The Shadow House(54)

me.

I was waiting for an opportunity to walk quietly away when I heard my name. ‘It’s not that I don’t like Alex,’ said Layla, her words drifting through an open window. ‘I just don’t know if collaborating is the right thing. For either of us, you know?’

I froze, one hand on the wall.

‘But I thought you and Alex were getting along great,’ Kit said. ‘Violet and Ollie seem to be close, anyway. I assumed you’d both be keen.’

Whatever Layla said in response was covered by the scrape of a chair from inside, and a gust of wind in the trees above.

Then Kit spoke again. ‘Okay, I hear what you’re saying. But …’

The trees rustled again. I missed the rest of the sentence, but then Layla jumped in over the top. ‘No, no, no,’ she said, loudly. ‘Of course I would never judge on gossip. It’s just that, honestly, I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable.’

My jaw fell open. What?

Checking that there was no one who might catch me listening, I inched around the corner, creeping closer to the door until I reached one of the windows. Slowly and carefully, I peered through the glass. Layla was standing nearest to me, her back turned, arms folded. Kit was over by the whiteboard, his hands in the pockets of his shorts.

‘Look, she’s obviously got problems,’ Layla was saying. ‘Sometimes I feel like she’s just not in the room, you know? And her temper … I just don’t want my girls living in close proximity to that kind of parenting. I don’t want her yelling to be the last thing they hear before they go to sleep at night.’

I ducked back out of sight, my hand at my mouth.

‘I mean, I don’t want to cause trouble, but as far as I’m concerned the girls come first. And Amy’s issues aside, I feel like Ollie’s presence has been destabilising for Violet. Ever since he arrived, she’s been acting up, pushing boundaries, staying up late on her phone. It’s just not like her.’

Destabilising? I had to bite my hand to stop myself from speaking out loud. Ollie was no angel, I knew that – but neither was Violet. And her boundary pushing was not new behaviour. Layla had complained about it at the greenhouse party. Why was she lying now? And what ‘issues’ did Amy have?

‘Have you discussed any of this with Alex?’ Kit said. ‘Does she know how you feel?’

‘No,’ Layla said, ‘I don’t want to make things awkward. I’d just rather take the idea off the table.’

‘Alright,’ said Kit, after a short pause. ‘That’s no problem at all. I’m sure I’ll have no trouble matching Alex with someone else, she—’

‘Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that,’ said Layla, cutting in. ‘From what I understand, I think most people feel the same way I do.’

I was stunned.

After several seconds of gaping like a fish, I crept away from the office, making sure I couldn’t be seen from the windows. Most people? Did that include Shannon and Mariko? Had they all just been pretending this whole time? I knew that Maggie hated my guts, but everyone else had seemed friendly … how could I have misread things so badly? And how did Layla even know anything about my yelling? Fuck. Was I really such a shitty parent?

I walked faster, desperate to get back to my kids to prove to at least myself that I was a good mum, a loving mum, responsible, vigilant … but with every step my vision became blurrier and my heart heavier, until the events of that morning – my bloodied walls, the farmhouse, the note – seemed hazy and distant, like the rapidly fading memories of yet another bad dream.





ALEX





23


I went home to do the only thing I could think of, the only thing I was any good at: pack my bags and run.

I pushed the door open to find Jenny in the kitchen with both my kids, a pot of yoghurt in one hand and a spoon in the other. Kara was in the highchair, gleefully slapping her palms on the tray and bouncing up and down in her seat; Ollie stood opposite, leaning against the stove with his arms folded. There was a dressing on his arm, and a first-aid kit stood open on the island bench. They were all laughing.

‘Oh, Alex,’ said Jenny when she saw me. ‘Come watch this, it’s the absolute cutest.’ Holding a spoonful of yoghurt high over her head, she made exaggerated aeroplane noises and zoomed the spoon down to Kara’s mouth. When Kara ate the yoghurt, both Jenny and Ollie shouted, ‘Yay!’ and clapped their hands. Kara burst into peals of adorable laughter and banged her own hands together with glee. Her smile shone a small light on my pitch-black mood.

‘Oh my goodness,’ I said, mustering some enthusiasm. ‘I haven’t seen her do that before. Well done, baby girl. Your first clap! So clever.’

‘I’m not sure how much food is actually staying in her mouth,’ said Jenny, zooming the spoon again, ‘but it sure is fun, isn’t it, little one?’ She and Ollie cheered, and Kara repeated her newly acquired party trick.

I watched, half-detached. The scene was a stark contrast to the one I’d endured early that morning, as if the universe was providing me with a helpful demonstration of what family life should look like. I snuck a glance at Ollie. Even he seemed different; sun-flushed and happy.

‘How was the fishing?’ I asked.