Siege and Storm (Shadow and Bone #2)(79)

“I don’t know,” I replied wearily. “He said the faithful are everywhere. Maybe one of the servants overheard.”

“We got lucky tonight,” said Tamar. “This could have been much worse.”

“I was never in any real danger,” I insisted. “He just wanted to talk.”

“What did he say?”

I gave her the barest description, but I didn’t mention Morozova’s journals. I hadn’t talked to anyone except Mal about them, and Tamar knew too much about the amplifiers already.

“He’s raising some kind of army,” I finished. “People who believe that I’ve risen from the dead, who think I have some kind of holy power.”

“How many?” Mal asked.

“I don’t know. And I don’t know what he intends to do with them. March them against the King? Send them to fight the Darkling’s horde? I’m already responsible for the Grisha. I don’t want the burden of an army of helpless otkazat’sya.”

“We’re not all quite so feeble,” said Mal, an edge to his voice.

“I didn’t … I just meant he’s using these people. He’s exploiting their hope.”

“Is it any different than Nikolai parading you from village to village?”

“Nikolai isn’t telling people that I’m immortal or can perform miracles.”

“No,” Mal said. “He’s just letting them believe it.”

“Why are you so ready to attack him?”

“Why are you so quick to defend him?”

I turned away, tired, exasperated, unable to think past the whir of thoughts in my head. The lamplit streets of the upper town slid by the coach’s window. We passed the rest of the ride in silence.

*

BACK AT THE LITTLE PALACE, I changed clothes while Mal and Tamar filled Tolya in on what had happened.

I was sitting on the bed when Mal knocked. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it, looking around.

“This room is so depressing. I thought you were going to redecorate.”

I shrugged. I had too many other things to worry about, and I’d almost gotten used to the room’s quiet gloom.

“Do you believe he has the journals?” Mal asked.

“I was surprised he even knew they existed.”

He crossed to the bed, and I bent my knees to make room for him.

“Tamar’s right,” he said, settling by my feet. “That could have been much worse.”

I sighed. “So much for seeing the sights.”

“I shouldn’t have suggested it.”

“I shouldn’t have gone along with it.”

He nodded, scuffed the toe of his boot along the floor. “I miss you,” he said quietly.

Soft words, but they sent a painful, welcome tremor through me. Had a part of me doubted it? He’d been gone so often.

I touched his hand. “I miss you too.”

“Come to target practice with me tomorrow,” he said. “Down by the lake.”

“I can’t. Nikolai and I are meeting with a delegation of Kerch bankers. They want to see the Sun Summoner before they guarantee a loan to the Crown.”

“Tell him you’re sick.”

“Grisha don’t get sick.”

“Well, tell him you’re busy,” he said.

“I can’t.”

“Other Grisha take time to—”

“I’m not other Grisha,” I said, more harshly than I intended.

“I know that,” he said wearily. He let out a long breath. “Saints, I hate this place.”

I blinked, startled by the vehemence in his voice. “You do?”

“I hate the parties. I hate the people. I hate everything about it.”

“I thought … you seemed … not happy exactly, but—”

“I don’t belong here, Alina. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

That I didn’t believe. Mal fit in everywhere. “Nikolai says everyone adores you.”

“They’re amused by me,” Mal said. “That’s not the same thing.” He turned my hand over, tracing the scar that ran the length of my palm. “Do you know I actually miss being on the run? Even that filthy little boardinghouse in Cofton and working in the warehouse. At least then I felt like I was doing something, not just wasting time and gathering gossip.”

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling suddenly defensive. “You take every chance you get to be away. You don’t have to accept every invitation.”

He stared at me. “I stay away to protect you, Alina.”

“From what?” I asked incredulously.

He stood up, pacing restlessly across the room. “What do you think people asked me on the royal hunt? The first thing? They wanted to know about me and you.” He turned on me, and when he spoke his voice was cruel, mocking. “Is it true that you’re tumbling the Sun Summoner? What’s it like with a Saint? Does she have a taste for trackers, or does she take all of her servants to her bed?” He crossed his arms. “I stay away to put distance between us, to stop the rumors. I probably shouldn’t even be in here now.”

I circled my knees with my arms, drawing them more tightly to my chest. My cheeks were burning. “Why didn’t you say something?”