An Honest Lie(15)

“I don’t know yet. I’m trying to decide if I should call your grandparents.”

“You hate them. You said living with them was a nightmare,” Summer reminded her. It wasn’t fair! Her mother couldn’t just drag her around the country, could she? She had to go to school and have stability. Her mother used to yell that at her dad when they fought. “Summer needs stability!” And she was about to bring that up when her mother said something that made her shut her trap.

“Some nightmares are worse than others.”



6


Now


She didn’t want to lie to him when she was already omitting most of her truths, so when Grant brought up the girls’ trip again while they were having dinner in Seattle, she took a large sip of her water and buckled down for a squall.

“Stephen mentioned that you were considering going on the trip with the girls. Still thinking about it, according to the Tiger wives.” His voice had a hopeful tone.

Her hand stilled halfway to her mouth. She set her fork down instead of taking the bite and sighed.

“No, actually, I specifically told them I wasn’t.”

Grant looked—not crestfallen, but worse than that. Disappointed.

“Why is it so important to you where I spend my weekend? You’re going to be ten thousand miles away.”

She’d just tossed back an oyster and was licking brine from her lips.

“Look, I’m not going to be available for most of the time I’m there. As soon as we land, we’re going straight to the Tokyo office, and I’ll be in meetings all day. It would give me peace of mind knowing you were...not alone.” She heard him choose that word carefully and it bothered her. Suspend your feminism for a moment and hear him, she told herself. Picking up her fork, she speared salad and filled her mouth until she was unable to talk.

“The weather forecast says it’s going to snow, and I don’t like you up here by yourself. If you lose power, you’re not going to be able to work, anyway, and you won’t even be able to see four inches in front of your face.”

She knew this was true.

She glanced at him, annoyed, still chewing. It was nice to be cared about; it wasn’t so nice to be controlled.

“Then why did you ask me to move here? This is my home now, and I have to get used to all the weather and quirks that come with it.”

She thought she was doing an excellent job of defending her position, and besides, she liked her chances by herself more than she liked her chances in a group of women she’d only known for a year.

“Grant, I—”

“I already bought the ticket.” It came out in a rush and flopped between them like a dead fish. Grant was sweating, a nervous tell; Rainy studied his face, half amazed and half horrified as she tried to form words.

“What?” She caught the edge of hysteria in her own voice and cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry, Rainy, I really am.” He stared at the ceiling, a look of pain on his face.

“Spit it out,” Rainy sighed.

“They talked to me about the trip before they asked you. Two weeks before. I was so thrilled that when they sent me the links I booked your ticket right away, not even thinking to ask you.” He looked really uncomfortable now, and Rainy remembered how enthusiastic he’d been the night she came home and told him.

“I never considered that you wouldn’t want to go, I’m sorry.”

Why would they talk to Grant about it before they spoke to her? And why would he not even consider that she might not want to go? Did he not know her at all? She felt betrayed and, beyond that, annoyed. Were they checking with him for permission, or to be considerate? Either way, she didn’t like it.

“I’m an idiot. I just thought it would be good for you, but it’s really not on me to decide what’s good for you. You left everything for me in New York and, in a way, I’m trying to force you to put down roots by making friends.”

She was almost as touched by his honesty as she was upset by the weight of what he was saying. She might not have told him everything about her past, but she had explained to him who she was and what she needed.

“Grant, I’m not super into having relationships outside of my partner. It’s hard for me to trust people, and you know that.”

“I do, but I’ve known some of these people since high school. I trust them, and I want you to trust them, too.”

Rainy licked her lips. “Okay, I get that, but it can’t be on your terms, it has to be on mine.”

Grant, who had been looking more than sorry for the last five minutes, said, “I surrender. I was wrong. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I want to make you permanent in my life.”

You could just ask me to marry you, she thought. Something she would never say out loud, for fear it would make her sound desperate. That’s some misogynist shit right there.

Grant was obliviously happy; now that he knew he was forgiven, the relief was pooling off him. Rainy gave in because she didn’t want to fight anymore, and because it wasn’t Grant’s fault that he didn’t understand certain parts of her. He tried, but he was mostly fumbling in the dark, figuring her out by trial and error. You could just tell him. And then what? He’d see her differently if she told him about her mother and Taured.