Queen (The Blackcoat Rebellion #3)(64)
“She can stay in my room,” I said, trying to give my voice as much authority as I could muster. Daxton tilted his head, considering.
“Well, it’s a bit more luxurious than the cellar, but why the hell not. I’m feeling generous tonight.” He bowed. “Ladies. Benjamin. Enjoy your evening.”
As soon as he was gone, everyone in the room seemed to exhale with relief. Benjy stood. “I’ll escort you both back to Lila’s room,” he said. “And I’ll make sure the guards undo your shackles, Celia.”
“Thank you,” she said, and the guards took their places on either side of her. I joined them, and together we trooped upstairs and back to Lila’s suite. True to his word, Benjy instructed the guards to remove Celia’s binds, and as she walked into the room, it suddenly hit me that I would have to spend the next twelve hours convincing her that I was, in fact, her daughter.
Benjy touched my shoulder, and I looked at him, more scared than I’d been in ages. He didn’t say anything, but he held my stare for a split second and nodded slightly. I could do this. He knew I could do this.
The problem was, I didn’t want to.
As soon as the doors closed and the lock clicked into place, trapping Celia and me for the night, she crossed the room and embraced me, her frighteningly skinny arms wrapping around me with what must have been all the strengthshe could muster. Silently I hugged her back.
We stood like that for minutes—hours—I couldn’t tell, and it didn’t matter. I would stay like this for the rest of the night if she wanted me to. But eventually she let go and touched my face, gazing into my eyes. Lila’s eyes.
“When—” Her voice caught in her throat, and a tear rolled down her cheek. She didn’t bother wiping it away. “When did it happen?”
I opened my mouth to ask what she meant, but it suddenly hit me, and the words retreated. She knew. Of course she knew. “Late December,” I whispered. “It was instantaneous. She felt no pain, and she didn’t know it was coming.”
Celia took a long, deep breath and released it slowly before capturing me in a hug again. “Good. At least she didn’t suffer.”
“Not even a little,” I promised. “How did you...?”
“Lila is my daughter. I know her better than anyone in the world.” Celia ran her fingers through my hair. “As soon as I knew he had you, too, it was obvious he was only going to keep one of you alive. I’ve been watching your appearances. You’re good. You’re very, very good. But you aren’t her.”
No, I wasn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It isn’t your fault, and you’ve done a wonderful job keeping her alive. But, Kitty...” She paused and took my hand, leading me to the couch, where we sat down beside one another. She wrapped her arms around me again, holding me like I really was her daughter, and she kissed the top of my head. “Don’t lose yourself in this, all right? The Blackcoats are down, but they aren’t defeated. The people are unhappy, and eventually the revolution will happen. When it does, you need to be there to believe in the impossible. That’s the only way change happens—when someone dares to think differently and does whatever they have to in order to make that a reality. You can’tdo that if you’ve lost yourself in the meantime.”
“I’ll try not to,” I said, curling up against her. “We haven’t given up.”
“Of course you haven’t. You’re a Hart. Not giving up is in our genes.” I could hear the smile in her voice, and I allowed myself to relax. If she could smile right now, then I could, too. “I’m sorry about everything that’s been done to you, Kitty. Truly.”
“I’m not.” As soon as I said the words, I knew they were true. “You and Knox gave my life meaning and purpose. I won’t lie and say it’s been easy, but nothing worth having ever is, right?”
“My husband used to say that all the time,” she murmured.
“Benjy did, too. It’s how he tried to get me to do my homework when we were in school.” I paused. “I’m sorrier for all you’ve been through. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known.”
Her arms tightened around me. “I could very well say the same about you. You’ll make it through this—you and Greyson both. I’m only sorry I won’t be there to see Victor’s face when he realizes he’s lost.”
I swallowed thickly. “I’ll make sure he loses everything.”
She smiled. “Good girl.”
We sat together on the couch for the rest of the night, neither of us bothering with sleep. She told me her life story, about growing up as a Hart and slowly realizing how wrong and twisted the world really was. About what thereal Daxton—my father—had been like, and Jameson, my half brother. She told me stories about the good memories she had with her family, even her mother, Augusta, and she lingered on the memories of Lila. I had already heard a number of her stories when she’d been educating me on her daughter’s life back in October, but this time, she told me personal ones—like what holding Lila for the first time had felt like. Seeing her first steps. Her first words, her first birthday, and the last time she’d seen her. Little moments I hadn’t needed to know when I was pretending to be her, but now that Celia knew she was about to die, I supposed it was cathartic to remember. Or maybe she just wanted to make sure the best moments of her life didn’t die with her.