The Shadow House(46)

I stared at him.

Heaving a sigh, he folded his arms and leaned against the counter. ‘I’m sorry, okay? You freaked out so bad that I thought, fine, alright, if she thinks it’s real I’ll just tell her it’s real. But it’s not.’ He looked at the boxes on the island bench. ‘What are those anyway?’

How could I explain? I dropped my head into my hands. ‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Ollie said after a while. ‘I didn’t know the videos would upset you so much.’

Sighing, I kneaded my forehead with my fingers. ‘How much money did you make, anyway?’

‘Huh?’

‘From the videos. You said you did it to get cash.’

Ollie spread his hands and pushed out his bottom lip. ‘Couple of hundred dollars?’

‘Not bad. What were you going to do with it?’

‘Dunno.’

‘Oh, come on. You must’ve had some kind of plan.’

He paused. ‘Queensland,’ he muttered.

‘Sorry?’

‘I thought we might go to Queensland, alright?’

‘What? Why?’

‘I just … I felt bad. We stayed in Sydney because of me, and then everything ended up shit. I wanted things to go back to the way they were when it was just us. I wanted to help us get away. From Stuart.’ He looked away. ‘And from Kara.’

‘Kara?’

‘Where is she anyway?’

I tilted my head towards the bedroom. ‘Napping.’

‘Well, she’s annoying. She cries all the time.’ His chin quivered. ‘And you love her more than you love me.’

‘What?’ My mouth fell open. ‘Oh, Ollie, no, that’s not true at all. Of course I don’t. I love you both the same.’

‘Well, you shouldn’t!’ Ollie backed away, trapping himself in the corner near the sink. ‘I was here first. You should love me more.’

‘Ollie, I …’ My heart. Oh, my heart. ‘I had no idea you felt like that.’

‘No, well, you wouldn’t, would you?’

I stood up and walked around the bench, but he dodged me. I touched his arm and he winced.

‘Ow.’

‘What?’

He snatched his arm away from me. ‘Nothing.’

‘Ollie, what’s wrong with you?’ I grabbed his hand and pulled up the sleeve of his hoodie. There was a long gash on his forearm, running from the elbow halfway to the wrist.

‘Oh, honey, what’s this?’

‘Leave me alone.’

‘How did you do that?’

‘I just came off my board yesterday, it’s not a big deal.’

I reached for him, but he pulled away again and held his arm close to his chest.

‘Stop fussing, will you?’ he yelled. ‘It’s not like you care what I think or feel. You’ve always just done whatever you want to do, and I’ve just had to fit in. All that moving around … I hated it. I mean, sometimes it was cool, but I could never make friends, not proper ones. No point, we were always just saying goodbye.’

My chest hurt. I remembered the point at which Ollie began to lose interest in socialising with other kids; he’d just shrug whenever I suggested he go and introduce himself. Nah, I’ll stay at home, he’d say. Watch a movie. I just thought he was being a sulky teenager. They all do that, a fellow mum told me. Get used to it.

‘But … what about Sydney? You made friends at school, right?’

‘Uh-huh. And how do you think I did that?’

I shook my head, not understanding – but then it clicked. The file-sharing link, the YouTube videos. A lonely boy’s guide to making friends.

My own eyes filled up. I’m so sorry, buddy. I wanted to hold him and make everything better. ‘Here,’ I said, reaching for him again, ‘let me help you clean up that scratch.’

But Ollie threw up his hands. ‘Can you stop? I’m not a baby, I don’t need you to clean me up.’

We stared at each other. I didn’t know what to say.

And then, from the corner of my eye, I caught movement on the patio. Someone was standing outside, listening through the open door.

‘Hello?’ I called. ‘Is there someone there?’

I heard the scuff of a shoe and the soft awkward sound of a throat being cleared. And then Violet’s beautiful blue head popped into view. ‘I’m so sorry, Mrs Ives,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was just waiting for Ollie.’

‘You’re not interrupting,’ Ollie said before I could open my mouth to correct her: It’s Ms Ives, thank you very much. ‘I’m coming right now.’

‘Hang on,’ I said, trying to claw back some authority. ‘What’s happening? Where are you going?’

‘Fishing.’

‘Fishing?’

‘Hang on a sec, Vi, I’ll just grab some toast. You got the rods?’

I looked Violet up and down. She was wearing a short white dress with spaghetti straps. ‘You don’t look like you’re going fishing.’

Ollie sighed. ‘Actually, I’m not hungry. Come on, Vi, let’s go.’

‘But, Ollie,’ I said. ‘Your arm …’