Wolves' Bane (The Order of the Wolf, #3)(86)

I turned my eyes to Cal’s, the look of hurt I found there almost bringing me to my knees. “No, I won’t be coming back.”

Lance turned toward me. “What?”

I fought to maintain my composure. Cal’s eyes bore into me, pleading where his words didn’t. “I can’t stay with all of you. I’m sorry, Cal. I can’t get past the betrayal. Even if Andrew is gone. That place is haunted for me. I just can’t bind myself to it. I didn’t choose this life.”

Cal shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. “Don’t do this, Morgan.”

“I’ll find a way to break the bond, Cal,” I forced out, my eyes burning with unshed tears as my stomach pitched with my words. “I’ll find a way to release you.”

Cal sucked in a breath. I turned away, walking past Lance, demanding that he follow after me with a quick glance. With every step I took, I felt the burning pain of separation, of undeniable longing. As I moved away from Cal, my body screamed. But how could I stay with someone who had chosen the Order over me? He’d tried to kill me, hadn’t he? He’d taken the shot and followed through on his duty, just as Andrew had wanted. My back burned with the wound his sai had caused. As much as I’d bravely spouted off about rather dying than being Lazarus’s bride, when it came down to it, I hadn’t expected it would be my Hunter to do it. It was clear to me that Cal would always choose the Order over me. His vow demanded it.

As I slid into the backseat with Rachel, I immediately set aside my troubling thoughts to deal with what lay before me. Rachel was in shock. She’d covered her head with her hands, her body was shaking. She jumped a foot when I laid my hand on her arm.

“It’s only me, sweetheart. It’s okay, I’m here.”

Rachel lifted her head, her eyes rimmed red from crying, her lips quivering. “Morgan?”

I gave a small smile as I held my arms out. With a sigh of relief, Rachel collapsed into me, the tension and fear rolling off her as she sobbed against my chest.

Lance jumped into the driver’s seat, slamming the door and turning the ignition as he glanced over his shoulder, his brows pulled into a deep frown. “She okay?”

“No. She needs to go home. Can you take us there, please?”

Lance nodded then turned to face front. “Where to?”

Ten minutes later, we were parked outside Rachel’s house. Lance watched me in the rearview mirror as I continued to stroke Rachel’s hair, cooing to her that everything would be okay.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to wait?” Lance asked, shifting his body around so that he could look at me.

I frowned back at him and shook my head. “No, I don’t want you to wait.”

Lance sighed as he rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. “Morgan, this isn’t a decision you should make on the spur of the moment. Cal needs you, he loves you. You can’t walk away from him.”

I glanced toward the window, staring into the black sky. With the moon fully eclipsed, the stars seemed to shine more brightly. It would only last for one night, but I was sure that there were more stars out there than I had ever seen in my life.

“He tried to kill me, Lance.” I sighed as I shifted my gaze to his.

“He didn’t try to kill you.”

I straightened my back and grimaced. “Oh yeah? Tell that to my back.” I lay my hand on the door handle. “I can’t live in a house where the Order demands so much, knowing that I will always lose if Cal is given the choice. I can’t vow my loyalty to them, not when they so clearly undervalue the role of the Huntress.”

“But you’ve changed things, Morgan. You succeeded. You killed Lazarus. Things will be different now.” His voice grew louder with his excitement, and Rachel moaned, her fear returning.

I gave him a dark look. “I’m sorry, Lance, but the damage is done. I wasn’t born into it like Candy was, knowing that I would one day be a Huntress. I didn’t ask for this and I don’t want it.”

“You don’t want Cal?” Lance’s eyebrows were cocked, knowing that if I denied it, I’d be lying.

“It doesn’t matter. Don’t you get that? Cal and I don’t feel the same way about our obligation to the Order. He needs to go back there. He needs to tend to Kelly. And now that Andrew is gone, she needs him more than I do.” Even as I said it, my words tore at me, igniting my jealousy, demanding I take it all back.

“That’s bullshit,” Lance spat. “You need him and he needs you. If you walk away from this, it’s going to destroy you. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. You love him, you can’t deny that.”

I shook my head again. I needed to get the hell away from Lance, from the Hunters, from everything to do with this crazy world. I popped open the door and slid my foot out, raising my hand as Lance moved to get out too. “I don’t deny that I love him, but I can’t go back with you and he can’t go anywhere else.”

I helped Rachel out of the backseat, easing her to her feet as I slammed the door closed.

“Okay, Rach? We’re home. Why don’t you go and unlock the door?”

Rachel nodded, her eyes still glazed with shock as she dug into her pocket and pulled out her house keys then headed for the door.

I turned back to the SUV. Lance had rolled down the passenger-side window and was leaning over the seat to see me. “Are you sure, Morgan?”