A Deep and Dark December(69)

“What if I don’t want to?”

“I’m not up for any more of your games.”

“What do you mean any more?”

She pressed her lips together and shook her head as though breaking free from thoughts she couldn’t trace. “Nothing. Poor choice of words.”

“Let me start again.” He returned to the sofa, giving her the space she seemed to want. “I came here intending to break up with you.”

“Yeah, we went over that part.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“Graham, I’m tired. This has been a really, really crappy day.” She rose and moved to the door. “I think you should leave.”

He jumped up and followed her, the need to make her understand riding him hard. He was going to disappoint someone either way. It may as well be the person who was used to it. “Let me explain.”

Sighing, she leaned back against the front door and crossed her arms over her chest. He would only get one shot at this.

“I’m an idiot, I know.”

“You’re finally starting to make some sense.”

He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. God, he loved her smart mouth. “I couldn’t do it. I don’t want this to stop. Whatever is going on between us is good. Well, I think it’s good.”

She gave a reluctant nod, spurring him on.

“My pop thinks you’re a…distraction.”

“He knows about us?”

“Yeah.”

“And he doesn’t approve,” she said, her tone as defensive as the look on her face.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You really are an idiot.”

“He’s sick. He’s not seeing things clearly.”

“I know what your father thinks of my family. I’ve grown up with that attitude my whole life. I get it. He doesn’t want his precious son contaminated by the likes of me.”

“You’re wrong.” But she wasn’t. That was exactly what his father had said.

“We’re done here.” She started to pull the door open, but he slammed it closed hard enough to rattle the windows and send her staggering.

He gripped her shoulders, steadying her. “We’re not done.”

“Don’t you get it? We were finished before we started. It was stupid to think this could work.”

“What about last night?”

Something aching and hot flashed in her eyes and she swallowed hard. He could almost hear her heart pounding in her chest, could see the pulse throbbing in her neck. He breathed in her scent and before he thought to do it, he was tracing a finger from her jaw to the hollow of her clavicle and back again. She shuddered. He eased closer and replaced his finger with his mouth, licking kisses under her jaw to her ear. She put her hands on his shoulders, but didn’t push him away. Instead she held him there, their bodies brushing but not touching.

“What about last night?” he asked again, whispering the question over her skin, causing dots of her flesh to rise as though she were chilled. “What about tonight?”

“We shouldn’t.”

“Please let me stay.”

Her fingers flexed on his shoulders, kneading. He leaned in, pressing his body against hers. She could probably feel his erection, but that wasn’t why he wanted to stay.

“Let me care for you,” he found himself saying, the headiness of being near her heavy in his voice. “Just that. Nothing else. Please.”

“Okay. Yes.”

Her words washed through him. He might not have heard her if she hadn’t had her face buried in the side of his neck. But it wasn’t satisfaction that flooded his system. It was relief. He’d nearly blown it with her, still might yet. But for now she accepted him, maybe even wanted him. He’d take that. He’d take whatever she was willing to give. He knew then that he could take anything—his father’s disappointment, failure in front of the town, anything—as long as she stood with him.

Wrapping his arms around her, he nearly groaned at the feel of her body lined up against his. There was no way to deny what was between them. No way to hide from it. His father would just have to understand…or not. Most likely not.

*

As they turned to head to her bedroom, Erin wondered how he’d done it. Somehow he always managed to change her mind at the last moment. Or maybe she’d wanted her mind changed. She really hadn’t wanted him to leave. He’d started to talk about breaking up and her self-preservation instincts had kicked in. And the next thing she knew, she was asking him to leave, practically throwing him out. When he’d slammed the door shut and asked to stay, she’d been so relieved.

They went into the bedroom and through the motions of getting ready for bed. He used the extra toothbrush she’d given him the night before. It still sat in the holder next to hers. It looked right there. As did his reflection beside hers in the mirror. They slipped into bed and she turned to him, expecting they’d make love. Instead he brought her close and held her, tucking her tightly to him. She smoothed her cheek on his chest, luxuriating in the feel of his skin against hers. His scent was familiar now and she craved it.

They would stay together long enough to fall in love, move in together, get engaged…hurt each other. This was why she hated looking at the future. Premonition never brought her anything but heartache. And too many unanswerable questions.