me what I don’t get. I get you. I get what you’re going through. All of it. You’re not walking away from me out of some misplaced sense of guilt.” She jerked on his shirt. “Do you hear me?” Her voice wobbled, setting off an answering quake in the center of his chest.

He nodded and turned his face into the crook of her neck. She didn’t smell like she usually did, but she felt the same and that was more than enough for him. All he wanted to do was stretch out beside her and hold her and forget.

“I thought you were dead.” He could hear the tears in her voice, feel her face go hot. “I heard a gunshot…” She held him tighter. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry about Ham. I can’t… I don’t know what to say to you.” She sucked in a shaky breath and he squeezed his eyes tighter against the burning at the back of his eyes. “Thank you seems stupid. Everything I can think of is stupid and useless. Oh, god, Graham. I’m so, so sorry.”

He didn’t want her sympathy. All he wanted was this moment to stretch out forever. Snuggling deeper into her, he didn’t answer. Being with her like this, feeling tethered in a way he’d never felt before her, it was everything he wanted and nothing of what he deserved.

“I’m the only person in this town, hell, maybe even the whole world who knows what it’s like to come into an ability you don’t want and don’t know what to do with.” She laid her cheek against his head. “Let me help you. Please. I can teach you how to use your ability and how to control it.”

His throat felt as raw as the rest of him. “I don’t want to use it.”

“Okay. You don’t have to.”

“Especially not on you.”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Now see, that’s going to be an easy one. I already know how to block my dad and aunt. I’ll just do the same with you. Actually I’ve been blocking you since I woke up.”

He pulled back to look at her. Her lashes were wet and clumped together, her cheeks pinker than they were before. She was so goddamned beautiful his chest ached. He’d never grow tired of looking at her. Reaching up, he brushed back the lock of hair that had fallen over one eye. He wanted to believe that everything could be solved so simply.

“Go ahead and try,” she said. “Try to use your ability.”

“That’s just it. I don’t know how to use it. I don’t even know when I’m using it and when I’m not.”

“Close your eyes.”

“There’s no point.”

“Just do it. For me. Please?”

He huffed out a breath and complied.

“Think about something you want me to do, raising my arm or saying a particular word. Focus your thoughts. Blank everything else out. Concentrate on what you want me to do…”

“But you’re blocking me.”

“For this first time I’m going to open up to you. Then we’ll try it again with me blocking you.”

“This isn’t going to work.”

“It will. Just try.”

She still held onto him and he didn’t ever want her to let go. So that’s what he thought about, her releasing him. Taking a deep breath, he focused on her pushing him away.

Nothing.

“I told you it wouldn’t work,” he mumbled.

“Maybe if we aren’t so close,” she said, then let go of him and pushed at his chest.

He leaned back to look at her, his jaw hanging open a little. Did that just… Did I…? No. Couldn’t be. It must be a coincidence.

“What?” she asked.

He got up and paced across the room, needing the space. It felt wrong. He felt wrong.

“Graham?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Try again. Maybe something simpler this time.”

“I don’t need to.”

“What do you mean… Oh.” She smiled. At what he didn’t know. There was nothing to be happy about here. “Do it again.”

“No.”

She flipped her covers back like she was going to climb out of bed, her chin up, challenging him.

He put his hands out. “Okay. Fine. I’ll try again.”

“Not try…do. Do it again.”

Glaring at her, he thought about her lying back and closing her eyes. She looked so damn tired. All he wanted was for her to get some rest so she could heal, instead of playing these stupid games with his ability.

Sighing, she settled back against the pillows. “One more time,” she yawned. “Please? For me?”

He couldn’t help the frown that bent down one side of his mouth. “You’re tired. Maybe we should do this some other time.”

She shook her head, blinking slowly. “I’m okay.”

Returning to the side of the bed, he kissed her forehead. “No. I really think you need a nap.” He started to leave.

She grabbed his wrist. “Hold it right there.” Suddenly she was rebounding. Her lips pressed in a stubborn line. “You made me feel sleepy.”

“This is pointless.”

“You’re two for two. Good job. Try it again.”

“Erin—”

“I’m blocking you now. Go on. One more time and then I’ll take that nap you seem to think I need.”