Riders (Riders, #1)(104)

Suarez is here too, and a handful of other people. They’ve been talking for half an hour. Or maybe an hour. It could be five minutes.

I tuned out after I asked about Texas, whose real name is Travis Low. He’s been airlifted to a hospital, but I’ve been assured he’s doing fine.

A Blackhawk helicopter sits in the distance and armored trucks make a line along the road. There are flares everywhere. People everywhere. Lights have been set up around the field. A light snow is falling.

It finally sinks in that it’s over. I’ll get to see my mom … Anna. I’ll get to go home.

But Sebastian won’t.

Then I see Cordero and my mind empties of everything else.

She walks up with Major Robertson.

The expression on his face seems oddly informal and warm. I don’t like it. Then I look into the dark eyes of the woman I’ve spent the past hours with. Anger shoots through me—hot and sharp—and Riot snorts behind me.

“Steady, Riot,” Jode says, moving to my horse.

“This is Natalie Cordero,” Robertson says. “She’s with the Defense Intelligence Agency. The Kindred detained her at a nearby location.”

Cordero doesn’t offer her hand. “I’ve been investigating these kinds of matters for a long time, Private Blake,” she says simply. “This time, I got closer than I would have liked.”

I understand why they brought Cordero and me together now, rather than later. Clear the air. Right away before resentment can fester. But I’m not ready for this and I might never be. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at her without thinking of Malaphar. She must sense it, because she excuses herself and leaves with Robertson.

“Where’s Daryn?” I ask Marcus. I’ve been afraid to ask, I realize. Because if Daryn were here, then she’d be here. With us. With me.

Marcus runs a hand over his head and looks at me. “She’s gone.”

“We saw her last with Shadow.” Jode says, watching me closely. “Shadow wouldn’t settle. Daryn said she was going to walk her. Get her away from here to see if it would help … but she hasn’t come back.”

We look at each other, and the question is right there.

Will Daryn come back? Or did she just abandon Sebastian in that hellish world?

Is that it?

Is he gone?

Whatever Daryn’s done, or has to do, or will do, I can’t be angry with her. I’ve had the easy job. Slaying demons. She has the tough one. Following orders, even when it means hurting people you care about. She’s much stronger than I am. But I know her. I know that wherever she is, she’s suffering.

Someone comes up, wanting to look at my hand. At the place where my hand used to be attached to the rest of me. But Marcus snarls and the guy practically falls on his face as he rushes to leave.

He’s such an *, Marcus. It makes Jode shake his head. It makes me wish Bastian were here to say something Bastian-ish to Marcus. Don’t throw stones at people who live in brick houses.

The three of us stand and talk as floodlights go up. As demon bodies are photographed, crated, and hauled away. We stand and watch the snow fall. Watch as it erases the evil that occurred here.

Suarez brings blankets. We throw them over our backs and search for things to say to each other, but no topic is safe. No topic helps us forget. But we try. We take turns making meaningless words, prolonging the moment. Stretching out now, because later is no good. Later will only be more of this—an accumulation of this feeling that none of us can escape.

We’re lost.

We have nowhere to go. Nothing to do without Daryn’s guidance.

Riot nudges me in the back. I turn and look at him. He’s been making my neck sweat with his hot breath. Melting snow into puddles at my feet. I look into his big amber eyes and wish he could fix this for me, too.

We stand around in our blankets and watch the snow, but Sebastian and Shadow never join us, and neither does Daryn.

Still, we stand.

None of us calls what we did a victory.





CHAPTER 60

“We’ll be right back,” Anna says to me.

I look from her to Jode, whose arm is over her shoulder.

Jode. And my sister.

I still can’t wrap my head around it.

“Where are you going?” I ask her.

Anna rolls her eyes. “To get something to drink, Gideon. Relax. We’re not running away together.”

Jode just laughs at me. They round Freedom Hall, heading to a tent set up with refreshments and food.

My mom slips her arm through mine. “How are you doing with this?”

“Well,” I say. “On the one hand, I want to kick his ass. On the other hand—oh, wait. I only have one hand, so. I want to kick his ass.”

My mom shakes her head at me. She hates it when I pull that one—about my hand. But I use it all the time. It’s amazing how many expressions are based around hands. I have to hand it to you. In good hands. Out of hand. I notice them all now. I’m keeping a mental list so one day I can make Bas laugh. Someday it’ll happen.

“I meant how are you doing with this,” Mom says. Her eyes move to the group of soldiers standing a little way off.

The ceremony celebrating the newest graduates of RASP just concluded. Thirty-nine soldiers have donned the tan berets of the 75th Ranger Regiment for the first time. Private Marcus Walker finished at the top of the class.