When Women Were Dragons(104)

“Hell, no,” Jeanne said. “I know where you’re going with this, but I really think our situation is—”

I didn’t let her finish. “How about you, Clara?” Clara looked up at the ceiling, avoiding my eyes. “Did you ever try just . . . not being a dragon?”

Clara shook her head. “Of course not,” she whispered, pursing her lips. “Don’t be silly.”

“Edith,” I said. “You found Marla in the unlikeliest place, and she was the love of your life. You had a plan to make a go of it after your time in the service. It would have worked too. But even then, it was too much to hang on. Your dragonness welling up inside you, wasn’t it? A deep and unstoppable—”

“Joy,” Edith gasped, finishing for me. She nodded, blinking rapidly, as though keeping her tears away. “It was a profound joy.” She sighed, looked at Marla, and took her hand. “I thought Marla would follow me. That day, ideally. Like sunshine following the rain. And it would be joy forever.”

Marla pressed her paws to her face. Her breath stuttered and her body began to shake. I pressed on. “You didn’t though, Marla. You felt it then, the call to dragoning, a great and inexorable need, and you said no to it. For a while anyway.”

My aunt sighed deeply. “My parents died. And I had a sister still in high school. And she needed me. I couldn’t leave this life. I couldn’t say yes yet.”

“And I couldn’t say no,” Edith said. “I shouldn’t have had to. It was too wonderful.”

I considered this. “What did it cost you, Marla?” My aunt pressed her forehead to the ground. She shuddered. “It cost me terrible,” she said. “I had my sister. I had you. I had Beatrice. And that was wonderful. But it still cost me terrible.” Edith and Jeanne knelt on either side, curling their arms around her.

“I understand,” I said. I pressed the heels of my hands against my cheekbones and covered my eyes. I couldn’t look at them. “I understand it all now. Ladies, we have a problem. Beatrice is miserable. We all know it. It’s getting harder and harder for her to keep from dragoning. Everything in her is just crying out for it. All day at school. All day at home. All the time. She can’t go on like this. It’s hurting her.”

I stood up and shoved my hands into my pockets, my ribs shaking a bit. Edith reached over and laid her paw on my foot. She looked at me steadily, her eyes damp with love and concern. Clara draped her tail on my shoulder. Jeanne extended her neck and pressed her forehead to mine. Reassuring me that she was there. Even when my mother was alive and the four of us lived together, I never had family like this. I wasn’t alone. I would never be alone. I stepped close to Marla and knelt down in front of her. Finally, she met my gaze.

“She’s in her room, and frankly I think it’s good to give her a little privacy. Ladies, it’s time. I’ve been resisting it, but I’ve been wrong. We have all been wrong. Beatrice needs this. She needs the freedom to own herself. She may dragon and she may not, but that needs to be her choice. There can be no more rules. No more limitations. She can partially dragon, or fully dragon, or go back and forth forever, or get stuck any which way. It’s not up to us. It’s up to Beatrice. If the school doesn’t like it, then tough.” I suddenly felt so exhausted, I thought my bones would turn into mush.

“But Alex,” my aunt said.

“What about her education?” Edith gasped.

“Then we teach her at home,” I said. “Eventually the schools will let her come back. I’d rather she learn at the library than spend one more day this unhappy. She doesn’t have to dragon today, but she needs to know that she can.”

“It’s just,” Jeanne said. She paused and pulled out an embroidered handkerchief. “It’s just, we love her so much. We were adults when we changed. We knew what we were getting into. What if she changes her mind and can’t return?” She blew her nose in a tremendous roar.

I shrugged. “If there is one thing that Beatrice knows, it’s her own mind. Always has. And if she gets stuck, that’s her nature asserting itself. If she can go back and forth, well maybe some children can go back and forth. Hell, maybe some women can. No one knows anything because no one is willing to talk about anything, and so no one bothers to ask these questions, much less answer them. Myself included. That’s stupid. I live in a household of dragons. My hesitation makes no sense. If any child should be comfortable dragoning if she damn well feels like it, it’s Beatrice.”

My aunt held my gaze for a long time. “If she dragons and can’t re-girl, you’re saying you don’t mind that I’ll manage her schooling?”

I felt something shift deep inside me. I leaned close to my aunt and threw my arms around her. She turned her head, keeping the boiling drops away from my non-dragoned skin. “I love you so much,” I said. “Of course I don’t mind. She’s your daughter, Marla. It’s time she knows that. It’s time she understands what you suffered, and what you gave up, and how much you loved her. She’s your daughter, Marla. And so am I. You’re just as much a mother to me as my own mother was. I wish I could have understood this earlier.”

I found myself scooped up by my dragon aunties. My shoes dangled about three inches off the floor. Their bodies were smooth and quite warm. It felt nice, actually, being held up by people who loved me. I couldn’t remember the last time this was true.