A Deep and Dark December(56)
He pressed the heels of his hands into his stinging eyes. The thought of her still got to him even now, months later, in another woman’s bed, fresh from another woman’s body. Patricia was always there at the fringes of his consciousness, like the scar on his side, a constant reminder of his failings.
Erin came back to bed and slipped in beside him. He wrapped himself around her, breathing her in, trying to chase away the demons of his past. Lethargy blanketed him, heavy and warm. But even as he felt the tug of sleep, the specter of shame called him what he was…murderer.
*
Graham knelt by the bed. The morning sun set the room aglow, casting soft light over Erin’s prone form. She lay on her stomach, face turned toward him. Her curls spread out around her. Unable to resist, he smoothed back the lock that lay across her face. Her nose twitched. He hated to leave her, but he’d put off questioning her ex-boyfriend too long. For her. He’d much rather strip back down and slip into bed beside her. Maybe make love to her once more.
He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then the hand that hung off the edge of the bed. Her lashes fluttered and then she nailed him with her very direct stare.
“Hey,” he said, caressing her cheek with the back of his finger.
She leveraged up and turned, tucking the sheet around her. “Hey.”
“I have to go.” He didn’t want to tell her the reason and bring the outside world into the space that had been theirs. He’d already brought too much in and would have to find a new way to deal with that.
“Oh.” She seemed to catch his meaning anyway with her one word response.
“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”
“I don’t know. I have to check on my dad and go back to the hospital.”
Awkwardness hung in the air between them, an end of the first date kind of nervousness. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay,” she said, doubt leaden in her tone.
“Erin...” he started, caught by the look in her eyes. He found he couldn’t finish. Everything he thought to say sounded trite and overused. Instead he dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around her, and kissed her. He put the words he couldn’t say, the feelings he couldn’t express into this one kiss. How much he craved her, how much he needed from her, how much he wanted to give her, and how much he wanted to take away from her. How much he wanted to be in her body, her thoughts, her life.
He broke the kiss and stumbled to his feet, gripping the bedpost for balance. “I’ll call you,” he said again, his voice raspy and raw sounding.
She put the back of her hand to her mouth and nodded. “Yes. Call me. Come over later if you can.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
He turned and left, concentrating hard on putting one foot in front of the other when all he really wanted to do was dive back into bed with her.
*
Erin watched him go, her heart hammering, her stomach a tangled knot of excitement and need. Damn, that man could kiss. At the sound of the front door closing, she flopped back in the bed, snuggling down deep in the covers. She’d think about that kiss all day with the same goofy grin she wore now.
Her senses stuttered, flashing like a warning light. And then she was sucked out of her bedroom and into another room with bare, hard-worn furniture. A woman lay on the floor, her dark hair obscuring her face. Erin could hear voices down the hall, arguing. Another woman… no a man, his voice high and tight, yelled something about what he was owed. A deeper voice answered, his tone low and cajoling, promising the other man that he’d get what he was after.
The woman on the floor stirred as one of the men came into the room. He leaned over her, his bulbous belly making the task seem herculean, and kicked her. She jerked and curled into herself. The man bent to kick her again, but the other man—Graham—came into the room, stopping him with one word—“Don’t.”
Graham argued with the fat man over the woman as if she were a commodity he was trying to unload at a good price. Erin stood invisible at the edge of the room, trying to make sense of what she was viewing. This was a Graham she’d never seen before, hard-edged and clean-shaven, his beard gone, his hair shorn close to the scalp. He was keyed up, eager to get the fat man to agree to the deal. The woman tried to get his attention, but Graham ignored her, focusing on the other man. The man took the deal with the caveat that the woman would leave with him. Graham didn’t hesitate, quickly agreeing. The woman glared hard at Graham and tugged on his pant leg. Graham shook her off, stepping away.
The fat man smiled down at the woman, saying something in a language the woman understood but Erin didn’t. Rising to her feet as though she were in a lot of pain, she answered back. Whatever she said earned her a backhand from the man that sent her sprawling to the ground again. Graham shoved the man’s shoulder, getting in his face. Behind the men, the woman slipped a gun out of her boot. She aimed it at Graham’s back.
The explosion hit Erin as though she’d been the target. The room flashed white. Erin sucked air…once again back in her bed. The morning sun filtering into her window a mockery of the horror she’d just seen. She pulled the pillow Graham had used to her chest and hugged it hard. It still held his scent. She’d allowed the vision to go on further than it should have. She’d wanted to know more about Graham. Was that how he’d gotten the scar on his side? The one he’d tried to hide from her.