Riders (Riders, #1)(69)

“I’m obsessed with Amelia Earhart,” she said. “I dressed up as her for Halloween, like, ten years in a row. Every picture of me as a girl, I’m wearing aviator goggles. Not up on my head, either. I actually wore them.”

“Over your eyes?”

She laughed. “Yes. I wanted to see the world the way she saw it. I had her short hair and everything. And I made everyone call me Amelia in second grade and through half of third. I still wish that was my name. Amelia Martin.”

“Not as good as what you got. Daryn’s perfect. Your name is. For you.”

“Ew, but thanks. It’s a family name.” She paused, smiling at some memory. “I think running hurdles … I think it came out of wanting to fly.”

She’d stopped fixing up my nose a little while ago. I took the towel from her and tossed it in the sink. I’d been hanging on her every word, but it didn’t feel like I was getting enough. Like we were close enough.

“Come here,” I said, pulling her up beside me.

I could tell she didn’t expect that because she went quiet. For a little while, everything was quiet and we just looked at our legs. I liked her legs even better now that I knew she was a hurdler. They were strong legs that could move fast and jump. Badass. Didn’t get any cooler than that. I liked her name better too. I felt defensive about it for her.

“Number six is kind of a confession.” She peered at me sideways, letting out a slow breath. “I don’t like Pearl Jam. I mean, I didn’t until I met you. In your Jeep that day on the way to Los Angeles, I wanted you to like me so I might have played it up. The funny thing is, I think I’m actually starting to love Pearl Jam now, for real. One of those self-fulfilling prophecies.”

“You know I like you.”

I took her hands, and ran my thumbs over her knuckles. They were strong and soft, like she was. I couldn’t believe the things we were saying. “I wish I didn’t like you … but I do.”

“Daryn, I want to kiss you, but I don’t want to scare you away.”

“Are you that bad at it?”

“Ouch. That’s cold, Martin. And for the record, I excel at anything I apply myself—”

She darted in and her mouth was against mine. Making quick, gentle brushes, then it was over.

“I was worried I’d hurt your nose,” she said. “That’s why I…”

Her cheeks had gone pink.

“You didn’t. My turn now?”

“Yes,” she said right away.

I turned so I had one leg in the tub, then I shifted her hips my way and brought her a little closer.

“Gideon, what are you doing?”

“Just trust,” I said. Then I took her face in my hands and went for it. As soon as we touched, she looped her arms around my neck, I pulled her against me, and then we were both gone. Our I like yous were in our mouths, our tongues, our hands. We were wrong-footed around each other so often, but not now. We were finally being honest. Completely real with each other. I’d never felt that way before. So much. So intensely. I never wanted to stop feeling that way. Then she drew away. Too soon again. But I was starting to see that I’d never feel like I got enough of her.

Her arms came down, wrapping around my waist, and she rested her head on my shoulder.

I needed a second to touch back down to earth. Get back in my right mind. Daryn’s closeness wasn’t helping that process along. Neither was her warm breath on my neck.

I wove my fingers into her hair. It was soft and wavy, and the color was gold in some places and went all the way to dark brown in others. No one had better hair. “I can’t believe I kissed you for the first time in a bathroom.”

She was holding on to me pretty tight. “What bathroom?”

I smiled. That was a good sign. “I want a shot at re-creating this in a better location. At least we weren’t sitting on the toilet together, but a bathtub isn’t—”

She let go of me and straightened. She wasn’t smiling. The look on her face put a fist to my stomach.

She looked sorry.

“Okay.” I nodded. “Okay. I understand. I guess we’re not doing this again.”

“Do you understand? When this is over, I don’t want you to be another thing I miss.”

The steadiness was gone from her eyes. There was a storm in them now.

“I don’t want to be another thing either,” I said.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Gideon. I didn’t mean for this to happen. It’s just … you make me forget. I forget about everything when I’m with you.”

“Daryn, I said I understand.” I couldn’t look her in the eye any longer. My gaze dropped to the silver chain.

“We can be friends, though. We can find a way … right?”

I wanted to say yes, but I couldn’t lie to her. I didn’t know if I could be her friend. I didn’t have the clarity to make that call right then. I felt numb.

I felt nothing, so I didn’t say anything.

Which was probably answer enough.





CHAPTER 41

The lightbulb finally quits and the room goes dark.

Instant curtain drop. Darkness, like Alevar is behind it. Black so deep I can almost feel it. Cordero. Texas and Beretta. The pine walls. Everything’s wiped out.