Zodiac (Zodiac, #1)(57)
“A remembrance of your loveliness,” he says as he walks inside the cabin.
Bubbles of conflicting emotions rise within me. The feelings bump into each other like Libran cities, bouncing through my body and confusing my thoughts, as I turn to face him. “Sometimes you make it very hard for me to picture you as a Guardian.”
He stands closer to me than usual, and I realize I like him best as he’s dressed now, in the plain gray coveralls. It sets him apart from the stuffy members of his court.
“But I’m the perfect Libran,” he says, counting off each word on his fingers. “Cordial, graceful, nonviolent, and, of course, endowed with a massive . . . intelligence.”
We both burst into embarrassed laughter and look away. I’ve never met anyone like him before. Maybe that’s a stupid thing to say because I’ve never met another Libran . . . but I have a feeling they’re not all like him. The fact he was made Guardian at age eleven proves that.
“What do your parents do?” I ask.
“I’m an orphan. I never knew my parents.”
It takes me a moment to react to the news. On Cancer, the Matriarchs make sure every child has a home. Growing up without parents would be awful, but to be made Guardian at eleven while forced to hide behind an android, all without a family’s support . . . I can’t even imagine what kind of childhood that must have been.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, instinctively reaching out to touch his arm. The moment our skin makes contact, electricity sparks through me, and I pull my hand back.
“You’re sweet, my lady.” Hysan leans a few microscopic degrees closer. “It really wasn’t as depressing as it sounds. I was raised by our household robot, Miss Trii.”
As usual, I’m not sure if Hysan is being serious. “Miss Trii?”
His eyes lose focus, like he’s staring into the distance of memory. “What a terror she was . . . until I discovered how to disassemble her. Once I reverse-engineered her central processor, life was good.”
I hold back laughter. “’Nox, Neith, Miss Trii . . . have you ever had any human friends?”
He lowers his voice and grows serious. “Just you.”
The urge to laugh disappears as a stronger impulse suffocates our conversation. His eyes travel down my face, and I clear my throat. “A-are we friends?”
“I hope so,” he says softly, gazing at my lips. “I would hate myself if I’ve done anything to put you off.”
He’s so close his leaf-green irises alternately swirl like air and harden into stone. I still don’t know what to make of him. “Tell me why you really came to my swearing-in ceremony.”
His eyes move up from my mouth to meet mine. “I guess I wanted a friend,” he says, a different expression coming over him, one I don’t recognize. “It’s hard, being pushed into a role that defines you before you’ve had a chance to define yourself. I thought you’d understand.”
It’s only now I realize I’ve been avoiding being alone with him. The last time we spoke privately like this was on the way to Gemini, when he wore a similarly unprotected look on his face. I like it now as much as I did then.
“Why do you run from me?” he whispers.
Librans like to be liked, and they’re good at reading faces—after all, every performer wants an engaged audience. But Hysan is so perceptive that at times it borders on clairvoyance. “I’m not running, it’s just . . .”
“The Taboo?” For the first time, Hysan’s face looks fully naked. There’s no centaur smile or cocky expression for him to hide behind. He’s . . . vulnerable. In a lower voice, he asks, “Or Mathias?”
I shake my head. “It’s . . . me.” I’m not even sure what I mean. Some days, I wake up believing I can do this . . . and other days, I still think of myself as that lonely girl in the solarium. Hysan slides my chin up with his hand, tilting my face so I’ll meet his gaze.
At that exact moment, Mathias comes to my door. When he sees Hysan touching me, color drains from his features, and he marches away.
Caasy pokes his head in right after. “Breakfast, anyone?” He looks Hysan and me over, a mean smile stretching the length of his face.
“Mathias, wait!” I push past Caasy into the hall. “We weren’t doing anything.”
Mathias whirls around. His face is a savage white mask, and I flinch backward. “Have you forgotten the Taboo?” he thunders. “You’re a Guardian. Sex between Guardians is forbidden.”
Hearing the word sex slung out like that by Mathias embarrasses me. I don’t like that he assumes he gets a say in every part of my life, and I hate feeling constantly judged by him. “We weren’t . . . it was nothing like that.”
He glowers at me. “Remember who you are.”
Who I am. A week ago, I was an Academy Acolyte, and the only variable in my future was my admissions decision from Zodai University.
Mathias was made for this. Being a Zodai runs in his blood. He’s put so much effort into his training that he graduated first in his class at the university. He was recruited into the Royal Guard at twenty-one. He knows who he is.
But I feel like Hysan. Before I even had a chance to figure myself out, the stars did it for me. My life is a speeding train I’m constantly racing to catch.