Soul of Flame (Imdalind Series #4)(74)

I could see the pain she still held from her loss in the way she held her body, the sadness and confusion that hid behind her eyes. I wished I could take that loss away; I wished I could make her feel like she wasn’t alone.

The hardest part was that I knew I could. I could take away her pain. I wanted to.

I just wished that she hadn’t hated what I had to say.

“I can still feel his magic inside of you, you know,” I said, careful to speak slowly as I tested the waters for what I had to tell her. “Deep down.”

“You can?” she asked, her eyes widening with a deep desperation that rocked through me.

I nodded, keeping my eyes on hers, begging her to understand; to know I was telling the truth. “You do fit.”

“I don’t,” she said, her focus dropping back down to the glass again. She grabbed it, bringing the foul-smelling liquid to her mouth before she drained it in one gulp, a soft bang echoing through the room as she slammed the cup back down to the table. “It’s complicated.”

“You can tell me. I can get some ice cream.” I plastered a wide smile on my face, even though it felt out of place. I wanted her to smile; I wanted her to feel comfortable enough to tell me. To let me help.

It did the trick; she smiled, and a small laugh escaped her as I repeated the words she had given me. She laughed as I did, the sound of our artificial joy evaporating much faster than I would have liked.

“You’re one of the first friends I have ever had, Jos.” The last of her laugh faded into nothing as she reached forward, wrapping her hand around mine. I held onto her hand tightly, my heart clenching at her words, at the memory of that first day, and of every day since.

“Mine, too.”

“I know,” she whispered, her grip on my hand tightening, “so do me a favor. If you really feel that way about Ilyan, don’t let him get away, even if you both are going to die tomorrow. One day of promise would be worth it. It’s better than having none. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

The smile that had lingered on my face faded as ice washed over me. I knew what she was talking about. I didn’t need it spelled out because I had heard my heart plead the same words to me. I had held them safe, not really trusting myself to agree.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, even though I knew. Even though I could feel my heart rate increase, even though I could feel each push of blood through my body. I knew.

The earth seemed to spin faster as I looked at her right as the door swung open soundlessly behind her, and Thom and Ilyan walked in. Ilyan’s face smoothed at seeing me, his eyes lighting up. My heart rate relaxed as unabashed joy spread through my joints. I felt it rock through me in a pleasant ocean of happiness.

That was, until Wyn spoke, and the words that came out of her mouth sent my joy into a wave of nerves and embarrassment.

“Bond yourself to Ilyan, Jos,” she said, oblivious to the boys behind her. The blood drained from my face, the look of shock and embarrassment mirrored in Ilyan’s face as my vision focused on him—my nerves unable to respond—even though I begged them to look away.

“Don’t wait,” Wyn continued.

My eyes widened as her hands gripped around my forearms, bringing my attention back to her and away from the way all the blood had drained from Ilyan’s face.

“If I had known I only had a day, only an hour. If I had known everything when I had made the choice,” Wyn’s voice broke as she looked into me, her eyes shining with the emotion she had tried so hard to keep away, “I would still do it again in a heartbeat.”

“That is awfully deep for you, Wynifred,” Thom barked as he strode into the room, his deep voice only increasing the uncomfortable, smothering blanket that had covered me. He laughed as his hand slid over Wyn’s shoulder, causing her to freeze in place, her eyes widening in as much fearful embarrassment that had been raging through me for the past few minutes.

Her jaw dropped slightly before she recovered, her mouth shutting with a snap as she turned to glare at Thom.

“Yes, well, what can I say? I am a shallow pool of misery, Thom.” Wyn dropped my arms as she spoke, her body quick to turn and grab one of the other glasses she had filled minutes before.

She said nothing else as she drained the glass in one gulp, slamming it on the table as she had with the last one before she walked toward Ilyan, her face screwing itself up into a mischievous grin.

“Do yourself a favor, Ilyan. Think of yourself every once in a while. It’s what Talon always said. He worked so hard for you because he wanted you to have something for yourself. You can’t think of everyone else all the time. Find your own happiness.” Wyn said it all very quickly, her sass seeping out like some sort of poison as her words slurred together.

I stiffened at her bluntness, the way she spoke to Ilyan more shocking than what she had said. I swallowed as I forced myself to look away from the rebuttal that I was sure Ilyan was going to dish out.

Nothing came.

“Thank you, Wynifred.”

I would have expected Wyn to shy away from the acid in his voice, yet she stood still, her body swaying slightly as the over-potent alcohol began to take effect.

Ilyan looked down at her briefly before he moved away, walking right up to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He said nothing as he held me against him before his hand slid down my arm, his fingers intertwining with mine.