Dawn of Ash (Imdalind, #6)(102)

“I have a reason…” I could barely get the words out, the selfish, pathetic nature of my excuse grating on me.

“A reason for marrying my father? I don’t want you as my stepmother, and neither does Ilyan.”

“No! I obviously don’t want that, Ry! I mean, for attacking…” I felt like I had been hit in the chest … or maybe stabbed in the hand. After everything, trying to pass off my selfishness as a reason for attacking my best friend was pretty pathetic. I guessed Ilyan had a right to tout me as dangerous.

Maybe I was.

No, I knew I was.

“We know about the blade,” Ryland said, pulling me out of the quickly building panic with a growl. “And you should know better.”

“What are you, my dad?” I couldn’t stop the snap from erupting out of my voice. Now that my body was healing, my personality went right back into place. “Says the boy who attacked his mate and his best friend when under the control of his father—”

“That’s different.”

“How?” I spat, my temper quickly rising to a dangerous level, the heat of my magic rising to match.

I could still feel Ryland’s magic as it attempted to heal my hand. I knew he felt that, felt the heat, felt the warning. It was something he obviously didn’t miss.

“First, they were the same person,” he barked as he turned his head toward me, his eyes narrowing in obvious irritation. “And second…” He stopped in place, his arms tense as he halted barely steps away from the barrier, steps away from what my head had interpreted as safety. But he didn’t move. He froze, glaring at the barrier with a jaw so tight I was concerned for a minute that it would snap off.

I knew why he had stopped, and not because there was no second reason. He knew as well as I did that the situations were pretty much the same.

Minus the whole marriage thing.

Ew.

“I’m not going to attack anyone, Ry,” I whispered, knowing exactly where his mind was. “I’m not working for Edmund.”

“I know that, and I’m pretty sure Ilyan knows that. But I can’t disobey orders, either.” The same fear as before moved through his voice, heavy and broken, everything tensing.

I could tell he regretted what was about to happen, and I reacted, my fear kick-starting through the heavy emotional binder Ryland had smothered me with.

“You’re not going to kill me, are you?” My magic flared in preparation.

I knew I was still weak, but I could hope I had enough energy to take on Ryland. I doubted it, and I didn’t want to. But I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

“No, Wyn. Don’t be ridiculous,” he groaned, his voice making it obvious he was trying to make it light-hearted, even though there was something else there, something that made my muscles tense. “Can you stand?”

I could merely nod in answer, regardless of being convinced whether I could or not. Standing, I could probably do at this point. Although, if I would be completely vertical was still a matter of debate.

Walking, however, I knew was not going to happen, and judging by the way the nerves on the left side of my body were jumping around, I was beginning to wonder if walking in a straight line was ever going to happen again.

I would never pass a sobriety test.

I guessed it was good I didn’t drive. Flying would be interesting, though.

With a deep exhale, Ryland set me back down on the ground, his motions careful as he made certain I could at least hold my weight before he let go, his magic leaving as soon as we lost skin contact.

I gasped as the powerful numbing balm of his magic left, the pain flooding right back through me, jabbing through my arm and erupting in my head like a billion, little bombs all going off at once.

Tensing in pain, I fell to my knees, my body deciding not to hold my weight. Figures. Everything spun and seized, my stomach churning angrily as the pain threatened to do me in, everything vibrating as my stomach turned and twisted in a viable threat.

“Are you okay?” Ryland asked as he fell down beside me, his hand strong on my back.

For a moment, I briefly thought about asking him to pull my hair back, not that it wasn’t already covered in vomit and blood.

Focusing on my breathing, I tried desperately to find something to stare at. If only the world would stop shifting and duplicating. Even Ryland was caught in some odd vortex of clones.

“I think so,” I said, looking at one of the five Ryland’s to choose from and hoping it was the right one. For all I knew, I was staring far off to the left.

“I’ll take that as no,” he grumbled, obvious regret weaving through him. “I don’t have any other choice, Wyn. Ilyan barred you from the barrier. Even if I try, it won’t work. You are going to have to wait here. Can you hold on?”

I nodded numbly, still not quite certain if I was looking at the right Ryland.

My heart pulsed painfully as he turned from me without another word, his body swallowed by the liquid air that surrounded the cathedral. Everything became wobbly, confusing my already twisted brain more.

I didn’t dare move as I focused on the spot he had stood in a minute before, knowing he could see me on the other side. Chances were high that he was watching me. Chances were even higher that he wasn’t alone.

I sat, staring at the cathedral, the distorted damage hard to make out with the way everything was shifting. For a moment, it looked like one of the main walls was about to fall in. Thank goodness it was the false reality created by Ilyan’s shield.