A Darker Past (The Darker Agency #2)(71)

With a howl, he lunged for me, fingers hooked and ready to do damage. I sprang to the left and, with a lightning-quick glance over my shoulder, took off across the field. I didn’t make it that far, though. Ten paces. Possibly fifteen. Lukas slammed into me from behind, taking us both to the ground.

While no one would ever get me to believe Lukas would hurt me, this was the cave. Not him. I wasn’t afraid. I was terrified. That little demon-bitch made it clear she wasn’t playing by the same rules as the other denizens of Lucifer’s cave-o-crazy. I was fair game. And that meant this Lukas—my possessed Lukas—could feasibly hurt me.

Time to get serious.

I threw my head back as hard as I could. It connected with something solid, and everything swam for a moment before some of the weight eased from my back. I went with it, clawing the grass and mud to gain some leverage. But really, all I did was coat myself in muck.

“You’ve had everything,” Lukas howled. Hands gripped the back of my shirt, hoisting me back and dragging me around. We were face-to-face. “Power, freedom, and love. It infuriates me that you show no sign of gratitude. You think we all have these things? That we all grow up bathed in the warmth of family?”

“Lukas,” I said as calmly as possible. His weight was like a truck, and it was getting hard to breathe. “Control this. This isn’t how you feel.”

“Yes,” he spat, wrapping his hands around my neck. “It’s exactly how I feel. You’ve wasted all you’ve been given. Squandered so much. Taken it all for granted. You never lived in hell, you have no idea the misery you’ve been spared.”

“Lukas, please. No,” I managed. Though, in the back of my mind, I wondered if that was true. As what little oxygen was left in my lungs flittered away, my mind churned his words, over and over again. Compared to my childhood, his had been a nightmare. In comparison to how I’d gained my demon status, and the power that went with it, his had been devastating. Mom had always been there for me. Kendra… Dad… I’d had the love and support of everyone around me. Had grown up strong and wanted for nothing.

The edges of my vision watered, and my fingers lost some of their strength as they tried to pry his hands free.

Not once in my life had I stopped to take it all in. Marvel at my life and how it could have been so incredibly different. “You—you’re”—I struggled to fill my lungs—“right.”

The finger-noose around my neck loosened ever so slightly. It enabled me to draw in a breath.

“I can’t imagine—” I coughed and wheezed. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you.”

His face was inches from mine, red eyes still flaring like an inferno, but his grip loosened even more.

I was on the right track. Just needed to calm him down, and we could beat this. “You went through hell, Lukas. I know that. We all know that. What Meredith did to you was the worst kind of betrayal. But I believe it made you stronger. It made you into the man I know.” I swallowed. “The man I love.”

The pressure from his fingers disappeared, and he leaned back a few inches.

“Things will never be like that again. I promise. You have people now. Me, Mom, Dad…” I gave a bitter laugh. “Hell, you have the entire House of Pride at your back.”

That got a reaction from him. He snorted, sitting up the rest of the way. “I may belong to your father, but there will come a time where Pride turns its back on me. The cave has shown me the truth, Jessie. More truth than I ever wanted.”

The fire in his eyes died, leaving only the warm liquid brown I loved so much. The tension in his shoulders evaporated, and his fists unclenched. “Truth? What—”

“Don’t,” he said quickly. With a somewhat sheepish smile, he added, “It’s not something I’m ready to talk about. If you wait, I will tell you. Eventually. But right now, if you push me, I won’t be able to control myself.”

“Okay…” It was anything but okay, but what could I do?

“You were right. There is something I’m not telling you.” His top lip curled into a disgusted scowl. “There’s so much a lot of people aren’t telling you. That’s just one of the many reasons you are a trigger for me, Jessie. I hate it. I hate that there are these things between us I can’t say. Things you deserve to know.”

“Why—”

He clamped his hand across my lips. “In time, you will know. No matter what, I will make sure you learn the truth. But right now, you need to let it go.” He took a deep breath, and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. When he opened them, there was the smallest hint of red rimming his irises. “I know now that I will always battle this darkness. My fight will always be taxing. But I can do it. If you promise to let this go, if you love me enough to trust me, I will fight.”

It was cryptic and sounded like a disaster in the making, but I nodded. I had volumes of information stashed in all the deepest pockets of my brain. Indexes and lists a city block long of things that went bump in the night. Demons that could kill you in the most horrific ways. I would have gladly chosen to battle any of them to the death. I would always choose the devil I knew over the one I didn’t.

Always, except this once. “Okay. I won’t ask. When you’re ready, you’ll tell me.”

A loud crack sounded, and after what felt like plunging down a bottomless abyss, we were standing side by side in the main room again. The demon-girl was gone, and so were the doors, which I knew should have been a little disturbing, but I was too distracted by the room in front of me. The wall that previously held the Sin doors was gone, and the room was bigger. Much bigger. Like a safety deposit vault, the corridor fanned out in front of us, lined with boxes, and had no end in sight.